8 tips for spicing things up!

spicing1Tips to keep things hot
It’s the #1 question I get from women over 30. I get constantly asked how to spice up relationships without stepping on landmines. For many people, the thought of having repetitive identical sex with the same partner for the next 30 years causes a decrease in libido, and has couples feeling shut down. I do a workshop with my husband we call “The Loving Hedonist”. It’s all about what’s new in sex. The seminars cover topics such as stepping out of your comfort zone, learning what really turns you on and how express your fantasies and desires safely. More importantly, it’s about understanding that adding creativity in the bedroom is one of the top three things you can do to stem off your chance of becoming one of the 51% of Canadians that divorce. The other two involve communication without stonewalling or contempt, and enhancing bonds of friendship and similar interests.

But what can you do today to spice up your intimacy?

Here is a list of eight suggestions that really work. Pick one and try it this week. Your relationship needs that kind of thought and effort.
1. Have an affair with your partner. Find a motel or hotel that charges by the half day. (Even if they are the kind where you have to pack your own towels) and set up the rendezvous. Or surprise your partner with a lunch date where you can fit in a nooner. Spontaneous sex and different locations are what most people list as memorable when I ask them about the best sex of their lives.

2. Boudoir pictures. Most people (especially men) are stimulated visually. Well done erotic photos pack a huge punch. Either hire a photographer (there are even boudoir groupons) or get a friend to take your photos. Forget the selfies, they never seem to turn out.

3. Have an imaginary threesome. Here are the rules. Sometimes called “monogamish”. Each of you picks out an anonymous person. Someone famous or maybe a server at the restaurant you frequent, but nobody you know well. Discuss together in bed what would happen if the three of you were to get together sexually. Next time select a different person.

4. Go through one of the online toy sites together. I like but Amazon has some cheap toys too, as they are both easy to navigate. Find something you both like and order it. The fun can be in the deferred gratification of waiting for the plain, brown package to arrive.

5. Act out a movie scene. Pick a movie that gets your juices racing. 50 Shades of Grey, 9 and ½ weeks or even Pride and Prejudice. Whatever works. You may start giggling but knowing what you like and taking a risk with your sweetie can make it very sexy.

6. Compete with your partner. Pitting yourself against your sweetie can boost your serotonin, attraction and chemistry. Your brain interprets that rush of adrenaline during games as connection to your partner. Anything that boosts your adrenaline bonds you as a couple. I like to suggest crazy things like bungee jumping, whitewater rafting, or sports bets. Even board games work. You can alter a basic jenga game to have blocks that read things like “kiss your partner on an interesting part of their body…”.

7. Try some light bondage. Use a simple cloth tie or try a pillowcase to immobilize them. Have your partner put their arms behind their back in an empty pillowcase and then lie back on the bed. Their body weight will hold their arms in place and allow them easy escape if desired while you touch them all over. If that doesn’t work I have a suggestion for cheap rope tricks that might get their attention.

8. I think those dollar store plastic drop sheets or shower curtains should be in everyone’s toy box. They keep your bed sheets protected while you cover your partner in oil, chocolate sauce, or whipped cream. Use your partner’s body as a base to make a sundae (or any other kind of dessert) as a treat. Then eat the treat without the use of hands.

Consider coming to one of my weekend or four week courses. Investing in your relationship and your sex life pays the best dividends. Check out the Duckling page for activities.