I’ve been seeing a bunch of patients who are having affairs. For some people it’s not a bad option – the guys I see who’s wives no longer give it to them and are going to spontaneously combust walking down the street, for those men an affair is a life saver. You have to get somewhere, and it’s safer and cheaper than paying for it. If you think someone isn’t getting sex, you are probably wrong. Every time the Durex Sex Survey is run, over 85% of men surveyed say they would have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught. I firmly believe that men are biologically attracted newness and will usually slip when tempted. Blame their biology. I think it’s harder than you think to fight 10,000 million years of evolution. If you are looking to cheat – try Ashley Madison, the dating site for those already attached…. I think it’s so very much safer than falling in love with a co-worker. But i would encourage you to look at my course on ethical non-monogamy. This is the place where you can discover the way to be transparent and get your needs met without sneaking around or screwing up your relationship.
Before you get mad ad say I’m encouraging cheating, in my experience there are many people for whom monogamy doesn’t work, and that safe, discreet, intimacy is a viable option. Being the child of divorce, I think inconsequential sex is better than breaking up families.
Anyway, my point today was in saying that despite all the information, many of my friends, patients or callers think their married lover is going to leave their wife. Just for the record, less than 10% EVER leave the wife. Don’t expect it if you are cheating. When you are ready let’s talk about swinging, poly, hall passes or other ways you can be upfront about wanting to step out.
The Flanders Panel, the great novel by the Spanish author Arturo Perez-Reverte has a fabulous quote about married men. ” In the end my dear, a married man invariably finds in favour of his legal wife. All those years of washing underpants and giving birth always prove to be the deciding factor. It’s just the way they’re made. Deep down they’re sickening loyal. The bastards.”
I couldn’t say it any plainer, so adulterers take heart.
