Blog

Do women “dry up” at 50?

50_foot So do women after 50 have no interest in sex, and if they do, do they require vats of lube?

If you ask men sitting around a table over 45, many of them would be teasing and joking about how they never get sex anymore, and that they all have to beg for it.  Apparently, this is just a veiled way of covering up the fact that many of them, aren’t getting it nearly as much as they would like. Consistently, men tell me that women don’t appreciate that they need sex, and think about it at least 6 times a day….(on average according to the Sex in America study)

Women as they hit menopause, seem to be giving up sex for lent or much, much longer. Menopause never improves women’s libido, and given the stress, and chaos of modern living, the cortisol or stress hormone levels in women’s bodies biologically turn down the heat to almost non-exisitant for many women. Hey, if you stress animals enough, the first thing that goes is their ability to go into heat. Think of looming deadlines, the pile of laundry, kids and aging parents, and you have a receipe for no sex.  And the longer you go without it, the less likely you are to kickstart it. You need interest, arousal, lubrication, decent technique, timing and an orgasm to really enjoy sex.  If one of those things are off for women, she’s starting to do her laundry list in her head while her partner is huffing and puffing on top of her.

I’m going to offer up some suggestions for fixing the drought in upcoming blogs.  in the meanwhile, know that many guys are going to explode from lack of sex, and masturbation simply isn’t cutting it. 

1 Comment

  • Stafford "Doc" Williamson

    Sue,
    There are always exceptions to every rule, it seems, even to the rule about, “Never say ‘never’.”
    However, in this case, I would point out that there are some women who find menopause such a relief from the “burden” of worrying about pregnancy (especially if they are under strictures about the use of birth control) that it actually releases years of pent up desire. Modern focus on youth and sexuality seems to have forgotten a long tradition of the mythologically erotic model of the “lusty widow” (Chaucer wrote about one a thousand years ago, not entirely coincidentally from Bath, I seem to recall.) Of course, hormonally, the body is not the gushing geyser it once was, filled with teenage raging sex messages of urgency, but the biggest sex organ (as I call it in my book, Teenage Girls’ GUIDE to Move, Better Sex)the brain, is perfectly capable of sending appropriate lubricating signals to make for a “juicy” sex life well into the 80’s and beyond.
    But you are quite right that the “pressures of modern life” (felt by women since ancient times, by the way) tend to be libido killers by the time they are married for 10 or 20 years. Keeping the romance alive in the sex life is the key to a long happy sex life, and for that, both partners have to take responsibility to stimulate the other. Finding a rose on your bedside table that wasn’t there when you went to sleep can turn a lazy Saturday morning into a romantic interlude (if the kids’ carpool has already taken them off to soccer and swimming). The same is probably true of a pair of tickets to your spouse’s favorite outing (be that hockey or opera) with a note that the kids are to be away on a sleepover at grandma’s house (or Aunt Betty’s, or whatever). You might not think that meeting your wife dressed in nothing but saran wrap at the door would be a very effective seduction technique, but sometimes that kind of fall down laughing silliness is just what is needed to remind you both that sex is best when it is FUN, too.
    Love
    Stafford “Doc” Williamson

  • Write a Comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    [sc name="make appointment"]
    body image11

    Body Image, Hormones and Boudoir

    As someone who has had more than her share of weight and body image challenges (I have lost over 180 pounds at one time) …

    male libido1

    Low Libido Syndrome. Why men experience a decrease in desire for sex

    The desire to get naked, horizontal and sweaty with our partners (potential partner or just a hand and some time alone) should …

    deal breakers1

    How to work with relationship deal breakers

    What are relationship deal breakers? I was polling a group of single Duckling women recently and asked them what they could …

    Why joining a community will help you live longer.

    It has been long understood that as human beings we need to be surrounded by people who like and understand us. We need to …

    intimacy

    Intimacy. Why it may be the biggest sexual problem of all.

    I spend much of my day talking about the challenges and mechanics of sex. Low libido, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, …