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The 21-word, 5 stage apology that will simplify your life.

Someone recently asked me what the best qualities were to look for in a potential partner. How do you know that when the chemistry wanes (9 to 15 months after you first hook up), that this person is worth the time to invest in a potential relationship? What should you really look for in a person you want to spend your intimate life with?
When you read some of the women’s magazines there is often a check list ranging from being a good provider to owning a toolbelt. For the men I speak to in my therapy sessions, most are “looking for a kind, friendly, sane woman who likes sex, and isn’t boring.”

When I ask groups at large about the best qualities I get responses like; “being great in bed, having an amazing body, Intelligent conversation, sense of humour, drive to achieve things, or great hygiene”. Although those things are important, (sometimes very important), I think self-awareness and a willingness to shift is the number one quality for a potential partner to have.

What I mean by self-awareness is the emotional faculty to see where you are wrong and do something about it. What I do know about relationships after 25 years as a shrink is that if you don’t own your share of a problem and sweep things under the rug you are destined to keep making the same mistake repeatedly.

Everyone screws up. It’s taking responsibility for your behavior and owning your share that gives you the ability to weather life’s challenges as a couple. An unqualified apology and a real desire to fix things is what I try and help clients understand during therapy. Things change. And life is sometimes hard. Being able to reflect and manage your mood is what makes us grown-ups.

The challenge comes if your reality doesn’t see your behavior as out of line. That takes some reflection, someone to bounce things off, and understanding patterns in your previous relationships. If it happened once it could be a personality conflict, if it happens more than once look at who is the common denominator.
It’s easy to wish problems away. It’s harder to know that sometimes your responses aren’t getting you the results that you are looking for.

One of the main tools I suggest using in therapy is an unqualified 5 stage apology. If you get a real, genuine apology and not a deflection then the other person has two choices as to how to respond. To forgive you or to throw you under the bus. A five-stage apology looks like this.

1. Clear regret
2. Understanding how your actions has hurt the other person
3. Making a plan so that it won’t happen again
4. Offering restitution
5. Saying the words.

It’s hard to remember all of that. My brilliant husband teaches how muscle memory practice helps you respond rather than react when you are trying to remember something important. I’ve got the 5 stage apology down to 21 simple words.

Here it is:
I’m sorry. I was wrong. (or moron, idiot, dick etc.) I know I hurt you. It won’t happen again. What can I do to fix this?

It allows you to move forward and come up with a solution. It gives you a starting point to fix ongoing issues. It doesn’t change personality issues or have people become something they are not. But it does allow you to move on core issues in relationships. And that’s worth apologizing for.

20 things women can do to increase your chance of having an orgasm!

I did a talk recently to over 600 women physicians at a National Women in Medicine Conference. What came out of it was the need for more information about female orgasm and how to treat it. Yes we are stuck on issues of low libido, but an inability to achieve orgasm can impact up to 34% of the population.

I was asked for a list of suggestions on how to finally “get there”. They can run from less to more intrusive but they are a good list to work from if you are troubleshooting lack of orgasm. Before it even starts make sure you are clean, voided and relaxed.

1. Clit piercing. Really. I have one and they especially help women with too much skin over the hood of their clitoris. Research a great Peircer but they are not as out there as you might think.
2.Scream cream. Read the link and the prescription on how to use this magic cream to increase blood flow to the genitals.
3. Fantasy, porn or erotica. I have a number of women who can’t climax unless they can have a story in their heads. Many women are ashamed of what they are imagining and they shut it down. You can think of anything in your creative imagination that gets you off. Remember it’s just a thought so stop editing yourself.
4. vaginal kung fu. Really. It involves jade eggs of other vaginal strengthening devices. Read more.
5. Scent. You may think aromatherapy sounds like hocus pocus but many women seriously react to scent. Great oral hygiene, and partners that smell good make us weak in the knees.
6.Ground up Valium or muscle relaxant in lube. It can loosen the muscles of the vaginal walls and make penetration more comfortable. It also allows more blood flow to the nerve endings of the clitoris. I am also hearing great things about the CBD oil for internal relaxation as well.
7.Dry humping. Yup, re-live those High School days. For loads of women they need less intense stimulation and through their clothes actually works.
8. Clench your ab muscles like climbing a rope in gym class. Something about tightening those abdominal muscles seems to really help.
9. Anal. I know more than a few women who need a butt plug, finger, or something vibrating in their ass in order to reach orgasm. Give it a try.
10. Increase your oxytocin levels. The best and easiest way to do this is to have lots of nipple stimulation.
11. And speaking of hormones that might be a problem. Speak to your doctor about getting tested. You physician can prescribe oxytocin, testosterone, DHEA, progesterone or estrogen (the sex hormones) in the right dosage for you and finally get you over the hump.
12. Focus on 10 and 2 O’Clock. Touching those spots on the sides of the clit offers most women the best kind of orgasm-inducing stimulation.
13. Give yourself a deadline. Sometimes the thought of sex going on forever can feel daunting. And some women simply need a target to try and achieve. Set the tier on your phone and see what happens.
14. Make sure your feet are warm. The study from North Carolina said that cold feet can decrease a woman’s ability to reach orgasm.
15. Lose the high heels and work on your posture. Sometimes it can be as simple as a tweaked back nerve.
16. Stimulate the left side of the spine. It helps trigger the orgasm reflex. I know a woman who can climax from having the top part of her ass on the left side bitten.
17. Try a hot wash cloth on the vulva before sex can help dilate the blood vessels.
18. Rate the pleasure and trick your brain. It helps get your head out of your grocery list and sneak up on their orgasm.
19. Find the most sensitive part of their body and spend loads of time on it. Gentle touch on the outside in and go very, very gently. There is a great article in Tim Ferris’s 4 Hour Body book about the benefits of feather soft touch.
20. Try some of the new toys. I’m a big fan of the Zumio, the Intensity, the Magic Wand, and the We Vibe.

Non-Monogamy four week workshop starting July 30th, 2018

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
We have a new non-monogamy course starting later this month. It’s like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.

The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. And there is no one-size fits all.

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.

And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us for a small group starting a few weeks from now. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up. It is great if you can join us in person but easy of you need to video in.

Monday July 30, Monday Aug 13th, Monday Aug 20th, Monday Aug 27th 7-9(ish) pm
81 Pooler Ave. Very limited enrollment. $400/couple, $200 individual.

1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.

2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers

3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.

4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.

An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.

Sign up single $200





Couple sign up $400





Why you should try Sex Therapy. And how to pick the right Therapist for you.

I had been asked recently to help find a sex therapist for a couple in another city. It was surprisingly difficult. I’m a sex therapist with lots of colleagues I’ve met over the 25 tears I’ve been in practice and I had trouble finding a counselor who “got it” and was currently taking on new clients. I do Skype and phone therapy all over the world but often clients prefer to see someone face to face. It prompted me to post some suggestions on how you might find a great sex therapist near you.
Positive sex therapy is at the very least effective, warm and offers clear goals on what successful treatment might look like.

Great sex therapy (in my opinion), is less than 10 visits, goal and solution oriented, connected, safe, and encourages you to look at new answers to long-standing problems. Good sex therapy is not lying on a couch talking about your Mother (unless it’s really relevant). It’s having a therapist help you understand the physical, emotional, psychological, relationship, or habit forming challenges that has led to a disconnect between the sheets.

It’s about talking with grace, kindness, warmth and a sense of humour.
The most common reasons people see me for sex therapy:

Dissatisfaction with level of sexual desire. Low libido is the #1 issue.
No longer attracted to partner
Desire to explore the lifestyle, poly, or non-monogamy
Sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and difficulty reaching orgasm
Mismatch in sexual desire between partners
Questioning sexuality and/or gender identity
Processing sexual assault, trauma, or unwanted sexual touch
Chronic pain that inhibits sex or when sex is painful
Getting back into the groove sexually, or spicing up your intimate life.

The research about success for any kind of therapy breaks down like this.
30% of the success in therapy is simply making the decision to do something about it.
20% is the therapeutic fit. Do you like the therapist’s style and do they hear you?
40% is the therapist’s skill, insight, tools, techniques, and theory that they use to treat you.
10% is a combination of shifts, number of sessions and other nebulous reasons that people want to change.

If you are looking for a therapist there may be some questions that can help.

What is your approach to solving my problem? Can you give me some examples of how you have treated it in the past?
What do you think is a good therapeutic goal?
How many sessions (approx) will it take to treat my issue?
Would you be able to suggest any resources that would give me more info on [my concern]? A therapist who has experience and knowledge in a certain topic should be familiar with and able to provide homework quickly. If they don’t, they aren’t knowledgeable about your area of challenges.

If you are not in the Nation’s Capital and are open to a skype or phone session I would be delighted to take you on as a client. Book an appointment here.

It’s another reason to eat oysters…. Seafood-rich diet may help couples get pregnant faster

The sex mineral for men that helps improve erection and sexual functioning is zinc. Zinc for your dink. Oysters and other seafoods are loaded with it. Magnesium is the sex mineral for women. Seafood is a great source of that as well. Now a new study out of Washington says that “seafood consumption improved sexual activity frequency, reduced time to conception”.

So if you are trying to get knocked up the fishmonger may help.

“Couples who eat more seafood tend to have sexual intercourse more often and get pregnant faster than other couples trying to conceive, according to a new study published in the Endocrine Society’s Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.

Seafood is an important source of protein and other nutrients for women who are or may become pregnant, but concerns about mercury have led some women to avoid fish when trying to conceive. According to the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, 90 percent of the fish eaten in the United States is low in mercury and safe to eat. Although the agencies recommend two to three servings of lower-mercury fish per week, 50 percent of pregnant women still eat far less than the recommended amount.

“Our study suggests seafood can have many reproductive benefits, including shorter time to pregnancy and more frequent sexual activity,” said one of the study’s authors, Audrey Gaskins, Sc.D., of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston, Mass. “Our study found that couples who consume more than two servings of seafood per week while trying to get pregnant, had a significantly higher frequency of sexual intercourse and shorter time to pregnancy.”

In the prospective cohort study, researchers from Harvard followed 500 Michigan and Texas couples from the Longitudinal Investigation of Fertility and the Environment (LIFE) Study for one year to determine the relationship between seafood intake and time to pregnancy. Participants recorded their seafood intake and sexual activity in daily journals.

The researchers found that 92 percent of couples who ate seafood more than twice a week were pregnant at the end of one year, compared to 79 percent among couples consuming less seafood. The association between seafood and faster time to pregnancy was not completely explained by more frequent sexual activity, suggesting other biological factors were at play. These could include effects on semen quality, ovulation or embryo quality, Gaskins said.

“Our results stress the importance of not only female, but also male diet on time to pregnancy and suggests that both partners should be incorporating more seafood into their diets for the maximum fertility benefit,” she said.”

10 things that men might not know about their penises. Despite owning one.

It’s amazing to women how obsessed men can be about their genitals. Women have our share of body image issues but rarely is the obsession focused on our girl bits. As a Sex Therapist I have men in my office every day worried about being hard enough, big enough, lasting long enough, and being skilled enough. The worry about genital normalcy can be all consuming for some guys despite all the things they have going for them. For most men there is lots of pressure to perform. You must get hard, stay hard, initiate, have some game, understand a partner’s needs, don’t come too quickly and understand sexual etiquette. And despite playing with their penis for decades most men aren’t aware of things their penis can do.
I wanted to share some things that you may not know that your penis is capable of in a series of “genitally focused blogs”. I love my job.

1. You can “break your penis”. While the penis has no bone, it does have tissues that can be damaged by rigorous sex. Be carefully about “slamming it home” when it isn’t fully hard. Peyronies is a medical condition where the penis has been injured and scar tissue on one side or another pulls the erection in such a way that you get a bend to one side or another can also happen with a penile injury. Wear your jock strap playing sports.

2. You can change the taste of your sperm. Partners who give oral sex on men are aware of this but fruit an hour before sexual activity can help make a partner much more orally inclined. Dig up the strawberries.

3. Everyone worries about being inadequate. Sexual anxiety is the most common thing I see with men. It can manifest as trouble with erections, but the most common issue is ejaculation challenges. Either too fast or premature or difficulty or delayed ejaculation. Ejaculation is something you can do mindfully (like breathing), but when you are anxious ejaculation can be triggered by the automatic reflex system and be over before it’s started. Breathing, keegals, and gelking can all help last longer. Gelking is the technique where you masturbate and don’t let yourself climax. By staying on the edge you can learn where the point of no return actually is. Read more about it here.

4. Viagra and Cialis are not just for old men. If I was a guy over 30….and if the stress level is through the roof I would be taking boner pills. 1/10th of a pill is often enough to prevent the loss of an erection so cut them in quarters and diminish any possible headaches or other side effects. A new partner, new situation, overall stress or lack of privacy all influences erectile abilities. And it’s normal.

5. Masturbation is like food and water. Everyone needs both. I firmly believe this and have long espoused that “if you can’t play with your own equipment, you shouldn’t play with someone else’s.” Get better at playing with your penis by masturbating in a variety of ways and by learning to delay ejaculation.

6. Your penis has no brain. It is a creature of habit. Interrupting the process of automatic responses by using warm oils, cooling gels, different textures and experiences cause a delay or increased intensity in ejaculation.

7. It’s okay to say no to sex if you are tired, or it’s moving too fast. Talk to your doctor about adding testosterone if you have lost the loving feeling. 20% of men over 35 have lost (or are rapidly losing) their sexual desire. Low libido is the most common thing I treat in my practice. And 20% of the clients I see are men. I see men every week struggling to find the interest to engage with their partners sexually.

8. Smoking shrinks your penis by 1cm, and chronic weed smoking can impact your erections. Everything in moderation. Especially things under grow lamps.

9. Your penis also is made up of muscle. I have seen many clients who have gone on extreme diets and have had penile muscle atrophy. Losing weight is great for your sex life. Crazy diets cause ED and should be one of the disclaimers they make you sign when you start living on 500 calories a day.

10. 94% of men have measured their dicks. They typically range from 4-6 inches erect and only under 2 inches can you call yours a micro penis. Or as one of my clients calls his genital “a bee with testicles”. There are things I can help with for penis size. Have a look at my download here.

A Sex with Sue, Female-only event for Breast Cancer. Orgasms in O Town! June 19, 2018

Details about the Orgasm Night in O Town! A fundraiser for breast cancer.

Grab your girlfriends and come out, find your sexy self and talk orgasms!

Hosted by Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist. We will dish out and sample all the new things that can bring you to orgasm. Sue will have the latest tips, techniques and suggestions. Lorrie the chair of our Orlando Ducklings is surviving from breast cancer surgery she has had in 2018. It’s a cause near to our hearts. In fact, right over our hearts.

The evening includes:
-a presentation by Dr. Belanger at Innovo Medical about the Orgasm Enhancing shot and the vaginal tightening laser. How to turn your orgasms up to 11!

-Details about the Zumio- The amazing new toy designed by women and based in Ottawa.

-Corset fittings from the Stag Shop. Find a corset that actually fits! What a concept.

-Make up samples and goodie bags

-Wine, chocolate and strawberries

-The new Vaginal Kung Fu with Tantra Instructor Kerry Lundy

Proceeds to Breast Cancer Foundation

Tuesday June 19 from 6:30 to 8:30
Innovo Medical
1328 Labrie Ave (Off Cyrville Road) Ottawa
Details at www.sexwithsue.com or at Innovo Medical (613) 749-4668
Cost is $10 at the door. Everyone is welcome.

The 5-step process to achieve female orgasm

For the over 15% of women who rarely achieve orgasm, sex can be a huge source of frustration.
Inability to achieve orgasm is the second most common female sexual dysfunction that Sex Therapists see clinically in their offices trailing only libido issues.1 With pat answers like “increasing the romance”, “lighting a candle” or ‘trying a new sex position for intercourse” women who can’t climax have been offered inane suggestions that haven’t resulted in sexual satisfaction. Women on the inorgasmia blogs describe feeling “shut down and confused”, or “ashamed that they don’t work properly sexually”. What women have been looking for are clear solutions in reaching climax.
There are a few new products that when coupled with current research suggestions offer up a step by step process for achieving orgasm. While there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to orgasm achievement, these suggestions sure help increase the odds. Here are five steps that women might try.

1. Women need to give themselves permission to achieve orgasm in whatever way their body needs to climax. It helps dramatically if women let go worries about what they look like, what they fantasize about or whether they are being sexual the right or wrong way. Editing your sexual thoughts go a long way to shutting down a sexual response. Women have a right to pleasure. Many women believe that the only right orgasm is one that is achieved through vaginal intercourse.
“Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship. This statistic comes not from just one study, but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her fascinating book The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press).”2

2. Adding a clitoral dilating cream (such as the Scream Cream with Sildenafil. See below for prescription) to the clitoris and labia 40 minutes before stimulation will help dilate the blood vessels in the entire genital region. It is blood flowing against nerve endings that help trigger orgasm.

3. Find something erotic. Again, there is no one size fits all but more women find story based movies or erotic literature arousing. Whatever individually appeals don’t edit it (50 Shades of Grey sold millions of copies) and allow yourself the time to become really turned on.

4. Start physically with 10 to 15 minutes of nipple stimulation. Dr. Prudence Hall of California says in her book Radiant Again and Forever that 10 minutes or more of nipple stimulation produces enough oxytocin for most women to become aroused enough to desire sex and increases the ability for most women to achieve orgasm.

5. Get a Zumio. The new Zumio is an award-winning toy and medical device that targets stimulation with pin-point accuracy. Some of the reviews about it include
“Different and more intense than anything else.”
“Wow, it sure lets me hit the right spots.”
“Mind-blowing! An orgasm in less than a minute and three in under ten!”
By understanding that each spot on your entire labia, clitoris and vaginal opening has different nerve endings, the Zumio toy can be used to target different areas. The Zumio offers both a circling motion along with vibration to help enhance blood flow to the area needed to achieve climax. Eight speed settings help women not to feel overpowered with too much sensation but also increase the intensity to extremely powerful when needed.

These steps offer up a great recipe for inorgasmia.
But there are also other ideas that troubleshoot inorgasmia. These include the application of muscle relaxants to the inside of the vaginal area to help increase blood flow. Grind up an over-the-counter Robaxin, suspend it in lube and insert it in vaginally. It helps with penetrative ease, and it also helps encourage openness of the complete vaginal area. The new Orgasm shot3 uses an injection of your own platelets (PRP) exactly where the blood supply and nerves to the G-spot lie. The spot grows in size and nerves multiply. In turn, the G-spot becomes easier to touch and delivers more sensation and an increased ability to reach orgasm.
Understanding your body and using the new technology available such as the Zumio medical device will help ensure that full orgasmic responses are available to all women.

1. http://www.healthywomen.org/condition/sexual-dysfunction
2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic
3. https://inovomedical.ca/sexual-health/o-shot/orgasm-shot-o-shot-what-is-it/


Scream Cream:

Studies have reported that over 43% of women in North America experience little to no sexual satisfaction from clitoral orgasm and only 25% acheive orgasm with intercourse. In fact, according to the studies, numerous women between 18 and 80 do not even know what an orgasm is or how it is achieved.
Whether someone is multi-orgasmic or among the 43% of women who are sexually frustrated, any woman who desires maximum sexual fulfillment, greater intimacy, and enhanced relationships stands to benefit from regular use of Scream Cream.
Unlike the over-the-counter orgasm cream you buy at the sex store, Scream Cream packs a punch. Invented by my favourite pharmacist, Scott Watson at Watsons’s Pharmacy in Ottawa. I’m giving it to women along with a high end, high vibration toy (like a magic wand or intensity), scream cream is doubling the amount of women I’m able to offer suggestions that bring women to orgasm.
Scream cream contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodilators. Each ½ gram dose contains Aminophylline 15-mg, Isosorbid dinitrate 1.25 mg, Ergoloid mesylate 0.25 mg, Pentoxifylline 25 mg, and L-Arginine 30-mg. Disolved in a water based hypoallergenic transdermal vehicle (think lube). The vehicle is designed to enhance the rate of absorption and to cause the medication to be retained locally in order to maximize local effects and metabolism while minimizing the potential side effects.

Use:

Scream cream should be applied directly to the clitoris (or the penis) at least 30 minutes prior to anticipated sexual relations and gently (or vigorously ) massaged in. The duration of effect ranges from 30 minutes to 2 hours and heightens both the ease of stimulation and intensity of orgasm.
Contraindications:
Patients with a history of sensitivity to any of the ingredients should not use this product. Patients with a history of genital herpes should use this product with caution as L-Arginine may facilitate the reproduction of the herpes virus.
Scream cream is packaged in 30 multi-dose tubes.
2 or 4% sildenafil
3% L-Arginine
5% Phentoxifylline

 

The O shot – A Sex Therapist’s Firsthand experience

As a credible Sex Therapist I don’t refer any of my clients to other specialists, procedures, or fellow Therapists without first knowing the other professionals style and treatment plans. Any referral has to have a good likelihood of working for that specific client or I won’t attach my name to it. I value my client’s time and money, and patients pay for my expertise in the area of sexuality. I only refer to people I know, like and trust.

In the past I had sent a few clients to Montreal and Toronto to get the O shot procedure from physicians I had previously met at conferences on sexuality. My clients are women who have been struggling with lack of orgasm, decreased sensitivity and incontinence. The clients seemed happy with the results. But they were understandably anxious and there were significant costs in traveling out of town. New clients had questions about the procedure that I could only answer from the third person. I then heard that in 2017 the Orgasm or O shot was now available in my hometown of Ottawa, Ontario by Inovo Medical. They had a booth about sexual and cosmetic medicine at the Women’s Show and had great reviews from previous patients. It was time for me to go through the O shot procedure myself in order to feel like “I was walking the walk”. The other sexual procedures done at Inovo Medical include an increase in penile girth, the P shot for Peyronie’s (bend in the penis), and laser treatments for vaginal tightening.

I arranged a meeting with the chief physician at Innovo Medical, Dr. Belanger, in order to ask my questions in person and get his take on the procedure. My first meeting was actually Halloween day. The whole staff was dressed up, laughing, offering up chocolate all while being very professional. I love Halloween and chocolate so I felt the love. It was a great atmosphere with a supportive and inclusive group. I was invited to join them over lunch and the staff (including their resident physicians) were all present and engaged discussing sexual medicine. I was sold.
The O shot is defined as “The Orgasm Shot® (O-Shot®) procedure is a very specific method of using blood-derived growth factors to rejuvenate the vagina to help relieve women with urinary incontinence and sex problems.”
That’s a formal way of saying that by injecting the body’s own platelets into the vagina, G spot, vulva and urethra it encourages significant healing and increased blood flow in those areas. PRP procedure uses the body’s own healing to concentrate on areas that have been diminished. Athletes use the procedure to heal specific areas after injuries.

The O shot was designed to improve areas of Female sexual dysfunction. Besides incontinence, female sexual dysfunction can include:

• Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (usually but not always accompanies Sexual Desire Disorder). Women who suffer with this may want to have sex but have much difficulty finding the pleasure of arousal. The 5% incidence doesn’t sound like much until you think about it–that’s the same as one in 20!

• Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (Low desire). Remember, that this is not counted a disorder unless it’s disrupting the woman’s life. Around 10% of women suffer with this problem. Important: Suffering with a sexual disorder does not simply make sex not fun. Better sex leads to more energy, more creativity, increased confidence, less depression, and improved overall health.

• Female Orgasmic Disorder: Again around 1 in 20 (or 5%). Here women can become aroused but have much difficulty with orgasm. This can be so frustrating that sex becomes a frustration that they avoid.

• Dyspareunia: Here the woman suffers with real pain with sex (not from decreased lubrication or vaginal spasm). The incidence is from around 1 in 10 to 1 in 5 women. (The above shocking statistics came from Obstetrics & Gynecology April 2011)
If you experience any of those kinds of sexual dysfunction you might want to seriously consider getting an O shot. For women over 50 who are lacking in sensitivity it’s one of the most effective treatments. It’s not inexpensive, but for a one-time try the procedure costs $700. It may be a good birthday present suggestion.
The whole procedure takes about 2 hours to complete all at the Inovo Medical Centre near Montreal and Olgivie Roads in Ottawa.

Here’s how it works:

After you arrive at Innovo, the staff will ask you to use the washroom to put some Emla (numbing lotion) cream all over your vulva and inside the vagina. After about 30 minutes you feel NOTHING. Everything is numb.
After that, Jenny the cheerful nurse brings you into a room and takes a vial of blood out of your arm to spin for the procedure. You go back into the waiting room and continue getting numb while reading a magazine. Expect to sit for 45 minutes while the cream works to make the procedure pain-free.

Once the plasma is ready Dr. Belanger gets you into the stirrups and uses a local anesthetic (like you get at the dentist) to further freeze your nether regions. After a few minutes more of waiting for you to be completely frozen your own plasma (PRP) is then injected into three spots. The first injection is by your clitoris, the second near your urethra and the third is inside the vagina into your G spot.

The truth is I felt absolutely zero pain for the first two injections. I was so numb that I didn’t even feel the pressure. For the G spot injection I did feel a twinge but not even as much as a bee sting.
After the procedure you are asked to wait to make sure you have no swelling and then you get dressed. That’s it. Oh, and they give you the extra plasma to take home to put into the fridge to use on your face at night over the next few weeks as with the vampire face lift. It’s definitely an added bonus and you get the 2 for the price of 1 treatment.
The O shot can take up to 6 weeks to be fully engaged. It’s been that long since my procedure. I have noticed an increase in my natural lubrication and a tightening of the vaginal opening. Given that reaching orgasm has never been an issue in the past I haven’t noticed any change. But there does seem to be an improvement in minor incontinence during exercise. I would certainly consider getting a second O shot a few months down the road to continue healing the urethra and to promote vaginal stimulation.

Read about Inovo Medical here and you may want to start the conversation for yourself.

Best date ideas for 2018. Why keeping it romantic is worth the effort.

Why surprising your partner (even when you are super busy) is essential for great relationships.

I try hard to consistently do and suggest great date night ideas. My friend Angela sends me ideas every quarter for activities in the Nation’s Capital (Dec/Jan’s are posted below).
But for those of you who don’t live in Canada’s most beautiful city my team has come up with some of the best new date suggestions for 2018.

Feeding each other at a food truck.
Even when it’s cold the food trucks make some of the best tacos, chips, and beaver tails around.

New Year’s fireworks. Most communities have firework displays (or inexpensive fireworks) to ring in the New Year. Find a good spot (hint: try the top level of a parking garage), and gaze at the spectacle. Bring along some sparklers and warm beverages in a thermos to make it more fun.

Geocashing. Geocaching is the ultimate scavenger hunt. Using a smartphone and GPS coordinates, participants search for hidden objects. Just sign up for a free Geocaching account and download the app. Then pick a geocache near you and start hunting. It’s a great togetherness activity.

Have you considered ice fishing? You can bring a deck of cards and stay out on the ice in rented fishing huts. Check your local outdoor store for details.

Stargaze. Pack some blankets and dust of those festival chairs. There are lots of stars that you can’t see in the summer and it’s worth some cuddle time on a cold night. Once the stars come out, search for constellations and identify them using an app or book. Make a game of it: Whoever finds a specific star, planet, or constellation — or the most of all three — wins.

Play strip chess. Learn to give great massages.

The list of activities in Ottawa:
Skating through the Forest – Discover the enchanting site of Skating Through the Forest next to the vast Gatineau Park, at 45 minutes from Ottawa. Savour the pristine experience of ice skating on a natural 3km open air ice path in an incredible landscape and sheltered from the wind. Non-skaters can spend some time snowshoeing or walking on our designated paths. Can you spot our friendly wolf “Loupie”? After discovering the ice, join us in our chalet for a hot drink and a snack. (opens officially Dec 15th!) https://www.patinageenforet.com

Alight the Night – Starting Friday! EASTERN ONTARIO’S BIGGEST OUTDOOR LIGHT FESTIVAL. Bundle up for an evening stroll through this picture-perfect postcard setting! Close to one million lights adorn the heritage buildings, trees and fences of Upper Canada Village creating a one-of-a-kind magical backdrop for its annual Alight at Night Festival – a
true winter wonderland! https://www.uppercanadavillage.com/events/alight-at-night/

Rideau Hall Skating Rink – The outdoor skating rink was originally built in 1872, during the mandate of the Earl of Dufferin, Canada’s third governor general. Along with his wife, Lady Dufferin—who quickly became a keen skater herself—he organized many skating parties during his stay at Rideau Hall. Today, you can step back in time and go for a skate on this historic rink which is also now refrigerated. Saturdays and Sundays, from 12 noon to 5 p.m. (without reservations).
http://www.gg.ca/document.aspx?id=15335&lan=eng

8. Christmas Lights across Canada – Ottawa sparkles and shines during the Christmas season with Christmas Lights across Canada. From early December to early January, thousands of colourful lights illuminate the National Capital Region’s winter landscape. The 33rd edition of Christmas Lights across Canada will take place from December 7, 2017 to January 7, 2018. Hundreds of thousands of dazzling holiday lights glow throughout downtown Ottawa. Parliament Hill is a must-see stop on any tour of the lights, with tens of thousands of bulbs lighting its historic buildings.

Also from December 7, 2017 to January 7, 2018, a winter lightscapes multimedia show is projected onto Parliament Hill’s Centre Block. Inspired by Canada’s nature, climate and culture, this 13-minute fairy tale runs nightly in a loop, from 5:30 p.m. to 11:00 p.m.https://www.ottawatourism.ca/ottawa-insider/christmas-lights-across-canada/
10. Christmas in the Byward market – Complimentary wagon rides and Christmas Choirs. Saturday and Sunday on the George Street Plaza from noon – 4 p.m. Choirs: Saturday, December 16 12:00-2:00 Northern Stars Saturday, December 16 2:00-4:00 Ottawa Gay Men’s Choir, Sunday, December 17 12:00-2:00 Chinese Alliance Church, Sunday, December 17 2:00-4:00 Ottawa University

Christmas in the ByWard Market – Wagon Rides & Christmas Choirs


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Ottawa Art Gallery Lit Up – We’re taking art outside for one night!
Join us as the Ottawa Art Gallery (OAG) celebrates two new commissioned works in the front courtyard of the soon to be opened OAG Expansion at 50 Mackenzie King Bridge. The night will include the spectacular projection artwork Of Buffalo, Bears, and Indian Scouts on the facade of the new OAG cube by Bear Witness and an accompanying DJ set by the JUNO winner. We will also be celebrating the large-scale, interactive light installation Ascension by The Latest Artists which will soon be mounted on the Mackenzie King Bridge wall. So much to celebrate! Heated tents, festive food and drink, participatory artwork and much more will help to mark the occasion. Admission: Free. 50 Mackenzie King Bridge (at the intersection of Waller Street), front courtyard https://www.ottawaartgallery.ca/whatson/2017/12/15/oag-lit-up-art-unveiling-celebration
13. Tim Hortons on the Hill – December 14, 15, 16, 17, 30 and 31. 12 p.m. to 6 p.m. Warm up and refuel with free coffee and hot chocolate from the Tim Hortons truck on the Hill!

14. Inuit experiences with Nunavut Sivuniksavut December 16 and 17 on Parliament Hill. 11:15 a.m. to 11:45 a.m., 2:15 p.m. to 2:45 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Join Inuit youth from the Nunavut Sivuniksavut
college program for choral singing, group dancing from the Western Arctic, throat singing, drum dancing, a sharing of their history, culture and
language through education as well as a demonstration of Inuit Games such as the Muskox, Leg Wrestle and High Kick.
https://app.pch.gc.ca/application/dec150/detail-eng.html?id=186606

The top 5 things you can do to improve your relationship in 2018

Every year researchers come up with new studies that outline the best way to stay connected with your significant other. Much of the advice seems like common sense. But even as a Sex and Relationship Therapist I have to remember to be mindful and find time to really focus on my partner with these ideas.

1. Stay positive:
“It’s not surprising that the more positive a person is, the more likely they’ll be happy in their relationships. What’s interesting is just how much it matters.
In a study from the University of Chicago, researchers found that when a husband has a high level of positivity, there’s less conflict in his relationship. Likewise, the way partners respond to each other’s good news matters too. In a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that the way couples react to each other’s good news—either with excitement, pride, or indifference—is crucial in forming a strong bond.”

2. Have a life outside of your partner:
Not only is it important to have something interesting to talk about at the end of the day, outside friendships can help reinforce the couple connection. This doesn’t mean losing emotional intimacy with your husband or wife. It just means that married couples have a lot to gain by fostering their relationships with family members and friends. The happiest couples, she says, are those who have interests and support “beyond the twosome.”

3. Have fun together and do new things:
I (along with my amazing husband) started a date night group a number of years ago called The Ducklings. If you are anywhere near Eastern Ontario then come on out and join us. What kept coming up was the need for fun ideas to keep things exciting. It’s really easy to get in a rut. Doing things that are out of your comfort zone together creates hard-to-break bonds. This also means just having fun together. Research from The University of Denver shows that couples who make time for fun activities tend to stay together longer:
“The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time,” says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university’s Center for Marital and Family Studies.
“The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant.”

4. Make time for great Sex:
Yes I think sex is critical for relationships. Life can get in the way of being sexy. And as partners feel pushed away they are less likely to initiate. And sex starts to feel awkward. Being able to communicate about what your sexual needs are and asking for what you need sexually is something I often facilitate between spouses in my office.
“Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.
“Couples need to talk about the frequency of sex,” Dr. Anthony said in an e-mail. “Talking openly about sex and finding a middle ground with regard to frequency appears to be very important for overall sexual and relationship satisfaction.”
It might seem silly to do something like scheduling time for intimacy, but it’s important to open up the dialogue about your sex life to dedicate some time to just be with each other.”

5. Communication and The division of labour:
Communication can be all important when it comes to impacting the relationship. I have a rule with my clients that they have to learn to talk about issues holding hands and maintaining eye contact. It helps. Understanding that if you can maintain your clam and learn to fight fair (here are the rules) then it goes a long way to settling the differences between couples.
Stop fighting about money, and quit talking about big issues by email or text.

Good communication takes effort, it’s hard, and it doesn’t always go smoothly. But when you let small things fester and don’t communicate, problems arise. Studies show that it’s usually money that causes this rift, but every relationship has its own set of issues that need to get worked through.

“Quit hashing out problems over text messages: Technology has a knack for disrupting relationships, but one study pinpointed that couples who deal with fights over text have a lower relationship quality. This means couples who used text messages to apologize or work out differences instead of having face to face conversations tended to report unhappiness. That said, positive texts like the occasional “I love you” are still great, just stop trying to work complicated things out over SMS.”

Finally, don’t be a dumbass when it comes to sharing the work load. I hear about how exhausted the women who visit my office are feeling. Some of it is self-inflicted in that they want to entertain perfectly or have a Marth Stewart Christmas. But many of them are working full time and then come home to another full time job cooking, cleaning, shopping, child care etc. Feeling overwhelmed and tired is one of the top reasons women are less interested in sex.

Contribute to the household chores: In a small scale study, UCLA researchers tracked the lives of several relationships over the course of 4 years. Their conclusions? Couple who have a system to handle household chores and who evenly disperse those chores are a lot happier. So, when you’re significant other makes the suggestion that you do the dishes now and again, just do it.

Bring Back that Loving Feeling! Low Libido and Desire workshop Starting Jan 20th 2018


Low desire in one partner is probably one of the top reasons why individuals and couples alike seek out sex therapy. People from all walks of life occasionally struggle to re-kindle low or missing sexual desire or libido.

Help is on the way!

Starting January 20, renowned Clinical Sex and Relationship Therapist, Sue McGarvie, M.A. will be facilitating the ‘Libido & Desire Workshop’. This 4-week program offers participants the latest information on how to improve sexual desire physically, emotionally, psychologically and increase intimacy within relationships.

Are you spending too much time wondering where your libido has gone?
Are your relationships devoid of intimacy?
Do you find yourself reminiscing about the last time when you were easily sexually aroused?
Do you find yourself or your partner challenged by different levels of sexual interest?

If you’ve answered, “Yes” to any of the above questions, this workshop has been designed with you in mind.
This event is open to both Individuals and couples. There is limited enrollment for this program, so register now!

Cost: $375/ individual or $500/ couple. This program is covered by most extended health care plans. Payment through PayPal portal.
Location: Centre for Interpersonal Relationships (267 O’Connor St., Suite 600, Ottawa)
Sign up here!