How being sexy can make you live longer

I used to talk to my clients about why being more intimate was good fro your relationship. And obviously that it felt good to do. Now I talk about it related to health. In the last two decades all the research suggests that sex does much more than be a fun, free activity. It is remarkably good for you. 

Longevity research has gotten lots of publicity lately with National Geographic funding the “Blue Zone Study” about the places in the world where humans live the longest. The UK has now funded a Ministry of Loneliness after proving that community is one of the main markers for health and long life. Community, sex and having three people you can count on are all markers for living into your ninth decade. 
A Harvard University study done in August 2018 identified five key habits that could potentially add a decade to life expectancy, including eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and drinking only moderately. Find out how adding sensuality to your life can have you living longer. 

You can read the whole article here.

Other suggestions include taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking coffee and a small amount of the locally distilled alcohol, avoid early retirement and don’t act your age.

Finding time to get naked and sexy seems ket. I did an interview this week with Joanne Laucius from Postmedia about sex and older adults.We are still getting it on and finding new ways to connect with sex partners. She raised the question is it the endorphins from sex or is it the fact that we are connecting and being intimate with someone that helped healthy aging? I think it’s both but either way as your friendly, neighborhood Sex Therapist I’m encouraging you to get it on.

There was

A Review of Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, Puerto Morelos, Mexico.

We had a wonderful opportunity to visit Book Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, in Puerto Morelos last week. From the short (25 minute) professionally handled commute (from Cancun airport) to the opening greetings by all the staff of “welcome home” we knew we were in for something special. Pearl is a small hotel but opulent. It has the wow factor. Its goal is to be the most exclusive couples resort in the Caribbean. In that it succeeds, at least in our experience.

The staff are superbly trained to be attentive yet give you the space you wish. Some guests wish to very interactive, some are looking for a holiday of solitude and reconnection. It is a hotel that pledges to encourage you to be whomever you wish to be. From the very sexy and flirty to the simply elegant and private. There are only 88 rooms, with 12 of them being elaborate suites, and the hotel boasts 240 staff. The room are very comfortable, well appointed and large. The grounds are immaculate and eco-sensitive.  There are multiple restaurants serving a variety of meals. The resort has 5-star amenities throughout.

What differentiates Pearl from other resorts is the emphasis on couples. (Singles are not allowed reservations). Pearl attracts a very loyal clientele that wish to be sensuous. Nudity around the pool is common but very relaxed during the daytime. Restaurant dress code at this time of day is simple and casual. In fact, with the very active and engaged animation and bar staff, the resort resembles top end fun destinations throughout the Caribbean from sun up until about 4pm. However, after 4 the focus transfers to more adult interests. The large hot tub comes alive with a laughter filled happy hour (the swim up bar staff are fantastic).  Couples still have quiet space if desired but most are actively engaged in conversation. While there are no clothes to be seen in the hot tub, dress is very elegant for dinner and many couples have complete costumes for the nightly theme dances that include nautical, western, and neon nights.

Dinner is very elegant if you choose the Pearl restaurant. You may also choose a very cozy gastro bar for tapas or a larger common dining room. No matter where you go, the clothing is eye popping. You end up knowing the names of the serving staff as the level of service and interaction is so high. The word we use to describe the staff best is charming. You simply want to get to know them better.

There are some deals to be had if you pick off-season or follow the website and watch for specials. Otherwise the rack rate is very high. This is not a resort for the budget conscious. There are enticing extras such as the spa services. Or you can order special meals including one that is served on the beach where somehow you end up having a sizzling romantic encounter at the end of it – on the beach bed. Use your imagination. In fact, the hotel specializes in creating fantasy encounters. They have a senior staff member dedicated to bringing them to life.  (Kind of like a wedding planner, but just for those fantasies you always wished would happen, but you had no clue where to start).  Everything is done amazingly well, but make sure you are prepared for the bill when you check out.

Desire sells the feeling. The feeling of attention to detail and that you are important. You also feel very safe in the resort. In fact, if you stay on the resort for your entire trip, we don’t have any reservations about saying that safety should not be a concern at all when selecting Pearl as a holiday destination. This area of Mexico is well patrolled and very tourist focused. There is a safe in each room and guards on duty everywhere. If you wander the grounds at night, the only sounds you hear coming from the bushes are small local animals, the most predominant being little raccoons. The resort also sells the feeling of community. Everybody wants to belong to a group and you quickly feel like the other guests are your people.

If you prefer to focus on your partner and just be silly, the Saturday afternoon foam party in the pool is not to be missed. Jello shots are distributed during the swim and it is an opportunity to watch a hundred adults turn into children again. Or you can find a quiet pool side bed and focus on your partner in other ways… many choices.

Like any destination, there are downsides. The hot tub can be overwhelming for a first timer just dipping a toe into nudism or lifestyle activities. Expect to be approached by folks who may be fueled by liquid courage and who may not display appropriate decorum. Also expect to see sexual activities front and center.  (On the flip side, if you are trying to decide between Desire Pearl and Desire Riviera Maya, the people we interviewed were unanimous in stating Pearl was the quieter and less aggressive of the two resorts).

We would also recommend sandals with good tread. We found the tile and polished concrete around the pool area to be slippery after heavy rainfalls. The staff works extraordinarily hard in keeping the water off these surfaces but just be aware.

Pearl sells plans of pre-paid nights. We were very surprised with the number of guests who had purchased the plans. To a person, everyone was thrilled. They wanted to be part of something, and generally the story was the same. They had traveled around, tried a bunch of other places and decided Pearl was home. The feeling was if this is where they planned on returning annually (or more often), then it was better to have a discount and some perks. We truly could not find anybody with buyers remorse.

If you are looking for an opportunity to spark up your relationship in a big way, or dip a toe in the world of sensuous and flirty adventures then this is definitely the place. You are immediately surrounded by friends. As the manager told us “Mexico is about people”. Talking with hundreds of guests and staff over a week, at least in this gorgeous slice of the Yucatan, it would be very hard to disagree.

Sue McGarvie & Blaik Spratt

Boudoir shoot! Couples, Men (dude-oir) & women. With makeup, wine, and food.

Sunday, Nov 4th from 11 am to 6 pm. Choose a time that works! Food, wine, professional makeup (for those without testicles) , amazing photographs, lingerie, party atmosphere (but private photo time) and a chance to find your sexy selves! It’s part of the body image series.

Boudoir Photography and party with champagne, great food, friends, chocolate and sexy pictures!

We love doing boudoir. It’s becomes magical. Women feeling beautiful, empowered and the guys are happy to have something erotic and personal. Anyone who has done them raves about them. We get top, professional makeup application and the amazing Duckling photographer Brian Kiloran and (and his lovely wife G). By turning it into a party (with economies of scale) we can do the event for $150 per person or couple. So you can have together and alone for the same price. What a deal! We’ve had a number of photographers over the years but Brian’s pictures really stand out.Read the testimonials

Look back on yourself when you are 80 and see how hot you really were! Do it for yourself, to torment the guys who might possibly see them with your beauty or give it as a for-his-eyes-only gift. Sexy couple photos are also welcome if you would prefer to do them together.

Mimosa’s, (champagne and orange juice) chocolate, and the sexiest photos you can imagine! It’s safe, discreet, private, and super fun! Women or couples, it’s sensuous (but safe), erotic and fun. Participants can wear whatever they would like (bring it with you) and you have time for one change of outfits. You have a private area for photo’s and it’s all relaxed and discreet. Professional makeup artist will be there to transform you. You need to have your own hair done when you arrive. It all happens on Sunday, Nov 4th (and everyone is in town for the Halloween party) at 81 Pooler Ave.
So pictures, food, and community!

Bring something yummy to share and I’ll make up pitchers of our trademarked sangria and mimosa’s. We have limited room for photos so it is a first come first serve. Cost is $150 (either alone or together) which includes makeup, photo shoot, and two photographs. You may purchase the library of other shots (the ones where you aren’t blinking) directly from the photographer. They have different packages or just stick with the few amazing ones you are guaranteed. Given that there are upfront expenses, you need to pay in advance here, or commit to paying in cash and NOT BAILING! Given that we have to pay to the photographer and makeup, we need 10 days notice to cancel once you commit or you will be billed for missing the event.

Buy now!

The 21-word, 5 stage apology that will simplify your life.

Someone recently asked me what the best qualities were to look for in a potential partner. How do you know that when the chemistry wanes (9 to 15 months after you first hook up), that this person is worth the time to invest in a potential relationship? What should you really look for in a person you want to spend your intimate life with?
When you read some of the women’s magazines there is often a check list ranging from being a good provider to owning a toolbelt. For the men I speak to in my therapy sessions, most are “looking for a kind, friendly, sane woman who likes sex, and isn’t boring.”

When I ask groups at large about the best qualities I get responses like; “being great in bed, having an amazing body, Intelligent conversation, sense of humour, drive to achieve things, or great hygiene”. Although those things are important, (sometimes very important), I think self-awareness and a willingness to shift is the number one quality for a potential partner to have.

What I mean by self-awareness is the emotional faculty to see where you are wrong and do something about it. What I do know about relationships after 25 years as a shrink is that if you don’t own your share of a problem and sweep things under the rug you are destined to keep making the same mistake repeatedly.

Everyone screws up. It’s taking responsibility for your behavior and owning your share that gives you the ability to weather life’s challenges as a couple. An unqualified apology and a real desire to fix things is what I try and help clients understand during therapy. Things change. And life is sometimes hard. Being able to reflect and manage your mood is what makes us grown-ups.

The challenge comes if your reality doesn’t see your behavior as out of line. That takes some reflection, someone to bounce things off, and understanding patterns in your previous relationships. If it happened once it could be a personality conflict, if it happens more than once look at who is the common denominator.
It’s easy to wish problems away. It’s harder to know that sometimes your responses aren’t getting you the results that you are looking for.

One of the main tools I suggest using in therapy is an unqualified 5 stage apology. If you get a real, genuine apology and not a deflection then the other person has two choices as to how to respond. To forgive you or to throw you under the bus. A five-stage apology looks like this.

1. Clear regret
2. Understanding how your actions has hurt the other person
3. Making a plan so that it won’t happen again
4. Offering restitution
5. Saying the words.

It’s hard to remember all of that. My brilliant husband teaches how muscle memory practice helps you respond rather than react when you are trying to remember something important. I’ve got the 5 stage apology down to 21 simple words.

Here it is:
I’m sorry. I was wrong. (or moron, idiot, dick etc.) I know I hurt you. It won’t happen again. What can I do to fix this?

It allows you to move forward and come up with a solution. It gives you a starting point to fix ongoing issues. It doesn’t change personality issues or have people become something they are not. But it does allow you to move on core issues in relationships. And that’s worth apologizing for.

20 things women can do to increase your chance of having an orgasm!

I did a talk recently to over 600 women physicians at a National Women in Medicine Conference. What came out of it was the need for more information about female orgasm and how to treat it. Yes we are stuck on issues of low libido, but an inability to achieve orgasm can impact up to 34% of the population.

I was asked for a list of suggestions on how to finally “get there”. They can run from less to more intrusive but they are a good list to work from if you are troubleshooting lack of orgasm. Before it even starts make sure you are clean, voided and relaxed.

1. Clit piercing. Really. I have one and they especially help women with too much skin over the hood of their clitoris. Research a great Peircer but they are not as out there as you might think.
2.Scream cream. Read the link and the prescription on how to use this magic cream to increase blood flow to the genitals.
3. Fantasy, porn or erotica. I have a number of women who can’t climax unless they can have a story in their heads. Many women are ashamed of what they are imagining and they shut it down. You can think of anything in your creative imagination that gets you off. Remember it’s just a thought so stop editing yourself.
4. vaginal kung fu. Really. It involves jade eggs of other vaginal strengthening devices. Read more.
5. Scent. You may think aromatherapy sounds like hocus pocus but many women seriously react to scent. Great oral hygiene, and partners that smell good make us weak in the knees.
6.Ground up Valium or muscle relaxant in lube. It can loosen the muscles of the vaginal walls and make penetration more comfortable. It also allows more blood flow to the nerve endings of the clitoris. I am also hearing great things about the CBD oil for internal relaxation as well.
7.Dry humping. Yup, re-live those High School days. For loads of women they need less intense stimulation and through their clothes actually works.
8. Clench your ab muscles like climbing a rope in gym class. Something about tightening those abdominal muscles seems to really help.
9. Anal. I know more than a few women who need a butt plug, finger, or something vibrating in their ass in order to reach orgasm. Give it a try.
10. Increase your oxytocin levels. The best and easiest way to do this is to have lots of nipple stimulation.
11. And speaking of hormones that might be a problem. Speak to your doctor about getting tested. You physician can prescribe oxytocin, testosterone, DHEA, progesterone or estrogen (the sex hormones) in the right dosage for you and finally get you over the hump.
12. Focus on 10 and 2 O’Clock. Touching those spots on the sides of the clit offers most women the best kind of orgasm-inducing stimulation.
13. Give yourself a deadline. Sometimes the thought of sex going on forever can feel daunting. And some women simply need a target to try and achieve. Set the tier on your phone and see what happens.
14. Make sure your feet are warm. The study from North Carolina said that cold feet can decrease a woman’s ability to reach orgasm.
15. Lose the high heels and work on your posture. Sometimes it can be as simple as a tweaked back nerve.
16. Stimulate the left side of the spine. It helps trigger the orgasm reflex. I know a woman who can climax from having the top part of her ass on the left side bitten.
17. Try a hot wash cloth on the vulva before sex can help dilate the blood vessels.
18. Rate the pleasure and trick your brain. It helps get your head out of your grocery list and sneak up on their orgasm.
19. Find the most sensitive part of their body and spend loads of time on it. Gentle touch on the outside in and go very, very gently. There is a great article in Tim Ferris’s 4 Hour Body book about the benefits of feather soft touch.
20. Try some of the new toys. I’m a big fan of the Zumio, the Intensity, the Magic Wand, and the We Vibe.

Non-Monogamy four week workshop starting July 30th, 2018

You can read definitions online of what swinging, or polyamory might be outlined as. But what do they really mean?
We have a new non-monogamy course starting later this month. It’s like being in the best class you have ever attended where everyone has read the book and participated. Read below for details.

The non-monogamous clients tend to be couples in long-term relationships who don’t want to split up but are desperate for more or different sexual experiences and partners. And there is no one-size fits all.

Examples of non-monogamy can be:
~Living with a third (or triad) and how do you deal with that?
~Two couples connecting with each other (quad)
~Heterosexual couple Bringing in an extra male (hot wife)
~Swing clubs where everything from gentle touching on the dance floor to full blown orgies (and everything in between) happens
~Polyamorous. Means to love more than one person. But can be someone who is married and has a girlfriend/boyfriend or more.
~Alternative relationships in all kinds of ways. Asexual while one partner has other sexual interactions, monogamous but in different cities.
~One relationship two dwellings. Or having their own dedicated space within a dwelling.
~Friend with benefits for an occasional hook up
~periodic hall passes.
~Group family or commune.

And so many more examples.
Trying to navigate it is hard. Consider joining us for a small group starting a few weeks from now. It’s the tool kit for managing non-monogamy without blowing your relationship up. It is great if you can join us in person but easy of you need to video in.

Monday July 30, Monday Aug 13th, Monday Aug 20th, Monday Aug 27th 7-9(ish) pm
81 Pooler Ave. Very limited enrollment. $400/couple, $200 individual.

1. Intros, purpose of workshop, specific models of non-monogamy, ways of finding one’s own voice.

2. Specifics of sharing, Jealousy (Swing, poly and other non-monogamous forms). Rules, what works, contracts etc. Non-Monogamy checklist. What is the wish lists and deal breakers

3. What do you need/want. How do you negotiate that? How do you ask for it and how do you find it? Sharing and tools for understanding boundaries.

4. Group discussion about finding potential partners. A chance to practice skills and role play in a safe way. Stories about successful (and not-so-successful) models of play.

An informal social has happened in the past with the group and will be organized later following the completion of the workshop.

Sign up single $200

Couple sign up $400

Why you should try Sex Therapy. And how to pick the right Therapist for you.

I had been asked recently to help find a sex therapist for a couple in another city. It was surprisingly difficult. I’m a sex therapist with lots of colleagues I’ve met over the 25 tears I’ve been in practice and I had trouble finding a counselor who “got it” and was currently taking on new clients. I do Skype and phone therapy all over the world but often clients prefer to see someone face to face. It prompted me to post some suggestions on how you might find a great sex therapist near you.
Positive sex therapy is at the very least effective, warm and offers clear goals on what successful treatment might look like.

Great sex therapy (in my opinion), is less than 10 visits, goal and solution oriented, connected, safe, and encourages you to look at new answers to long-standing problems. Good sex therapy is not lying on a couch talking about your Mother (unless it’s really relevant). It’s having a therapist help you understand the physical, emotional, psychological, relationship, or habit forming challenges that has led to a disconnect between the sheets.

It’s about talking with grace, kindness, warmth and a sense of humour.
The most common reasons people see me for sex therapy:

Dissatisfaction with level of sexual desire. Low libido is the #1 issue.
No longer attracted to partner
Desire to explore the lifestyle, poly, or non-monogamy
Sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and difficulty reaching orgasm
Mismatch in sexual desire between partners
Questioning sexuality and/or gender identity
Processing sexual assault, trauma, or unwanted sexual touch
Chronic pain that inhibits sex or when sex is painful
Getting back into the groove sexually, or spicing up your intimate life.

The research about success for any kind of therapy breaks down like this.
30% of the success in therapy is simply making the decision to do something about it.
20% is the therapeutic fit. Do you like the therapist’s style and do they hear you?
40% is the therapist’s skill, insight, tools, techniques, and theory that they use to treat you.
10% is a combination of shifts, number of sessions and other nebulous reasons that people want to change.

If you are looking for a therapist there may be some questions that can help.

What is your approach to solving my problem? Can you give me some examples of how you have treated it in the past?
What do you think is a good therapeutic goal?
How many sessions (approx) will it take to treat my issue?
Would you be able to suggest any resources that would give me more info on [my concern]? A therapist who has experience and knowledge in a certain topic should be familiar with and able to provide homework quickly. If they don’t, they aren’t knowledgeable about your area of challenges.

If you are not in the Nation’s Capital and are open to a skype or phone session I would be delighted to take you on as a client. Book an appointment here.

It’s another reason to eat oysters…. Seafood-rich diet may help couples get pregnant faster

The sex mineral for men that helps improve erection and sexual functioning is zinc. Zinc for your dink. Oysters and other seafoods are loaded with it. Magnesium is the sex mineral for women. Seafood is a great source of that as well. Now a new study out of Washington says that “seafood consumption improved sexual activity frequency, reduced time to conception”.

So if you are trying to get knocked up the fishmonger may help.

“Couples who eat more seafood tend to have sexual intercourse more often and get pregnant faster than other couples trying to conceive, according to a new study published in the Endocrine Society’s Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism.

Seafood is an important source of protein and other nutrients for women who are or may become pregnant, but concerns about mercury have led some women to avoid fish when trying to conceive. According to the Food and Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, 90 percent of the fish eaten in the United States is low in mercury and safe to eat. Although the agencies recommend two to three servings of lower-mercury fish per week, 50 percent of pregnant women still eat far less than the recommended amount.

“Our study suggests seafood can have many reproductive benefits, including shorter time to pregnancy and more frequent sexual activity,” said one of the study’s authors, Audrey Gaskins, Sc.D., of Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston, Mass. “Our study found that couples who consume more than two servings of seafood per week while trying to get pregnant, had a significantly higher frequency of sexual intercourse and shorter time to pregnancy.”

In the prospective cohort study, researchers from Harvard followed 500 Michigan and Texas couples from the Longitudinal Investigation of Fertility and the Environment (LIFE) Study for one year to determine the relationship between seafood intake and time to pregnancy. Participants recorded their seafood intake and sexual activity in daily journals.

The researchers found that 92 percent of couples who ate seafood more than twice a week were pregnant at the end of one year, compared to 79 percent among couples consuming less seafood. The association between seafood and faster time to pregnancy was not completely explained by more frequent sexual activity, suggesting other biological factors were at play. These could include effects on semen quality, ovulation or embryo quality, Gaskins said.

“Our results stress the importance of not only female, but also male diet on time to pregnancy and suggests that both partners should be incorporating more seafood into their diets for the maximum fertility benefit,” she said.”

10 things that men might not know about their penises. Despite owning one.

It’s amazing to women how obsessed men can be about their genitals. Women have our share of body image issues but rarely is the obsession focused on our girl bits. As a Sex Therapist I have men in my office every day worried about being hard enough, big enough, lasting long enough, and being skilled enough. The worry about genital normalcy can be all consuming for some guys despite all the things they have going for them. For most men there is lots of pressure to perform. You must get hard, stay hard, initiate, have some game, understand a partner’s needs, don’t come too quickly and understand sexual etiquette. And despite playing with their penis for decades most men aren’t aware of things their penis can do.
I wanted to share some things that you may not know that your penis is capable of in a series of “genitally focused blogs”. I love my job.

1. You can “break your penis”. While the penis has no bone, it does have tissues that can be damaged by rigorous sex. Be carefully about “slamming it home” when it isn’t fully hard. Peyronies is a medical condition where the penis has been injured and scar tissue on one side or another pulls the erection in such a way that you get a bend to one side or another can also happen with a penile injury. Wear your jock strap playing sports.

2. You can change the taste of your sperm. Partners who give oral sex on men are aware of this but fruit an hour before sexual activity can help make a partner much more orally inclined. Dig up the strawberries.

3. Everyone worries about being inadequate. Sexual anxiety is the most common thing I see with men. It can manifest as trouble with erections, but the most common issue is ejaculation challenges. Either too fast or premature or difficulty or delayed ejaculation. Ejaculation is something you can do mindfully (like breathing), but when you are anxious ejaculation can be triggered by the automatic reflex system and be over before it’s started. Breathing, keegals, and gelking can all help last longer. Gelking is the technique where you masturbate and don’t let yourself climax. By staying on the edge you can learn where the point of no return actually is. Read more about it here.

4. Viagra and Cialis are not just for old men. If I was a guy over 30….and if the stress level is through the roof I would be taking boner pills. 1/10th of a pill is often enough to prevent the loss of an erection so cut them in quarters and diminish any possible headaches or other side effects. A new partner, new situation, overall stress or lack of privacy all influences erectile abilities. And it’s normal.

5. Masturbation is like food and water. Everyone needs both. I firmly believe this and have long espoused that “if you can’t play with your own equipment, you shouldn’t play with someone else’s.” Get better at playing with your penis by masturbating in a variety of ways and by learning to delay ejaculation.

6. Your penis has no brain. It is a creature of habit. Interrupting the process of automatic responses by using warm oils, cooling gels, different textures and experiences cause a delay or increased intensity in ejaculation.

7. It’s okay to say no to sex if you are tired, or it’s moving too fast. Talk to your doctor about adding testosterone if you have lost the loving feeling. 20% of men over 35 have lost (or are rapidly losing) their sexual desire. Low libido is the most common thing I treat in my practice. And 20% of the clients I see are men. I see men every week struggling to find the interest to engage with their partners sexually.

8. Smoking shrinks your penis by 1cm, and chronic weed smoking can impact your erections. Everything in moderation. Especially things under grow lamps.

9. Your penis also is made up of muscle. I have seen many clients who have gone on extreme diets and have had penile muscle atrophy. Losing weight is great for your sex life. Crazy diets cause ED and should be one of the disclaimers they make you sign when you start living on 500 calories a day.

10. 94% of men have measured their dicks. They typically range from 4-6 inches erect and only under 2 inches can you call yours a micro penis. Or as one of my clients calls his genital “a bee with testicles”. There are things I can help with for penis size. Have a look at my download here.

A Sex with Sue, Female-only event for Breast Cancer. Orgasms in O Town! June 19, 2018

Details about the Orgasm Night in O Town! A fundraiser for breast cancer.

Grab your girlfriends and come out, find your sexy self and talk orgasms!

Hosted by Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist. We will dish out and sample all the new things that can bring you to orgasm. Sue will have the latest tips, techniques and suggestions. Lorrie the chair of our Orlando Ducklings is surviving from breast cancer surgery she has had in 2018. It’s a cause near to our hearts. In fact, right over our hearts.

The evening includes:
-a presentation by Dr. Belanger at Innovo Medical about the Orgasm Enhancing shot and the vaginal tightening laser. How to turn your orgasms up to 11!

-Details about the Zumio- The amazing new toy designed by women and based in Ottawa.

-Corset fittings from the Stag Shop. Find a corset that actually fits! What a concept.

-Make up samples and goodie bags

-Wine, chocolate and strawberries

-The new Vaginal Kung Fu with Tantra Instructor Kerry Lundy

Proceeds to Breast Cancer Foundation

Tuesday June 19 from 6:30 to 8:30
Innovo Medical
1328 Labrie Ave (Off Cyrville Road) Ottawa
Details at or at Innovo Medical (613) 749-4668
Cost is $10 at the door. Everyone is welcome.

The 5-step process to achieve female orgasm

For the over 15% of women who rarely achieve orgasm, sex can be a huge source of frustration.
Inability to achieve orgasm is the second most common female sexual dysfunction that Sex Therapists see clinically in their offices trailing only libido issues.1 With pat answers like “increasing the romance”, “lighting a candle” or ‘trying a new sex position for intercourse” women who can’t climax have been offered inane suggestions that haven’t resulted in sexual satisfaction. Women on the inorgasmia blogs describe feeling “shut down and confused”, or “ashamed that they don’t work properly sexually”. What women have been looking for are clear solutions in reaching climax.
There are a few new products that when coupled with current research suggestions offer up a step by step process for achieving orgasm. While there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to orgasm achievement, these suggestions sure help increase the odds. Here are five steps that women might try.

1. Women need to give themselves permission to achieve orgasm in whatever way their body needs to climax. It helps dramatically if women let go worries about what they look like, what they fantasize about or whether they are being sexual the right or wrong way. Editing your sexual thoughts go a long way to shutting down a sexual response. Women have a right to pleasure. Many women believe that the only right orgasm is one that is achieved through vaginal intercourse.
“Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship. This statistic comes not from just one study, but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her fascinating book The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press).”2

2. Adding a clitoral dilating cream (such as the Scream Cream with Sildenafil. See below for prescription) to the clitoris and labia 40 minutes before stimulation will help dilate the blood vessels in the entire genital region. It is blood flowing against nerve endings that help trigger orgasm.

3. Find something erotic. Again, there is no one size fits all but more women find story based movies or erotic literature arousing. Whatever individually appeals don’t edit it (50 Shades of Grey sold millions of copies) and allow yourself the time to become really turned on.

4. Start physically with 10 to 15 minutes of nipple stimulation. Dr. Prudence Hall of California says in her book Radiant Again and Forever that 10 minutes or more of nipple stimulation produces enough oxytocin for most women to become aroused enough to desire sex and increases the ability for most women to achieve orgasm.

5. Get a Zumio. The new Zumio is an award-winning toy and medical device that targets stimulation with pin-point accuracy. Some of the reviews about it include
“Different and more intense than anything else.”
“Wow, it sure lets me hit the right spots.”
“Mind-blowing! An orgasm in less than a minute and three in under ten!”
By understanding that each spot on your entire labia, clitoris and vaginal opening has different nerve endings, the Zumio toy can be used to target different areas. The Zumio offers both a circling motion along with vibration to help enhance blood flow to the area needed to achieve climax. Eight speed settings help women not to feel overpowered with too much sensation but also increase the intensity to extremely powerful when needed.

These steps offer up a great recipe for inorgasmia.
But there are also other ideas that troubleshoot inorgasmia. These include the application of muscle relaxants to the inside of the vaginal area to help increase blood flow. Grind up an over-the-counter Robaxin, suspend it in lube and insert it in vaginally. It helps with penetrative ease, and it also helps encourage openness of the complete vaginal area. The new Orgasm shot3 uses an injection of your own platelets (PRP) exactly where the blood supply and nerves to the G-spot lie. The spot grows in size and nerves multiply. In turn, the G-spot becomes easier to touch and delivers more sensation and an increased ability to reach orgasm.
Understanding your body and using the new technology available such as the Zumio medical device will help ensure that full orgasmic responses are available to all women.


Scream Cream:

Studies have reported that over 43% of women in North America experience little to no sexual satisfaction from clitoral orgasm and only 25% acheive orgasm with intercourse. In fact, according to the studies, numerous women between 18 and 80 do not even know what an orgasm is or how it is achieved.
Whether someone is multi-orgasmic or among the 43% of women who are sexually frustrated, any woman who desires maximum sexual fulfillment, greater intimacy, and enhanced relationships stands to benefit from regular use of Scream Cream.
Unlike the over-the-counter orgasm cream you buy at the sex store, Scream Cream packs a punch. Invented by my favourite pharmacist, Scott Watson at Watsons’s Pharmacy in Ottawa. I’m giving it to women along with a high end, high vibration toy (like a magic wand or intensity), scream cream is doubling the amount of women I’m able to offer suggestions that bring women to orgasm.
Scream cream contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodilators. Each ½ gram dose contains Aminophylline 15-mg, Isosorbid dinitrate 1.25 mg, Ergoloid mesylate 0.25 mg, Pentoxifylline 25 mg, and L-Arginine 30-mg. Disolved in a water based hypoallergenic transdermal vehicle (think lube). The vehicle is designed to enhance the rate of absorption and to cause the medication to be retained locally in order to maximize local effects and metabolism while minimizing the potential side effects.


Scream cream should be applied directly to the clitoris (or the penis) at least 30 minutes prior to anticipated sexual relations and gently (or vigorously ) massaged in. The duration of effect ranges from 30 minutes to 2 hours and heightens both the ease of stimulation and intensity of orgasm.
Patients with a history of sensitivity to any of the ingredients should not use this product. Patients with a history of genital herpes should use this product with caution as L-Arginine may facilitate the reproduction of the herpes virus.
Scream cream is packaged in 30 multi-dose tubes.
2 or 4% sildenafil
3% L-Arginine
5% Phentoxifylline


The O shot – A Sex Therapist’s Firsthand experience

As a credible Sex Therapist I don’t refer any of my clients to other specialists, procedures, or fellow Therapists without first knowing the other professionals style and treatment plans. Any referral has to have a good likelihood of working for that specific client or I won’t attach my name to it. I value my client’s time and money, and patients pay for my expertise in the area of sexuality. I only refer to people I know, like and trust.

In the past I had sent a few clients to Montreal and Toronto to get the O shot procedure from physicians I had previously met at conferences on sexuality. My clients are women who have been struggling with lack of orgasm, decreased sensitivity and incontinence. The clients seemed happy with the results. But they were understandably anxious and there were significant costs in traveling out of town. New clients had questions about the procedure that I could only answer from the third person. I then heard that in 2017 the Orgasm or O shot was now available in my hometown of Ottawa, Ontario by Inovo Medical. They had a booth about sexual and cosmetic medicine at the Women’s Show and had great reviews from previous patients. It was time for me to go through the O shot procedure myself in order to feel like “I was walking the walk”. The other sexual procedures done at Inovo Medical include an increase in penile girth, the P shot for Peyronie’s (bend in the penis), and laser treatments for vaginal tightening.

I arranged a meeting with the chief physician at Innovo Medical, Dr. Belanger, in order to ask my questions in person and get his take on the procedure. My first meeting was actually Halloween day. The whole staff was dressed up, laughing, offering up chocolate all while being very professional. I love Halloween and chocolate so I felt the love. It was a great atmosphere with a supportive and inclusive group. I was invited to join them over lunch and the staff (including their resident physicians) were all present and engaged discussing sexual medicine. I was sold.
The O shot is defined as “The Orgasm Shot® (O-Shot®) procedure is a very specific method of using blood-derived growth factors to rejuvenate the vagina to help relieve women with urinary incontinence and sex problems.”
That’s a formal way of saying that by injecting the body’s own platelets into the vagina, G spot, vulva and urethra it encourages significant healing and increased blood flow in those areas. PRP procedure uses the body’s own healing to concentrate on areas that have been diminished. Athletes use the procedure to heal specific areas after injuries.

The O shot was designed to improve areas of Female sexual dysfunction. Besides incontinence, female sexual dysfunction can include:

• Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (usually but not always accompanies Sexual Desire Disorder). Women who suffer with this may want to have sex but have much difficulty finding the pleasure of arousal. The 5% incidence doesn’t sound like much until you think about it–that’s the same as one in 20!

• Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (Low desire). Remember, that this is not counted a disorder unless it’s disrupting the woman’s life. Around 10% of women suffer with this problem. Important: Suffering with a sexual disorder does not simply make sex not fun. Better sex leads to more energy, more creativity, increased confidence, less depression, and improved overall health.

• Female Orgasmic Disorder: Again around 1 in 20 (or 5%). Here women can become aroused but have much difficulty with orgasm. This can be so frustrating that sex becomes a frustration that they avoid.

• Dyspareunia: Here the woman suffers with real pain with sex (not from decreased lubrication or vaginal spasm). The incidence is from around 1 in 10 to 1 in 5 women. (The above shocking statistics came from Obstetrics & Gynecology April 2011)
If you experience any of those kinds of sexual dysfunction you might want to seriously consider getting an O shot. For women over 50 who are lacking in sensitivity it’s one of the most effective treatments. It’s not inexpensive, but for a one-time try the procedure costs $700. It may be a good birthday present suggestion.
The whole procedure takes about 2 hours to complete all at the Inovo Medical Centre near Montreal and Olgivie Roads in Ottawa.

Here’s how it works:

After you arrive at Innovo, the staff will ask you to use the washroom to put some Emla (numbing lotion) cream all over your vulva and inside the vagina. After about 30 minutes you feel NOTHING. Everything is numb.
After that, Jenny the cheerful nurse brings you into a room and takes a vial of blood out of your arm to spin for the procedure. You go back into the waiting room and continue getting numb while reading a magazine. Expect to sit for 45 minutes while the cream works to make the procedure pain-free.

Once the plasma is ready Dr. Belanger gets you into the stirrups and uses a local anesthetic (like you get at the dentist) to further freeze your nether regions. After a few minutes more of waiting for you to be completely frozen your own plasma (PRP) is then injected into three spots. The first injection is by your clitoris, the second near your urethra and the third is inside the vagina into your G spot.

The truth is I felt absolutely zero pain for the first two injections. I was so numb that I didn’t even feel the pressure. For the G spot injection I did feel a twinge but not even as much as a bee sting.
After the procedure you are asked to wait to make sure you have no swelling and then you get dressed. That’s it. Oh, and they give you the extra plasma to take home to put into the fridge to use on your face at night over the next few weeks as with the vampire face lift. It’s definitely an added bonus and you get the 2 for the price of 1 treatment.
The O shot can take up to 6 weeks to be fully engaged. It’s been that long since my procedure. I have noticed an increase in my natural lubrication and a tightening of the vaginal opening. Given that reaching orgasm has never been an issue in the past I haven’t noticed any change. But there does seem to be an improvement in minor incontinence during exercise. I would certainly consider getting a second O shot a few months down the road to continue healing the urethra and to promote vaginal stimulation.

Read about Inovo Medical here and you may want to start the conversation for yourself.