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School of Sex. Nipple stimulation, anal sex and chocolate bunt cake! Be informed

It’s time for a School of Sex!

Our survey results mentioned Anal play as a topic of interest, and there are some new toys, and techniques around nipple and breast stimulation that needs addressing. We want to add some bunt cake to the mix (that’s the cake with a hole in it) along with a chance to meet, mingle and make new friends!

We will cover the 14 misconceptions about anal sex, and why 46% of Canadians want some kind of rear end play. The afternoon will also cover prostate massage, pegging, and the latest in butt toys. And if that’s not enough, we will outline a program of breast stimulation that the latest literature suggests actually works to improve size, and firmness of breast tissues. A fun activity to try with a friend (or friends!)

We will have a try-this-at-home play set of nipple clamps, and a game that involves “headlights”.

We think everyone can get better in bed. Even with over 25 years as a Sex Therapist there are always new things to learn. Be great in bed and up your sex IQ.

It’s discreet (you can wear a fake name and sit at the back of the room), funny, incredibly informative and interactive. And a number of our Duckling couples have met at School of Sex mingles. So it’s a great way to make connections. Come out on a Sunday afternoon and learn about bottom and breast play. And eat chocolate cake in funny shapes.

Cost is $30 (cash at the door) or by paypal below. You can also send an etransfer to bdspratt@gmailcom. Check out the site at www.wearetheducklings.com/events
It runs 3-5:30 on Sunday, Feb 17th at the Rosemount Orange Hall.

Valentine’s Day gifts for under $10! Be sexy but cheap!

I love these suggestions! I use pinkcherry.ca (they give me loyalty points) and are inexpensive!

Under $10

· Romantic Rose Petals ($3.99) – It is Valentine’s Day after all, why not bring some romance into the bedroom tonight? Spread these romantic rose petals around your bed and set the tone for a passionate lovefest.

· Trojan Ultra Thin Condoms 3 Count ($5.99) – Safety first! Unless you’re more interested in getting a U Check Pregnancy Test…. ($4.99)

· Edible Crotchless Gummy Panties (5.99) – Your partner doesn’t need to be the only snack in the bedroom tonight. Turn yourself into a tasty treat with these yummy Edible Gummy Undies. These delicious candy undies are a sexy way to satisfy your lover’s sweet tooth, available in peach, strawberry and watermelon flavors.

· Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Metal Cuffs ($5.99) – Hey, beginners all have to start somewhere right? These metal cuffs are perfect for bondage novices yet strong enough for even Houdini. The locking mechanism has a quick-release button in case you lose the key, and their sturdy design ensures they’re made to play hard.

· Ultimate Roll Bedroom Dice ($6.99) – Not sure how to spend Valentine’s night? Why not… roll the dice. In this game of chance, there are no losers. Dice Include: Foreplay Activities, Fun Props, Oral Sex Positions and Sex Positions.

· JO All in One Warming Massage Glide ($4.99) – It’s getting hot in here! Use this as a massage oil to get the party started, then use it as lube to conveniently slip into something more comfortable – like the person next to you. Plus, it warms as you use it, like a hot tub, in your hands… or pants!

Dec 1st Naughty Xmas Market at the Orange Hall!

This is adult Christmas shopping! It’s all the items you can’t buy at a church bazaar this holiday. Corsets, pasties, Erotic Art, wine, Toys, and so much more.

We will have pictures with Santa only far more inappropriate. A lingerie fashion show and a Christmas playlist that they don’t play in elevators. $10 at the door and proceeds are going to Ottawa breast cancer support for local survivors. We have two Ducks (and Blaik’s sister) all fighting breast cancer and we want to help.

You can park in the school parking lot across the street. Music, community, shopping wine, Santa, food all for a fantastic cause. We will have elves wrapping presents and some fabulous vendors. Come and join us.

The Rosemount Orange Hall! 41 Rosemount Ave Ottawa. Parking across the street at the school

Your sperm needs some TLC! How to get your boys in the best shape for the swim of their lives!

It’s amazing how many of my clients are struggling with fertility. Yes the recipe requires fresh eggs, and yes it’s important to spend some time naked and horizontal to conceive.  But male fertility after years of microwaving yogurt containers (full of bad estrogens that diminish sperm), and too many soccer balls to the gonads male infertility is on the rise. 

Thanks to the brilliant Orlando urologist for suggestions on keeping your sperm in tip top shape.  
1. The Magic Number – The magic number is 15 million – sperm per milliliter, that is. Infertility could be the result if the count is much lower than this benchmark.

2. Take a Lap – While a high sperm count is good, a high ‘swimming’ sperm count is also important. In general, about a quarter of the sperm will swim and drive your chances of achieving a pregnancy. For patients that have extremely low sperm count, doctors can often do surgical procedures to obtain sperm that can be used for in vitro fertilization (IVF).

3. Watch the Sauna – Causes of sperm production issues include higher temperatures such as when a man is frequently exposed to hot tubs or saunas, dilated blood vessels around the testicle (called varicocele), abnormal testosterone levels such as when a man takes testosterone injections, environmental factors and certain medications like hair loss medication.

4. New International Study – Sperm counts are dropping. Data presented at ASRM last month by IVI-Reproductive Medicine Associates Global (IVI-RMA Global) found that the proportion of men with normal total motile sperm counts is declining over time.

5. Boxers or Briefs? – Men should feel free to choose whatever underwear fits best without fertility concerns. While it was thought that perhaps briefs increased temperatures of the testicles and might affect sperm production, this is truly an old wives’ tale.

Oh note on boxers. Briefs hold your boys close to your body and keep the skin of your scrotum from stretching. You don’t want to have to throw your testicles over your shoulder as you age.

Best date nights when the weather gets yucky and cold

It’s November. The clocks have gone back and at least in my part of the world it’s gotten cold. -18 with the wind tonight. Halloween is over and Christmas seems like a long way off. For our American friends the holidays are approaching with a list of things to do. The date nights are hard to initiate and get motivated.

The urge to pull the covers over your heads is strong. But relationships need time, energy and enthusiasm. Even (or especially) when it’s hard to do.
I’ve borrowed some of the list from my friends at Elite and have added a few of my own. I have a list of more sexual things you might try

1. Go for a dip in a local hot spring (or hot tub).

2. Hit the ice rink or pond for some adorable couples skating.

3. Go for a stroll (or cruise around in a nice warm car) to look at all holiday lights together.

4. Take a stroll in a nearby state park and pack a thermos of some adult (aka spiked) hot chocolate.

5. Do a winter wonderland photoshoot.

6. Hit the slopes for a snowboarding or sledding adventure.

7. Hike a local nature trail. It’s gorgeous out there, so why not see it together?

8. Fire up a bonfire on the beach or in your backyard and roast some s’mores.

9. Crack open your local parks and rec guide to find local winter events or programs you didn’t even know existed in your town.

10. Book a trip to somewhere with warmer climates. Hawaii sounds amazing right about now.
11. Break out some boardgames or jigsaw puzzles and play over steaming cups of mulled wine.

12. Check out Atlas Obscura and visit some nearby strange and unusual attractions or museums.

13. Or go the total opposite and play tourist at your most popular local attraction.

14. With the weather turning colder, less fortunate folks and our furry friends need even more help than in the warmer months. Pick a cause and volunteer together.

15. Speaking of furry friends, go visit them in the zoo or at the aquarium.

16. Play some indoor sports together like indoor mini golf, going for swim at the local indoor pool, or bowling a few games.

17. Scale an indoor rock climbing wall together.

18. Arcades are making a comeback and oftentimes they even serve drinks, so gather up your quarters and go get your Ms. Pac-Man on.

19. Head to a local brewery to taste all the awesome seasonal beers. Mmmm so pumpkin-y.

20. Test your teamwork skills with an escape room (seriously, these are so fun).

OR HAVE A COZY AND ROMANTIC NIGHT

21. Rent a cabin up in the mountains or by a lake and just try not to have the most romantic weekend.

22. Netflix and chill is for the rest of year, but Netflix and snuggle? That’s my idea of winter fun. Not sure what to watch? Each of you should pick their favorite movie and make it a double feature.

23. Make an amazing dinner together at home. Pick something that makes you feel cozy in the winter and use lots of seasonal veggies.

24. Snuggle up in front of a fire with some spiked hot chocolate or bundle up under a blanket together and watch the sunset with a couple of mugs.

25. Embrace your inner child by building a pillow fort… and then do really adult things inside it.

26. Paint your toes or groom each other. It’s one of the most bonding things you can do together.

27. Put on some fast music and dance.

28. Come to a Ducklings event! Or check us out and duplicate one of our crazy ideas!

29. Develop a hobby together! Beekeeping course, salsa dancing, beginner volleyball, paint nights….

30. SEX! As your sex therapist I’m actively encouraging you to get naked!

How being sexy can make you live longer

I used to talk to my clients about why being more intimate was good fro your relationship. And obviously that it felt good to do. Now I talk about it related to health. In the last two decades all the research suggests that sex does much more than be a fun, free activity. It is remarkably good for you. 

Longevity research has gotten lots of publicity lately with National Geographic funding the “Blue Zone Study” about the places in the world where humans live the longest. The UK has now funded a Ministry of Loneliness after proving that community is one of the main markers for health and long life. Community, sex and having three people you can count on are all markers for living into your ninth decade. 
A Harvard University study done in August 2018 identified five key habits that could potentially add a decade to life expectancy, including eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and drinking only moderately. Find out how adding sensuality to your life can have you living longer. 

You can read the whole article here.

Other suggestions include taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking coffee and a small amount of the locally distilled alcohol, avoid early retirement and don’t act your age.

Finding time to get naked and sexy seems ket. I did an interview this week with Joanne Laucius from Postmedia about sex and older adults.We are still getting it on and finding new ways to connect with sex partners. She raised the question is it the endorphins from sex or is it the fact that we are connecting and being intimate with someone that helped healthy aging? I think it’s both but either way as your friendly, neighborhood Sex Therapist I’m encouraging you to get it on.

There was

A Review of Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, Puerto Morelos, Mexico.


We had a wonderful opportunity to visit Book Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, in Puerto Morelos last week. From the short (25 minute) professionally handled commute (from Cancun airport) to the opening greetings by all the staff of “welcome home” we knew we were in for something special. Pearl is a small hotel but opulent. It has the wow factor. Its goal is to be the most exclusive couples resort in the Caribbean. In that it succeeds, at least in our experience.

The staff are superbly trained to be attentive yet give you the space you wish. Some guests wish to very interactive, some are looking for a holiday of solitude and reconnection. It is a hotel that pledges to encourage you to be whomever you wish to be. From the very sexy and flirty to the simply elegant and private. There are only 88 rooms, with 12 of them being elaborate suites, and the hotel boasts 240 staff. The room are very comfortable, well appointed and large. The grounds are immaculate and eco-sensitive.  There are multiple restaurants serving a variety of meals. The resort has 5-star amenities throughout.

What differentiates Pearl from other resorts is the emphasis on couples. (Singles are not allowed reservations). Pearl attracts a very loyal clientele that wish to be sensuous. Nudity around the pool is common but very relaxed during the daytime. Restaurant dress code at this time of day is simple and casual. In fact, with the very active and engaged animation and bar staff, the resort resembles top end fun destinations throughout the Caribbean from sun up until about 4pm. However, after 4 the focus transfers to more adult interests. The large hot tub comes alive with a laughter filled happy hour (the swim up bar staff are fantastic).  Couples still have quiet space if desired but most are actively engaged in conversation. While there are no clothes to be seen in the hot tub, dress is very elegant for dinner and many couples have complete costumes for the nightly theme dances that include nautical, western, and neon nights.

Dinner is very elegant if you choose the Pearl restaurant. You may also choose a very cozy gastro bar for tapas or a larger common dining room. No matter where you go, the clothing is eye popping. You end up knowing the names of the serving staff as the level of service and interaction is so high. The word we use to describe the staff best is charming. You simply want to get to know them better.

There are some deals to be had if you pick off-season or follow the website and watch for specials. Otherwise the rack rate is very high. This is not a resort for the budget conscious. There are enticing extras such as the spa services. Or you can order special meals including one that is served on the beach where somehow you end up having a sizzling romantic encounter at the end of it – on the beach bed. Use your imagination. In fact, the hotel specializes in creating fantasy encounters. They have a senior staff member dedicated to bringing them to life.  (Kind of like a wedding planner, but just for those fantasies you always wished would happen, but you had no clue where to start).  Everything is done amazingly well, but make sure you are prepared for the bill when you check out.

Desire sells the feeling. The feeling of attention to detail and that you are important. You also feel very safe in the resort. In fact, if you stay on the resort for your entire trip, we don’t have any reservations about saying that safety should not be a concern at all when selecting Pearl as a holiday destination. This area of Mexico is well patrolled and very tourist focused. There is a safe in each room and guards on duty everywhere. If you wander the grounds at night, the only sounds you hear coming from the bushes are small local animals, the most predominant being little raccoons. The resort also sells the feeling of community. Everybody wants to belong to a group and you quickly feel like the other guests are your people.

If you prefer to focus on your partner and just be silly, the Saturday afternoon foam party in the pool is not to be missed. Jello shots are distributed during the swim and it is an opportunity to watch a hundred adults turn into children again. Or you can find a quiet pool side bed and focus on your partner in other ways…..so many choices.

Like any destination, there are downsides. The hot tub can be overwhelming for a first timer just dipping a toe into nudism or lifestyle activities. Expect to be approached by folks who may be fueled by liquid courage and who may not display appropriate decorum. Also expect to see sexual activities front and center.  (On the flip side, if you are trying to decide between Desire Pearl and Desire Riviera Maya, the people we interviewed were unanimous in stating Pearl was the quieter and less aggressive of the two resorts).

We would also recommend sandals with good tread. We found the tile and polished concrete around the pool area to be slippery after heavy rainfalls. The staff works extraordinarily hard in keeping the water off these surfaces but just be aware.

Pearl sells plans of pre-paid nights. We were very surprised with the number of guests who had purchased the plans. To a person, everyone was thrilled. They wanted to be part of something, and generally the story was the same. They had traveled around, tried a bunch of other places and decided Pearl was home. The feeling was if this is where they planned on returning annually (or more often), then it was better to have a discount and some perks. We truly could not find anybody with buyers remorse.

If you are looking for an opportunity to spark up your relationship in a big way, or dip a toe in the world of sensuous and flirty adventures then this is definitely the place. You are immediately surrounded by friends. As the manager told us “Mexico is about people”. Talking with hundreds of guests and staff over a week, at least in this gorgeous slice of the Yucatan, it would be very hard to disagree.

Sue McGarvie & Blaik Spratt

Boudoir shoot! Couples, Men (dude-oir) & women. With makeup, wine, and food.

Sunday, Nov 4th from 11 am to 6 pm. Choose a time that works! Food, wine, professional makeup (for those without testicles) , amazing photographs, lingerie, party atmosphere (but private photo time) and a chance to find your sexy selves! It’s part of the body image series.

Boudoir Photography and party with champagne, great food, friends, chocolate and sexy pictures!

We love doing boudoir. It’s becomes magical. Women feeling beautiful, empowered and the guys are happy to have something erotic and personal. Anyone who has done them raves about them. We get top, professional makeup application and the amazing Duckling photographer Brian Kiloran and (and his lovely wife G). By turning it into a party (with economies of scale) we can do the event for $150 per person or couple. So you can have together and alone for the same price. What a deal! We’ve had a number of photographers over the years but Brian’s pictures really stand out.Read the testimonials

Look back on yourself when you are 80 and see how hot you really were! Do it for yourself, to torment the guys who might possibly see them with your beauty or give it as a for-his-eyes-only gift. Sexy couple photos are also welcome if you would prefer to do them together.

Mimosa’s, (champagne and orange juice) chocolate, and the sexiest photos you can imagine! It’s safe, discreet, private, and super fun! Women or couples, it’s sensuous (but safe), erotic and fun. Participants can wear whatever they would like (bring it with you) and you have time for one change of outfits. You have a private area for photo’s and it’s all relaxed and discreet. Professional makeup artist will be there to transform you. You need to have your own hair done when you arrive. It all happens on Sunday, Nov 4th (and everyone is in town for the Halloween party) at 81 Pooler Ave.
So pictures, food, and community!

Bring something yummy to share and I’ll make up pitchers of our trademarked sangria and mimosa’s. We have limited room for photos so it is a first come first serve. Cost is $150 (either alone or together) which includes makeup, photo shoot, and two photographs. You may purchase the library of other shots (the ones where you aren’t blinking) directly from the photographer. They have different packages or just stick with the few amazing ones you are guaranteed. Given that there are upfront expenses, you need to pay in advance here, or commit to paying in cash and NOT BAILING! Given that we have to pay to the photographer and makeup, we need 10 days notice to cancel once you commit or you will be billed for missing the event.

Buy now!





The 21-word, 5 stage apology that will simplify your life.

Someone recently asked me what the best qualities were to look for in a potential partner. How do you know that when the chemistry wanes (9 to 15 months after you first hook up), that this person is worth the time to invest in a potential relationship? What should you really look for in a person you want to spend your intimate life with?
When you read some of the women’s magazines there is often a check list ranging from being a good provider to owning a toolbelt. For the men I speak to in my therapy sessions, most are “looking for a kind, friendly, sane woman who likes sex, and isn’t boring.”

When I ask groups at large about the best qualities I get responses like; “being great in bed, having an amazing body, Intelligent conversation, sense of humour, drive to achieve things, or great hygiene”. Although those things are important, (sometimes very important), I think self-awareness and a willingness to shift is the number one quality for a potential partner to have.

What I mean by self-awareness is the emotional faculty to see where you are wrong and do something about it. What I do know about relationships after 25 years as a shrink is that if you don’t own your share of a problem and sweep things under the rug you are destined to keep making the same mistake repeatedly.

Everyone screws up. It’s taking responsibility for your behavior and owning your share that gives you the ability to weather life’s challenges as a couple. An unqualified apology and a real desire to fix things is what I try and help clients understand during therapy. Things change. And life is sometimes hard. Being able to reflect and manage your mood is what makes us grown-ups.

The challenge comes if your reality doesn’t see your behavior as out of line. That takes some reflection, someone to bounce things off, and understanding patterns in your previous relationships. If it happened once it could be a personality conflict, if it happens more than once look at who is the common denominator.
It’s easy to wish problems away. It’s harder to know that sometimes your responses aren’t getting you the results that you are looking for.

One of the main tools I suggest using in therapy is an unqualified 5 stage apology. If you get a real, genuine apology and not a deflection then the other person has two choices as to how to respond. To forgive you or to throw you under the bus. A five-stage apology looks like this.

1. Clear regret
2. Understanding how your actions has hurt the other person
3. Making a plan so that it won’t happen again
4. Offering restitution
5. Saying the words.

It’s hard to remember all of that. My brilliant husband teaches how muscle memory practice helps you respond rather than react when you are trying to remember something important. I’ve got the 5 stage apology down to 21 simple words.

Here it is:
I’m sorry. I was wrong. (or moron, idiot, dick etc.) I know I hurt you. It won’t happen again. What can I do to fix this?

It allows you to move forward and come up with a solution. It gives you a starting point to fix ongoing issues. It doesn’t change personality issues or have people become something they are not. But it does allow you to move on core issues in relationships. And that’s worth apologizing for.

20 things women can do to increase your chance of having an orgasm!

I did a talk recently to over 600 women physicians at a National Women in Medicine Conference. What came out of it was the need for more information about female orgasm and how to treat it. Yes we are stuck on issues of low libido, but an inability to achieve orgasm can impact up to 34% of the population.

I was asked for a list of suggestions on how to finally “get there”. They can run from less to more intrusive but they are a good list to work from if you are troubleshooting lack of orgasm. Before it even starts make sure you are clean, voided and relaxed.

1. Clit piercing. Really. I have one and they especially help women with too much skin over the hood of their clitoris. Research a great Peircer but they are not as out there as you might think.
2.Scream cream. Read the link and the prescription on how to use this magic cream to increase blood flow to the genitals.
3. Fantasy, porn or erotica. I have a number of women who can’t climax unless they can have a story in their heads. Many women are ashamed of what they are imagining and they shut it down. You can think of anything in your creative imagination that gets you off. Remember it’s just a thought so stop editing yourself.
4. vaginal kung fu. Really. It involves jade eggs of other vaginal strengthening devices. Read more.
5. Scent. You may think aromatherapy sounds like hocus pocus but many women seriously react to scent. Great oral hygiene, and partners that smell good make us weak in the knees.
6.Ground up Valium or muscle relaxant in lube. It can loosen the muscles of the vaginal walls and make penetration more comfortable. It also allows more blood flow to the nerve endings of the clitoris. I am also hearing great things about the CBD oil for internal relaxation as well.
7.Dry humping. Yup, re-live those High School days. For loads of women they need less intense stimulation and through their clothes actually works.
8. Clench your ab muscles like climbing a rope in gym class. Something about tightening those abdominal muscles seems to really help.
9. Anal. I know more than a few women who need a butt plug, finger, or something vibrating in their ass in order to reach orgasm. Give it a try.
10. Increase your oxytocin levels. The best and easiest way to do this is to have lots of nipple stimulation.
11. And speaking of hormones that might be a problem. Speak to your doctor about getting tested. You physician can prescribe oxytocin, testosterone, DHEA, progesterone or estrogen (the sex hormones) in the right dosage for you and finally get you over the hump.
12. Focus on 10 and 2 O’Clock. Touching those spots on the sides of the clit offers most women the best kind of orgasm-inducing stimulation.
13. Give yourself a deadline. Sometimes the thought of sex going on forever can feel daunting. And some women simply need a target to try and achieve. Set the tier on your phone and see what happens.
14. Make sure your feet are warm. The study from North Carolina said that cold feet can decrease a woman’s ability to reach orgasm.
15. Lose the high heels and work on your posture. Sometimes it can be as simple as a tweaked back nerve.
16. Stimulate the left side of the spine. It helps trigger the orgasm reflex. I know a woman who can climax from having the top part of her ass on the left side bitten.
17. Try a hot wash cloth on the vulva before sex can help dilate the blood vessels.
18. Rate the pleasure and trick your brain. It helps get your head out of your grocery list and sneak up on their orgasm.
19. Find the most sensitive part of their body and spend loads of time on it. Gentle touch on the outside in and go very, very gently. There is a great article in Tim Ferris’s 4 Hour Body book about the benefits of feather soft touch.
20. Try some of the new toys. I’m a big fan of the Zumio, the Intensity, the Magic Wand, and the We Vibe.

Non-Monogamy four week workshop starting July 30th, 2018

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
We have a new non-monogamy course starting later this month. It’s like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.

The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. And there is no one-size fits all.

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.

And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us for a small group starting a few weeks from now. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up. It is great if you can join us in person but easy of you need to video in.

Monday July 30, Monday Aug 13th, Monday Aug 20th, Monday Aug 27th 7-9(ish) pm
81 Pooler Ave. Very limited enrollment. $400/couple, $200 individual.

1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.

2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers

3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.

4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.

An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.

Sign up single $200





Couple sign up $400





Why you should try Sex Therapy. And how to pick the right Therapist for you.

I had been asked recently to help find a sex therapist for a couple in another city. It was surprisingly difficult. I’m a sex therapist with lots of colleagues I’ve met over the 25 tears I’ve been in practice and I had trouble finding a counselor who “got it” and was currently taking on new clients. I do Skype and phone therapy all over the world but often clients prefer to see someone face to face. It prompted me to post some suggestions on how you might find a great sex therapist near you.
Positive sex therapy is at the very least effective, warm and offers clear goals on what successful treatment might look like.

Great sex therapy (in my opinion), is less than 10 visits, goal and solution oriented, connected, safe, and encourages you to look at new answers to long-standing problems. Good sex therapy is not lying on a couch talking about your Mother (unless it’s really relevant). It’s having a therapist help you understand the physical, emotional, psychological, relationship, or habit forming challenges that has led to a disconnect between the sheets.

It’s about talking with grace, kindness, warmth and a sense of humour.
The most common reasons people see me for sex therapy:

Dissatisfaction with level of sexual desire. Low libido is the #1 issue.
No longer attracted to partner
Desire to explore the lifestyle, poly, or non-monogamy
Sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and difficulty reaching orgasm
Mismatch in sexual desire between partners
Questioning sexuality and/or gender identity
Processing sexual assault, trauma, or unwanted sexual touch
Chronic pain that inhibits sex or when sex is painful
Getting back into the groove sexually, or spicing up your intimate life.

The research about success for any kind of therapy breaks down like this.
30% of the success in therapy is simply making the decision to do something about it.
20% is the therapeutic fit. Do you like the therapist’s style and do they hear you?
40% is the therapist’s skill, insight, tools, techniques, and theory that they use to treat you.
10% is a combination of shifts, number of sessions and other nebulous reasons that people want to change.

If you are looking for a therapist there may be some questions that can help.

What is your approach to solving my problem? Can you give me some examples of how you have treated it in the past?
What do you think is a good therapeutic goal?
How many sessions (approx) will it take to treat my issue?
Would you be able to suggest any resources that would give me more info on [my concern]? A therapist who has experience and knowledge in a certain topic should be familiar with and able to provide homework quickly. If they don’t, they aren’t knowledgeable about your area of challenges.

If you are not in the Nation’s Capital and are open to a skype or phone session I would be delighted to take you on as a client. Book an appointment here.