Category: being hot, and other sexy things

Top 8 best things to get your sweetie the day before Valentine’s.

valentines1I don’t think great Valentine’s gifts require lots of money. Some of the most memorable ideas according to the women’s group I facilitated included breakfast in bed or $1 worth of rose pedals on the bed. According to the experts Feb 14th is NOT a good night to go out for dinner. Most restaurants are in cafeteria-like assembly lines that evening. Here are my top 10 best ideas for last minute gifts to keep you in the good books.

1. Martha Hopkins new culinary delight The New InterCourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook. I did a chat yesterday with Martha on aphrodisiacs on the Ottawa Citizen pages. http://www.canada.com/life/food/Live+Chat+Aphrodisiacs/7859982/story.html I love her ideas about a Valentines dinner with figs, goat cheese, and grass fed beef.

2.Name a Star after your love. The US Astronomy Association has a Groupon out this week for $14 complete with a chart to find your sparkling light in the night sky.

3. Psychic reading with Stephanie Horowood. She can do them remotely from anywhere and she’ll do a full reading for $35. I think she’s got great intuition. https://www.facebook.com/TheAngelMessenger

4. Beta fish. You know those Thai fighting fish with flowing fins in individual bowls at the pet store. They live in puddles in Thailand and are easy to keep aren’t the 15 year commitment a puppy is.

5. Boudoir coupon. I know locally Jerome (jeromephotography.com) is giving a discount to my readers and he does incredibly elegant pictures of couples. Call a photographer in your area and print up the coupon for tomorrow.

6. Burlesque Classes. The good news for you procrastinators is that all you have to do is call the local dance studio and give them your credit card for dance lessons. The one in Ottawa is called Dance with Alana. They give a whole class on the art of removing the glove. It’s incredibly hot.

7. The Thrill, the new solo toy from We Vibe. It’s elegant, has fabulous, guaranteed technology you come to expect from the made in Canada product and it doesn’t disappoint. Just saying…

8. Travel Zoo Punta Cana trip for a week-long all inclusive for $685. Again pick up the phone, spend the $1400 and tell her/him to pack a suitcase. “>http://www.travelzoo.com/ca/top20/91504174-1409777

February is Heart Month. There are 5 reasons why sex is good for your heart.

heartsFebruary is the month of groundhogs, heart shaped chocolates, and new sex toys. At least it is in my house. It is also Heart and Stroke month as I was reminded when I sent off my charitable donation this week. The Becel commercials for the heart healthy margarine during the Super Bowl (and how about that Super Bowl eh? Yeah Ravens!) were a reminder that women, especially Mothers die of heart attacks. Having just lost a favourite aunt a few weeks ago at the age of 55 to a massive heart attack the message in the commercial hit a little close to home.
The schools shown in the commercial are from my home town and it was very moving and worth watching.

So in keeping with heart friendly things this month, I came up with a list (that the Heart and Stroke Foundation may not promote) about why sex is good for your ticker.

1. It helps you sleep. As a sex therapist I often see patients who have undiagnosed sleep apnea. It affects their ability to be sexually (tired, and ill), but the lack of sleep significantly stresses your heart.The oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, and it brings on sleep quickly. Especially for men who you can then maneuver into the wet spot.Getting enough sleep has also been linked with a host of other health benefits, such as a healthy weight and better blood pressure.

2. Speaking of blood pressure… Having sex has been proven by the University of Kansas study to lower your stress and your blood pressure. it is also supported by a British study that had subject who had sex (read boffing) responded better to stress than those who didn’t have intercourse or saved themselves.

3. Sex makes you closer. Couples who have regular sex ( not surprisingly) feel closer. But its more than that. Men who make love to their partners feel protective, have a need to encourage intimacy, and are far more likely to have a higher level of commitment than couples who don’t have sex. And that will warm your heart.

4. It prevents heart attacks. I’m not kidding. By at least 50% in men over the age of 40. In one of my most quoted study done over 20-years, showed that men who had sex two or more times a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

5. And finally it gets your heart in shape to do other things. The rule of thumb is that as long as you can climb a set of stairs you are in shape enough for sex. The resulting endorphin rush helps loosen your joints, makes you more limber and bendy and improves your cardiovascular health.

So sex is good for you. It’s my prescription for heart health this month.

Stay away from the Super Bowl nachos. Sex only burns 21 calories!

sex1Don’t think you can eat the fatty Super Bowl food because you had afternoon delight today. A new study from the University of Alabama at Birmingham says the average sex act burns only about 21 calories.

The study, published Wednesday in the New England Journal of Medicine, contradicts many long-standing claims that sexual activity is a vigorous, fat-burning workout. Funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, the study results found that “false and scientifically unsupported beliefs about obesity are pervasive in both scientific literature and the popular press.”

Most online claims about the calorie burning potential of sexual activity are based on one-hour increments, whereas this study worked off an average time span of six minutes per sexual encounter. So that means if you struggle from Premature Ejaculation it may be even less. 🙁 And if it takes women a good 10 to 15 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to climax then you can understand why some women are frustrated. Six minutes of glory. You could have two boff during a quarter of play in today’s game and still have time left over.

The truth is that most intercourse lasts on average between 6 to 7 minutes. Foreplay should be another 10 to 12 on top of that. 21 calories for the partner doing the work. That’s the same as a casual walk.
Past claims had sex burning 100 to 300 calories

So with the Super Bowl food intake only third behind Christmas and Thanksgiving as mammoth calorie overloads, don’t convince yourself that you can burn it all up by climbing under the sheets.
super bowl

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 new ways to stay sexy and pump up your desire

moodIt is always during the cold, dark days of January that I feel the dowdiest. My hair is darkest and misses the sunkissed highlights, my skin is driest and my makeup never goes on as well, and I am still feeling the after effects of too much Christmas cheer. And like most women, body image impacts my feelings of being sexy, despite my best intentions. So what’s a girl to do to keep her groove on?

I’m writing a new book on growing your libido and I’m slogging through the research right now. I’ve whittled the list and have come up with the quick 10 things you can start doing to increase your sexiness and have you purring on those cold, winter nights.

1. Green tea and/or extract. It’s long been known that caffeine (coffee and green tea) is an anti-oxidant and metabolism booster. It helps you detox, boosts your metabolism for energy and is naturally slimming. It’s one of the few supplements that I ALWAYS have on my counter.

2. Wahl massager. I’m always preaching about the plug-in kind of vibrator (forget the batteries). When you can buy it at Walgreens or Shopper’s Drug Mart and you can leave it in your sock drawer without worrying that your kids will know what it is even better. Daily, enthusiastic, vigorous stimulation of your lady parts (or protruding parts) is a great thing. Orgasms prompt the release of lots of things that boost your immune system.

3. Listen to music or better yet dance like no one is watching. We hear music before we are out of the womb, and respond to it during our lifetime. Smell and audio are connected to sexual response for women. Men are turned on by what they see, women by what we hear and imagine. Dancing brings in all of these senses and kick starts your libido.

4. Eat Chocolate. It’s really my guilty pleasure. The truth is that a small amount of dark chocolate every day is heart healthy, and has flavonoids that put you in the mood. Yeah! Choose chocolate that is over 70% cacao.

5. Vitamin D drops. I can’t say enough about making sure you get enough Vitamin D. I suggest 4-5000 mg for my low libido patients. It’s one of the things that really does impact your health and sexual desire immediately.

6. Magnesium. I suggest 240 mg of magnesium daily to help put that bounce in your step.

7. Afternoon Delight. If you can take a nap in the afternoon followed by time to be intimate, it can help you have even the most elusive of orgasms. A mid afternoon nap improves mood, alertness, and helps balance your hormone levels. And it won’t affect your night time sleep schedule. Snooze for 20 minutes, followed by a little horizontal cuddling is one of the best things you can do for your health. Afternoon is one of the best time to entice your female partner into bed according to the research from Rush University in Chicago. Sex and a nap…..hmmmm.

8. Drink regularly. I mean a glass of wine or beer a day. I just finished the book about The Blue Zones, which talks about the hot spots in the world where people routinely live to be over 100. They all (and I mean all) raised a glass of homemade wine, beer, sake or the like. Scientists still don’t know if it is alcoholic or non-alcoholic components, but who cares? Have a glass on me.

9. Throw a party (and no, I’m not talking about an orgy). With the Superbowl, Valentine’s Day or even Robbie Burns Day coming up, having a party will help you kick the doldrums. Being social is one of the key indicators for longevity and flirting with other people in a safe, harmless actually increases your testosterone level and puts you in the mood for your partner.

10. Eye gaze and schedule daily touch. Just like in the new movie with Merle Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, Hope Springs, finding time to check in sensuously and even just hold each other is huge. Eye gazing with my sweetie causes me to melt. It is profoundly intimate to touch and eye gaze. And intimacy is what most women are craving sexually. Go rent Hope Springs, get some chocolate and a glass of wine for your sweetie and curl up with some snuggling and eye gazing. If that doesn’t get you laid, take 2 aspirins and call your neighborhood sex therapist. I can be reached by skype at sue.mcgarvie and I’ll get you back on track.

Why do you have sex? Apparently there are over 237 reasons to boff

Why do you have sex? couple

When I ask the High School students I speak to, they tell me “because it feels good”. But maybe that’s not the only reason couples get sweaty?

A study from The University of Texas found 237 reasons (they feel an exhaustive list) why people have sex.

Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: “I was attracted to the person.” There were reasons that ranged from “I wanted to feel closer to God” to “I was drunk.” They even found a few people who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child.

Who knew, for instance, that a headache had any erotic significance except as an excuse for saying no? But some respondents of both sexes explained that they’d had sex “to get rid of a headache.” It’s No. 173 on the list.

Others said they did it to “help me fall asleep,” “make my partner feel powerful,” “burn calories,” “return a favor,” “keep warm,” “hurt an enemy” or “change the topic of conversation.” The lamest may have been, “It seemed like good exercise,” although there is also this: “Someone dared me.”

People’s motivations ranged from the mundane (“I was bored”) to the spiritual (“I wanted to feel closer to God”) and from the altruistic (“I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself”) to the manipulative (“I wanted to get a promotion”).

Some said they had sex to feel powerful, others to debase themselves. Some wanted to impress their friends, others to harm their enemies (“I wanted to break up a rival’s relationship”).

Goal-based reasons, including utilitarian or practical considerations (“I wanted to have a baby”), social status (“I wanted to be popular”) and revenge (“I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).
Emotional reasons such as love and commitment (“I wanted to feel connected”) and expression (“I wanted to say ‘thank you'”).
Insecurity-based reasons, including self-esteem (“I wanted the attention”), a feeling of duty or pressure (“My partner kept insisting”) and to guard a mate (“I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).

I don’t know if you’re aware of why you have sex? I am personally motivated by orgasms an.d that #1 reason “to be closer to my sweetie”. Take a poll around your office or on facebook today and find out what motivates the people around you. Maybe you can scratch someone’s itch.

Why Boredom is a bigger problem in marriages than conflict.

Sue McGarvie, Canada’s Sex and Relationship therapist says that having romantic adventures with your partner is one of the top five things you can do for your relationship.

“The most common question I get from women over 30 is how you keep your relationship hot and connected,” says McGarvie.
Many women want to be that fun and saucy partner, but clearing your head for sex takes time. It’s hard to do amongst the laundry, work, dishes and homework that make up most women’s day to day lives. As one patient said “I have to work hard not to think about the grocery list or other mental distractions when getting in the mood.” Everyone needs sexual adventures in their lives. It keeps your sex life fresh, your adrenaline kicking, and gives you something to daydream about during those dreary winter days sitting at your desk. It turns out that many Canadian women have a fantasy about beach sex. In a new Ipsos Reid survey done for tripcentral.ca, 43% of women admitted that they had sex outside of their hotel room while on holidays. These women fantasized about sauna sex, hammock sex, public bathroom sex, and just about every other private and romantic spot you can think of while on holiday.

I call it “having an affair with your significant other”, says McGarvie. When questioning the happiest couples they talk to me about “learning new things together.” Even those couples in serious conflict seem to get the biggest relationship kick by adding something different to their intimate lives. McGarvie encourages “out of your comfort zone” adrenaline encouraging activities. This is everything from salsa dancing to white water rafting. The military uses adrenaline producing activities to bond “a band of brothers”. The same thing can happen during heart-pumping holiday sex.

Other great relationship suggestions include communicating with humor, planning regular sensuous, date nights, putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own, and stopping the fights before they get ugly. Just like with the adage that “a change is as good as a rest,” fighting boredom can have an immediate impact. “I see conflicted couples making huge leaps in their levels of intimacy when they take the time out for small adventures”, says McGarvie who interviewed hundreds of Canadian couples as a Relationship Therapist and while being the relationship therapist with Astral Media.

Finding time for a sensuous vacation, or even learning to square dance this winter may be one of the best things you do for your marriage this year.

 

 

 

 

 

Victoria Secret and new lingerie. Will they actually support real boobs?


There is another Victoria Secret fashion show held in New York yesterday. Have a look at the pictures.

I wonder if that lingerie will support real breasts. I don’t know about other women but nothing makes me more depressed than by going into Victoria Secret and finding that nothing, and I mean nothing fits.

Here are some sites that have sizing for authentic bodies.
1. Welovecolors.com – My best source for great fitting and vibrant tights. I absolutely love their leggings and it’s where I shop.
2. hipsandcurves.com- fabulous lingerie for full figured divas. I bought my absolute sauciest corset here. Their Christmas fur lined ones are on my wish list.
3. I like legavenue.com as well. It’s here that I buy my costumes for the dance we went to in October. Worth a look if you are traveling to Hedo this year.

Why women want sex on the beach….. or When in Rome.

Have you ever had sex on a beach?
No, I’m not talking about the cocktail with orange juice and vodka. I’m talking about sand in your bathing suit and fish nibbling on your toes kind of sex. Think of the “From Here to Eternity” scene where the couple is making out, rolling around in the surf and dream about how hot and exciting that looked. Many women associate the shore with spontaneity and vacation memories. The smell of salt, coconut tanning lotion are often triggers to some of our earliest sensuous feelings and are one of the top reasons that beaches are primary travel destinations for women.
So what is it about frolicking in unusual places that seems so enticing? When I speak to women about the best sex of their lives they invariably talk about parking, picnic blankets, or any place outside of the bedroom as their most memorable romps. They also talk to me about long, extended bouts of foreplay and the anticipation and excitement of the situation- rather than the actual deed. Men alternatively, seem to prefer interesting positions and extra long duration as their best sex. For guys, first time (new) partners or crazy new positions are the hottest. That along with spontaneous sex is the basis of most male oriented erotica. But women seem to like to experience sex al fresco. An unusual location allows women “to be carried away by the moment”. Women describe to me that the best sex is where they were able to be truly uninhibited. You aren’t likely to run into your neighbors on holidays, so vacationers are less concerned about knowing someone who might interfere with their day to day lives. The fear of getting caught appeals to some people’s exhibitionist tendencies, while knowing that “what goes on, on vacation, stays on vacation helps to relieve apprehension about being frisky.”
I have one colleague who describes herself as “Clark Kent while at home” and who only wants to travel to adult only vacation resorts where she lets out her wild self with her husband. She claims her “holiday alter ego” keeps her sane and connected through the rest of the year.
It turns out that many Canadian women have a fantasy about beach sex. In a new Ipsos Reid survey done for tripcentral.ca, 43% of women admitted that they had sex outside of their hotel room while on holidays. These women fantasized about sauna sex, hammock sex, public bathroom sex, and just about other private and romantic spot you can think of while on holiday. When I spoke to a number of women at a women’s conference recently, they told me that finding a private, tropical location for intimacy seems hugely romantic. Feeling the breeze on your skin, the sand between your toes—stimuli are very sensual and lends itself well to wild passionate love making. Many women want to be that fun and saucy partner, but clearing your head for sex takes time. It’s hard to do amongst the laundry, work, dishes and homework that make up most women’s day to day lives. One of my patients said “I have to work hard not to think about the grocery list or other mental distractions when getting in the mood. I think everyone needs sexual adventures in their lives. It keeps your sex life fresh, your adrenaline kicking in, and it gives you something to daydream about during those dreary February days sitting at your desk. One of the boot camp activities I do with couples involves “out of your comfort zone” adrenaline encouraging activities. This is everything from salsa dancing to white water rafting. The military uses adrenaline producing activities to bond “a band of brothers”. The same thing can happen during heart-pumping holiday sex. And according to the Ipsos Reid poll, at least 10% of the 1000 women surveyed had sex on a boat or in the hot tub.
I often ask my sex therapy patients how much sex they have on holidays. It’s a great barometer of the health of a couple’s sex life. If you have no outside stress, and your only decision of the day is a Mojito or Margarita, how easy is it to re-kindle some of that waning passion? Given that I think everyone needs sensual adventures, a great romantic holiday is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. It can certainly help your sex life.
And in keeping with the survey results, if you can sneak out for some discreet shagging outside of the hotel room then the vacation ranks up there with the best sex of your life.

Have you ever had sex on a beach?

No, I’m not talking about the cocktail with orange juice and vodka. I’m talking about sand in your bathing suit and fish nibbling on your toes kind of sex. Think of the “From Here to Eternity” scene where the couple is making out, rolling around in the surf and dream about how hot and exciting that looked.
It turns out that many Canadian women have a fantasy about beach sex. In a new Ipsos Reid survey done for tripcentral.ca, women admitted that they had sex outside of their hotel room while on holidays. These women fantasized about sauna sex, hammock sex, public bathroom sex, and just about other private and romantic spot you can think of while on holiday. And who said that Canadian women are conservative!
I wasn’t surprised. When I speak to women about the best sex of their lives they invariably talk about parking, picnic blankets, or any place outside of the bedroom as their most memorable romps. Most people think that it is men that are looking for newness in the bedroom (and they would be right), but it turns out that it is women who overwhelmingly prefer the unique locations. Men tend to think about interesting positions and duration as their best sex. So holiday sex works for both parties.
I often ask my sex therapy patients how much sex they have on holidays. It’s a great barometer of the health of a couple’s sex life. If you have no outside stress, and your only decision of the day is a Mojito or Margarita, how easy is it to re-kindle some of that waning passion? Given that I think everyone needs sensual adventures, a great romantic holiday is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. It can certainly help your sex life. And in keeping with the survey results, if you can sneak out for some discreet shagging outside of the hotel room then the vacation ranks up there with the best sex of your life.

Would you rather be balding or have a large penis?

I know it’s crazy to keep reading these surveys, but this one jumped out at me. Apparently, for men, if they had to choose:
• 60% of men would rather have a large penis and be balding
• 40% of men opted for a lush, full head of hair and an average to small penis

• 70% of men say they are satisfied with their hairline and penis size (perhaps the most surprising stat)…
• 44% of men believe their significant others care more about their hair/overall appearance, than their penis size
• 29% of men agree with the statement, “Regardless of my penis size, I would get hair restoration if I needed it, because no one wants to be bald.”

It turns out that both are true. Balding men have higher levels of DHT and DHT which is supposed to increase penis size. There is some truth to the fact that bald men have bigger weenies. Hair loss is caused by testosterone. And higher testosterone in utero can cause an increase in the size of your schlong. It also positively affects the length of your ring finger.

Yep. That manly hormone that makes men who they are, that makes you tough, burly, and, well, manly is ultimately responsible for male pattern baldness. I have a download about increasing your penis size which has all of the options listed at http://www.sexwithsue.com/how-to-increase-your-penis-size/.

From an evolutionary point of view, baldness may actually have evolved as a status symbol, indicating an older, successful, and virile male who is more desirable as a mate than a younger, less mature individual.

And the modern-day translation seems in keeping with this evolution. These days, having no hair on the crown of your head is regarded as sexy by many women.

New list of the top aphrodisiac foods.


I have a new list of the top 20 things you can do to increase your libido that I will happily email to you if you send me at note to suem@rogers.com. Some of the new ideas include an updated list of aphrodisiac foods that will put a new bounce in your step. Here are the top 12 foods that work to increase your libido. One of the things I really like are the new sexy foods list from the place for all things foody. Here is this amazing recipe for a cocktail that we tried on the weekend, and may be my new favourite thing.
Cranberry and Vanilla Bean Mimosas http://www.foodily.com/r/bpHcIdrWZ-cranberry-and-vanilla-bean-mimosas

Top Aphrodisiac Ingredients from Foodily.com:
1. Vanilla bean
2. Oysters
3. Figs
4. Honey
5. Red wine
6. Garlic
7. Ginger
8. Asparagus
9. Red chili’s
10. Almonds
11. Strawberries
12. And, of course, chocolate (preferably dark for the health benefits!)

50 Shades of Gray. Why the trilogy will change your bedroom habits.

I own a healthy collection of women’s erotica. Ever since I read Nancy Friday’s Forbidden Flowers on a airplane back from Vancouver and literally left a wet spot on the seat behind me, I’ve been hooked. I have everything from Suzie Bright’s American collection to the Ottawa based vampire books by Patricia McCarthy. Like many women, I have a taste for great mommy porn. As I wrote about 50 Shades when I first read it, (see the previous post), it is a smart premise with some hot sex scenes with very mediocre writing. What it says to me is that women of all ages are desperate for some hot sex. We may not all be into porn, but we love a well done sex scene as much as anyone.
There is a great article about the new surveys being done to explain the 50 Shades phenomenon. http://www.confused.com/news-views/infographics/holiday-reading-fifty-shades-effect
The most interesting thing for me was the idea that women would much rather read erotica than to do anything to make their own sex lives hotter. Some women reported that the 50 Shades books had them running for the local sex shop for some Ben Wa balls, or handcuffs. But 43% reading books like 50 Shades made their sex lives seem boring. I’ve got the new list of fun erotic things to do this fall. Check it out, and maybe you’ll have some “Christan Gray evenings of your own.”

Huge Erotic Art Exhibit with over 200 pieces of nudes, sensuous and sassy art! June 2, 3rd 2017

The idea started because we couldn’t find any galleries that carried classy erotic art for our office. It’s evolved …

School of Sex! Let’s talk about anal sex done with grace, and laugh-out-loud fun

Sunday, April 2, 2017 2:00 PM to 4:30 PM The Rosemount Orange Hall 41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON Our next School …

School of Sex! The Penis. How to pleasure it, make it bigger, last longer, pleasure it, and keep it healthy!

Sunday, February 19, 2017 2:00 PM to 4:30 PM The Rosemount Orange Hall 41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON Although …

School of Sex events! It’s not your parents Sex Ed class. It’s All about the vagina Jan. 29, 2017

School of Sex. Gooey Girl Bits!! The Vagina, vulva, clitoris all explained. Sunday, January 29, 2017 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM The …

Re-ignite you! February 4th, 2017 9-4, Ottawa! Four great speakers!

SPEND THE DAY LEARNING AND REBUILDING WITH GROUND BREAKING AND LIFE CHANGING SPEAKERS ALLOW YOURSELF TO ENJOY A DAY DESIGNED …