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Why adults are still craving intimacy and the desire to stay sexy into middle age.

We as Canadians have always prided ourselves on our ability to be flexible, inclusive and to be open to both new ideas and changing times. Never has this been more necessary than in recent years. With households (often blended) requiring two working parents with irregular work schedules, kids in all sorts of programs often requiring travel –think hockey families- and more opportunity than ever to have spare time consumed in new and exciting ways, it is not a surprise that intimate time is at a premium and that the same old time spent between the sheets isn’t enough to capture our attention. Simply put, we as a nation are craving more interesting ways to spark our relationships. We are questioning whether the intimacy that the previous generations shared will see us through. The fifty plus percent divorce rate suggests not.

So if one or both partners in a relationship draw this conclusion, what is the next step? We (my husband Blaik and I) tested a theory during 2015 and were blown away by the results. It was kind of a “if we build it, will they come?” sort of thing. We set out to build a sassy and flirty club for couples and singles along the lines of monogamish. Monogamish is a relatively new term for couples who want to expand their sexuality and intimacy in a safe and fun way that allows for shifting into that “outside your comfort zone” area while maintaining the integrity of the relationship. Think being allowed to flirt with other people, perhaps visit a nude beach with a gaggle of like-minded friends or attend a sexy dance where you may enjoy multiple dance partners all with the approval of your primary partner.

We created a meet up group, sent out a newsletter, organized a few events and stepped back. Boom! 1500 people signed up in the first 9 months. We outgrew venue after venue. We added more events and they sold out. The club grows by 5 people per day. It is astounding the number of adults who want to be seen as sexy by their peers. And it goes without saying that they would rather do this with their partner’s involvement than behind their partner’s backs. We discovered that if you provide an outlet for couples to express the sexiness together in a manner safe to the relationship, they are all in. Their intimacy as a couple grew substantially as they remembered just how attractive their own partner was and could be.

Our experiment had other interesting spin-offs. As the community grew, volunteers came forward to both help out with the workload and offer their personal expertise. In other words, it was developing a life of its own. It has become a large part of many people’s lives and has become their social network. It has sparked relationships and people sign up for events months away because it gives them something to connect over and talk about.

The experiment needed a name and the club became “The Ducklings”. The website (www.wearetheducklings.com) was launched and more events are being posted each week. If you are interested in seeing the results of an experiment devised last March, you are invited to join the group and attend the January James Bond Casino night and dance. Laughter, hot costumes, sex appeal, and great fun from a bunch of regular Ottawa couples who simply understand that if you aren’t using that inner sexiness then you are losing it. And if you are using it, your own relationship becomes that much hotter which promotes deeper intimacy. These days, we all can use some of that.

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