Once upon a time, there were these two people hot for each other. They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they were together. The sex was fantastic and they christened every flat surface in their mutual apartments. They went parking, and walked hand and hand together and found themselves very much in love. After a reasonable amount of time, when these feelings grew even stronger, the two got married (or shacked up), and proceeded to build a life together. They picked out china patterns started jobs, moved, left jobs and generally lived their lives. The sex got less frequent and after they had kids, it became even less frequent. The passion they once felt for each other seemed liked a distant memory. When they did have sex, she often hid her stretch marks and he/she fantasized about someone from work. The intimacy became routine, and the time they had together seemed to be squeezed in after a laundry list of chores, conflicting schedules, daily pressures and worries. They thought longingly about the time when creative sex came easy. They think about having sex with each other and stifle a yawn. They wonder how it got to this stage, and don’t know how to kick start their romantic lives again…..
This isn’t a fantasy story, it’s an all too common scenario from happily married couples. They stay together but the sex becomes routine.
The most common question I get as a sex therapist, especially from women, is how do I keep my bedroom life interesting, creative and put that zing back into my relationship. If the thought of having sex with the same person for the next 40 years—the same body, the same way, with the same responses has most people running screaming out the door. Think about it, in-out, repeat if necessary sex can quickly slip into routine and even downright boring without a little adventure and passion. These tips are all about the latest, information in sex research, new techniques you may not have heard about, and suggestions for keeping your sex life from slipping into the ho hum, “Do we really have to, I have a headache” behavior. Making it hot… you know the way it reads in those Harlequin Romances that tons of women read when you think no one’s looking. You know the scenario, “Dirk thrust his manly hand under veronica’s petticoat, feeling her ample boosums heaving….” The kind of romances that your Grandmother used to leave at the cottage. This book will outline how you can have an all grown up romance or affair with your significant other. Hell, sex is adult play, and if you can’t play act with the one that’s seen you up close and personal, then who can you play with???
“When I got to the door, he stood there smiling. His hair was still wet from the shower he had taken before he left. I jumped up to give him a hug and as he squeezed me so tightly I could smell the clean scent of his body. I wanted so much to be with him.
We went up to our room and fell onto my bed. He lie there on top of me and kissed me so softy and gently. His hand on my face reassured me of his affection and that everything was okay. After a few minutes of making out I rolled over on top of him, still joint at the mouth, and slowly slid my hand down his stomach and into his pants. I could tell he got excited because I felt him stop and smile for a second, and then kissed me with more aggression and enthusiasm. His breathing started to speed up as I firmly grasped his penis…..”
Do you remember those sensations? When you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself? Well when I ask my sex therapy patients about the best sex they’ve ever had in their lives they talk to me about High School. When you could do everything else but intercourse. The touching, heavy petting, foreplay, oral sex, teeth grinding sexual frustration, hickeys, and incredible heat that made your body vibrate in anticipation… You remember, there is nothing more exciting than a new relationship, and we all can’t compete with Brad and Angelina kind of heat, we can kick start our own love affair.
This list is the primer, everything I can find on keeping it hot, (and it is constantly being updated) keeping your relationship together, and learning about all the new play things
If sex is the second most powerful drive in the human body after food, and if most of either are having sex or want to be having sex, how come we have such bad, boring sex? Or how do we have so many hang ups about what is a natural urge that is part of everyone’s lives. This book is the culmination of all that’s new, interesting and fun in sex information. It’s the latest sex tips, the very best toys, and how they can be used to enhance your relationships, and cutting edge techniques that will leave your partner gasping for air, after reaching incredible sexual peaks.
It’s the best sex suggestions I could find, put together in quick easy ideas that won’t involve swinging from the chandelier and can be manageable, simple suggestions for improving your sex life.
I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave it in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….
- Drive around naked. Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In
cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment.
- Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins.
- Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization.
- Canadian Tire sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Drop sheets for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint.
- Venus Envy – great sex store for women and couples. They have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to make your own sex toys.
- Dollar store shopping. Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil, water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper, and small LTD flashlights (for playing gynecologist).
- Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums…) With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube vagina play and anal sex.
- Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla (or anything that tickles your fantasies…)
9. Breathless. A club downtown on Lisgar above Venus Envy, this is where the kinky go to play. Described as “Breathless is a community centre and private club that caters to alternative lifestyles such as BDSM, swinging, GLBTQ, goth, pagan, and many more. We are a sex-on-premises club and promote safe sex.”
They often have workshops, games nights and discussion groups. If you want to watch someone being whipped, or have thoughts of polyamoury (loving more than one person) this is the group for you. Run by a dominate woman named Mistress Jenn, it is quite a place.
- Adventure camping – White water rafting, bungee jumping, anything that gets your adrenaline jumping will kick start things in the bedroom.
- Tea and ice cube- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation.
- Clit piercing. The best in town is Future skin on Rideau. Well known for their safe practices, and experience, a clit piercing can help women who have trouble reaching orgasm climax.
- Nudist Clubs. You can spend a day at the adult only resort in5 km outside of Cassleman called East Haven for $25 a couple ($20 a single). Less than an hour outside of the city, they are open May to September, and have naked volleyball, dances, BBQ’s. You can also rent a very nice cabin for $85 a night. They have a hot tub, swimming pool, and is a great place just to test your limits in a safe way. Check out their site for directions http://www.webruler.com/benude.
- The local couples, and adult clubs. Range from just a very sexy place to dance, to full on orgies on site. If you stay upstairs at both clubs, you can have a safe, sexy, super erotically charged evening without risking anything weird in your own relationship. The good news is that according to the Supreme Court of Canada, sex clubs are legal in
, so they are really very safe. One is in
(D & D, and the other B& B is off Hawthorne Dr in the east end) It’s $40 to be a member, and $40 per couple on every visit. Go see www.Clubd-d.com and www.bashfulandbold.com
- Grocery store stuff – Anything from the typical whipped cream and cucumbers, to caramel sauce (for human sundae’s), jello (a very interesting internal sensation), and stimulation devices such as toothpicks (fun top play mad scientist going genital experiments, pizza wheels- you get the idea.
- Write your own sexual fantasy. There are a bunch of websites that help, but I just like taking any erotic story I like off the web, changing it up a bit, and leaving it in installments on your partner’s lunchbag or as suggestive messages on their voicemail.
- Games- Strip poker (so much better with friends), or sexy bingo that get you trying things you wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes if the game tells you, you might feel less inhibited than if you thought of then yourself.
- Fantasy clothes. Getting a tickle trunk and putting in all the Halloween costumes you have (buying them right after Halloween is a great idea), the Salvation army for sexy school girl and other cheap skanky clothes is fun. Then play the pirate wench, or the naughty nurse, the fireman or border patrol officer can be very sexy.
Tips 1. Chocolate
Everyone knows that chocolate is one of the basic food groups, and is an essential part of most women’s diet. It’s got that chemical in it that makes you feel like you’re in love, and the smell of melting chocolate has been proven (along with cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, baking bread and almond oil) to significantly increase the testosterone levels (this means the sex drive) in men. Basically food smells turn guys on.
Here’s what you do:
Take some chocolate chips and melt them in the microwave on over a double boiler until soft. Add some cream, and a little bit of your favourite alcohol (my preference is Bailey’s) and stir until it makes a warm, sauce like consistency.
Get a cheap paint brush (handy at any dollar store) and proceed to draw pictures and write poems on your partners naked body. Lick off, roll around in the chocolate sauce, use as a lubricant, squeeze it on your partner and use as finger paint. Generally get messy.
Variation: The quick, don’t have time version is to use Jello chocolate instant pudding. Great for finger painting, but cold. Especially great outdoors in the summer where you can clean up with the garden hose…
There are lots chocolate based sex products that come ready to use. Everything from chocolate flavoured condoms (hey, even if you are monogamous and safe, it’s always fun to have a little chocolate latex, it doesn’t really taste as much as offer up an incredible smell of chocolate). There is the Hot Stuff warming oils in a chocolate and chocolate mint and at least ten types of chocolate body paint in every flavour, (chocolate banana, orange, strawberry—you get the theme)
Adding fantasy to the bedroom is a common way of taking sex to the next level and creating excitement in a safe way. Men in particular like the role-playing and the feeling of being with “new” partner. Evolutionary biologists talk about how men are wired to be attracted to newness of sex, and by pretending to be a new partner – wigs, blindfolds, behaving in a different way can seriously reve up the passion in any relationship. Keeping it hot, or how can we keep our sex life from falling into a routine to where it’s almost boring, is one of the most frequent questions I get when speaking to groups- especially women’s groups. Realizing that men and women process sex information differently and knowing how to get the reaction you are hoping for from your partner is important if you are nervous about how to bring it up in your relationship.
Here’s what to do:
Women want the story – historical romance fantasy say enacting a Victorian prostitute and policeman scene which is enormously popular with women, while men are visual and like see the props, like lingerie or costumes. While surveys say that the most common male fantasy is sex with two or more women at the same time, men’s second most favourite fantasy involves being passive and taken advantaged of by the nurse, school teacher, or dominant women executive. This is great because most women also like being the boss and bringing their partner to their knees. Women’s other favourite fantasy involves being taken, and swept away in the passion of the moment.
Try writing down you’re your fantasies and swaping them during the day, or sending them as an e-mail or voicemail, reading erotic literature to each other, play strip poker that has sharing your fantasies as a requirement – anything to start communicating about the sex scenes playing in your head. One of the big differences between men and women’s sexuality is in the speed in which they get aroused. Men tend to react quickly, especially around newness. A new partner, hope of new partner, new smell etc. Hell, men’s testicles can break speed records moving up inside their chest cavity when they hit cold water. Although it slows down as men get older, the ability to get a quick erection instantly when aroused, means they are able to take advantage of any waiting orfice.
Evolutionary biologists talk about this opportunity to quickly jump on any willing (and sometimes unwilling) partner is a leftover of our not-too-distant past where men’s biological job was to inseminate as many women as possible. This means we come by the rape, and pillage honestly by some randy ancestor. As I point out on my radio show, we are only 1000 generations from being in a cave somewhere and anytime you think you aren’t ruled by your biology, think again.