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Okay, even more sex toys

I wrote a bunch of content for my new podcast, but until my computer gets fixed, we get to do it the old fashioned way.  I have this very cool new blackberry, so if you want to comment, I’ll recieve if on my new wireless… sexwithsue@rogers.com.  I would love your feedback.

Anyway, here are a few more toys I like.  I’ll get through my list of cool sex toys this week, and then I’ll start on the audio podcasting.  Then you can listen as well as read.Bush_with_rabbit  I think everyone needs a toy as a stress reliever.  Here’s a pic with Mr. Bush and the ever popular rabbit. (and we know how stressed “shrubby” is these days…)

The Egg and Dual Bullets Combo

This is the toy that if your Mom finds in your sock drawer, she won’t know that it’s actually for putting a smile on your face. They’ll never get in the way, but they’ll take you all the way!  Most sex toys don’t even compare to this one but you get two together, they fit in, on or around every orifice in your body. The universal shape, can put it inside, outside, against the head of the penis, nipples, and in combination against the testicles, it’s great alone, but it’s real beauty is as a tandem toy. Think two for the price of one- this is a great starter toy.

Waterproof Jelly G – Spot

Considering that the best G- Spot orgasms will make you with you were in scuba gear, one for the bathtub, hot tub, lake etc. seems like a great idea. Covered in comfortable jelly with extra girth, so they press into you when they need to, the G Spot vibes, always have that little hook, that presses around your pubic bone. With the G Spot vibes, you can either get there or not (My doctor describes it as having to pick his wife up with his fingers…), depending on how close your G- Spot is to the surface of the vagina. Still, if you like internal stimulation, this is one of the best.

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How infidelity is changing

Couples They did a poll and asked how many men would cheat if they could get away with it.  It turns out that close to 90% of guys, would have inconsequential sex, if  they couldn’t ever get caught.  (I’ll look for the survey source).  Infidelity and having a mistress also used to have more social acceptance – you know, Man’s God give right to fool around… 

Well not anymore.  Social mores suggest that you are not entitled to have an affair, and I beleive as a sex therapist that if you choose to cheat, you better be prepared to live silently with the guilt.  This is one of the shifts in sexual attitudes happening in our lifetime. Most partners would rather you didn’t, (go figure), and if you do, would rather not know.  "Getting it off your chest" seems like a very selfish thing to do, in terms of spousal mental health.  Feet 

Which brings me to my patient today, and my thoughts that monogamous relationships may just not work for some people.  I’ve met clients, that are incapable of being monogamous, it’s just the way they are made.  These people end up feeling horrible guilt and are made to feel abnormal becasue they don’t fit the mould of the nuclear family.  You are free to take exception to this, but this is my objective conclusion after years of tying to figure out why people have affairs.  My patient today met his mistress on Ashley Madison.com the dating site for those people already attached,  and found that having the affair saved his marriage.  I’m going to do a poll on my crazy site and I’ll let you know the results.

Feeling the Love…

Sue

Last night’s radio show

I had a really fun show last night talking about male sexual problems.  I love my job.  I get to talk about sex, and had a bunch of guys call in responding to my guest James Whittall, founder and President of men essentials, the first men’s cosmetic site.  He espouced on about the benefits of edible testicle talc (sweaty nut powder), and how his article about shaving Private Ryan, but have a listen yourself.  It’s a 14 minute kick ass interview about the benefits of bikini waxing and going hairless for men.  If only all my guests were as cool and funny as James.  Download james_whittall.mp3 see pic of James below

Jwphoto

I also had this question from a listener in response to last night’s show:

Just heard your radio show for the first time, while doing some late
night driving. It would be great if everyone could talk about sex as
openly as you do. I have a question about semen. My semen is often refered
to as \"very thick\", \"chunky\", \"lumpy\" etc. Is thick semen (lumpy)
considered normal? I consider it normal for me, because it has always
been like that. But with the comments, I am starting to think maybe it
isn\’t so normal.  L.

Hey L, lots of men have different consistencies to their semen.  Provided it doesn’t have an odor, or change color, I wouldn’t be concerned. Semen can be influenced by such things as food, fluid, amount of times you ejaculate weekly (I think it should be 4 times a week or more, to clean out the prostate and make the semen more fluid.) Temperature can also influence it. Any woman knows that her body temperature causes the drip-down-the-inside-of-the-thighs phenomenon, within 15 minutes after unprotected ejaculation is deposited in the vagina.  So don’t sweat it.

More cool stuff tomnorrow.

Still feeling the love,

Sue

The sex toys continue

I get all the cool sex toy catalogues from the manufacturers and I’m overwhelmed. Go to some of the "marital aids" websites, and be prepared for every color, size and pictures (usually penetrating some orfice). Now I’m about as far away from a prude as you can get, but I find graphic pictures when all I really want is information, somewhat assaultive.  I still use my old Phillips beauty set that I got as a Christmas present as a teen as my #1 toy and the damn thing is over 20 years old!  New isn’t necessarily better, it’s what works for you.  I like the plug in’s (because I HATE being out of batteries when I want to play), but there are some good ones to know about of late.  Catch my earlier blog about why it’s essential for women to get a toy and mastrbate.

1. Pain, stress relief, lowers blood pressure, improves the pelvic floor muscles and a host of other general health benefits. 2.If you can’t play with your own equipment, you shouldn’t be playing with anyone elses. Besides, how are you going to show someone what you like, if you don’t know? 3. Women who touch themselves when they feel the urge are 85-90% less likely to get a vaginal/yeast/genital infection.  Yup, you read that right.  Just like sneezing clears your sinus cavity, orgasms flush out old sprem cells, bacteria, viruses and other nasties lurking in your twat. Climax, and they are washed away with the tidal wave.  If you don’t believe me, read Robin Baker’s book Sperm Wars, the best researched book on evolutionary biology I’ve found

So, just for the record, here are some of my favourite toys, with brief descriptions on  how you shoud use them….

Great finger vibe FK 9000 This was the “sex toy of the year” in 2003, and have been going through evolutions ever since. Small, quite, with this cool pouch (complete with belt loop!!!!) so you can pretend it’s a cell phone for those emergency work days. Possibly the world’s smallest vibrator (actually it isn’t, but you could say “possibly”). It fits on your finger and provides an amazing tease.  These finger mounted sex toys have an incredible 9000 vibrations per minute. Yeah!. It is entirely wireless and little clips to hold it securely on your finger. It also comes with extra batteries. Great for external clitoral or prostate (P spot) stimulation. The only downside to these toys is that these little batteries, while great for specific stimulation, making it small and convenient, don’t pack the serious power of some of the bigger toys. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get off, but if you are the give-me-the-power-turn-it-up-to-11 kind of person these little sweeties may not have the torque you need.

The Amazing, Stupendous Rabbit Immortalized forever on Sex in the City, (this is the one that Charlotte bought and then stopped leaving the house, and Miranda and Carey had to do a Rabbit intervention after finding her disheveled and completely satisfied), This is a great, wonderful, must-have, incredible toy that you buy for yourself or for any woman in your life, -think bridal shower, sister’s birthday, grumpy boss, whomever…. Lot’s of guys claim to be jealous that they can’t move like that. I say that it means less work for the guys, and if you’re a smart guy, you get her close with the Rabbit , and then come in for the finish and end up a hero. Besides what else are we to do during hunting season, the World Series, and business trips??? These vibrators have a penis head and a bulge in the middle with Wiggly moving parts. More to come on tomorrow’s blog

Sex toys, the start of the list

Okay, I’ve seen em all,  The good the bad and the ugly of sex toys. I want to start giving you the top 20 toys, the exceptional romance products, batteries sometimes included.

With two trips to the far east to see the huge manufacturing plants in off shore China, and Hong Kong, a visit to the California Doc Johnson football field-like warehouses and having attended to Vegas new product and AVN shows, as well as speaking and interviewing the most diverse group of owners, inventors, purveyors, and users of these toys I’ve amassed the definitive list of great –must have products. These are the toys for every person who wants a good toy, but who’s idea of sex doesn’t include a 9 volt battery, a chicken feather, a Little Bo Peep costume in men’s XL and a vat of gelatin. I’ve been called – the “sometimes silly, soccer Mom of sex”, and one hell of a therapist.” Take it for what it’s worth, but at the risk of sounding immodest, I know a lot about adult toys.

My site (sex withsue.com) also gives you a list of inexpensive, toys you can put together from the grocery store and your local hardware store to have THE toy box of tricks. There is a lot of junk out there. Products made with the cheapest of toxic plastic (read the article about poisons in many of these toys) and sold for a huge mark up without explaining the benefits, the risks, the cleaners, and why these are good for you (your partner and will leave you squirming with delight).

I only sell these Sue recommended products. I guarantee all of them, will send you a free e-mail download code to get the audio “ listen to” MP3 stories and  fun suggestions that will leave you knowing all the tricks, and can be used as a fun bedtime story with your partner….

I’ve got audio interviews with Dell Williams of EG, Darryl Brown of Calston , and Serenity of AVN in my listen to Sue section, and have all of their recommendations.  I’ve interviewed my staff, patients, listeners, and friends give their recommendations of the best products on the market. Finally, some celebrity comments round out the things you need to know about sexual products and why a list that follows over the next few days, is all that you need to satisfy any non-deviant desires.

The sex Olympics

So the Olympics just wound up. I think it’s an opportunity to speculate about the possibilities of a sexual Olympics. I’ve got a friend who thinks we should always make our partners feel like they’ve gotten a gold medal. You know, sing O Canada, stand them up on the pedestal, and shower them with accolades. I don’t know if I would agree with that, for women especially, that may involve faking their sincere reactions to pleasure. Hey, I’m all about giving warm fuzzies to your lover, but faking, in my opinion only slams the door on your own pleasure. How’s a partner to know what you like, or even do the necessary work, if you are busy misdirecting or acting out the moans? For men, like with the Canadian hockey team, the gold medal may just involve too much pressure and hype, which can result in difficulties in the clutch. I happen think that as a rule, Canadians are great in bed. We would be showered with medals in this department. Understated, sensitive, used to snuggling together to ward off the cold, and according to the Durex Sex Survey, more concerned about their partners pleasure than their own.

There’s a lot of similarities between sex and the Olympics. It involves sweating, endurance, and those convoluted, scrunched up facial expressions you get when getting to the finish. There are too are all those sports related sex metaphors like throwing rocks, slapshots, scoring between the periods. And don’t even get me started on the sexy snowboarding lingo.

You look at all these really good looking athletes at the Olympics– and they are really good looking given a lifetime of healthy living and exercise, and wonder just how many of them are actually getting some. Maybe they are all saving themselves? Canadian swim coach Dave Johnson included an abstinence pledge in the official code of conduct for the Canadian women’s and men’s swim teams during the 1996 Summer Games in

. Asked about it recently, he said it was largely an attempt to minimize emotional stress for the swimmers. "Sex creates an extra set of distractions for young athletes," he said. In professional football, many teams require players to check into hotels, away from wives or partners, even before home games. The Steelers coaches conduct room checks. Maybe that’s why they won this year’s Superbowl. So maybe you could be in medal contention even if you are flying solo these days….

I think we should be lobbying to make great sex an Olympic event. Maybe the least amount of thrusting before silmultaneous orgasms, or the longest distance ejaculated. It’s something everyone has a good chance of trying out for, and I guarantee it would do wonders for the ratings on CBC and NBC. Just a thought,

I’m Sue McGarvie, and that’s Sue’s spin on sex.

Atlanta

The hazard of getting semen on your hands

As I try to anti-spyware my computer, the intrusive, uninvited, assaultive stuff that sneaks on your system and pops up with penis enlargement spam, I am thinking that in many ways spywear is like a date with a creepy guy.  Pushy, smells badly, and keeps trying to get in your pants.

Some women view porn the same way.  In discussions with some women friends yesterday, it was interesting to see their acceptance or complete rejection of "adult material" (the PC term) fell completely along age lines.  Under the age of 30, the women thought it was almost hip, sexy, and something they used in the bedroom to spice things up. Over 30 it was like the Erica Jong quote " that after watching porn for five minutes you wanted to have sex, after watching it for 30 minutes, you never wanted to have sex again."

It’s amazing to me how quickly sex is changing.  It never ceases to fascinate me, and I still think being a sex therapist is the coolest job in the world.  I don’t know where I was going with this, but as I muse on porn, the evil of computer viruses – (and it was probably my little brother downloading porn onto my computer when he stayed with me between apartments, that brought into the viruses in the first place), and how many keyboards must glow blue like those CSI episodes with "biological fluid".  ooo

Still feeling the love,

Sue

Everybody, and I mean everybody has something sexual going on

So I finished Naked Conversations (the cool new Isreal and Scoble book) and they said that IT has experimented and initiated all the new technology (I have already loaned it out or I would quote the passage directly).  Anyway, I want to add that I think it’s sex, not IT that has caused most of the new technologies to be developed and perfected.  Everything from the VCR, satellite TV, webcams, virtual reality, man the whole web is still about sex.  Soon it will be sex and podcasting…. If you do a search on itunes for sex podcasts, (or so my friend Patti from SpinMamas tells me sinmamas.com, for women who cope that there are only 70 podcasts in the whole world on sex. Time to dive in with a sex with sue podcast I think…

If I haven’t mentioned it before, sex is the second most powerful drive in the human body after food. What’s amazing to me is that so many people seem so hung up on it.  Hey, I’m as whitebread as they come (2 kids, bungalow, white, heterosexual husband of 10 years, and I rarely dress him up as Little Bo Peep), but we all do it.  I want to take out a bus ad that says, Relax, it’s only sex. So we rub our genitals together?  So what? If it’s safe and consentual, to quote Martha Stewart "it’s a good thing". I had a bunch of questions from my radio show of people feeling really different and isolated.  The longer I’m a sex therapist the more I know that everyone, is uncomfortable about some of their sexual feelings, and thinks their a bit wierd, or that they are somehow wrong for liking it too much, or liking it not enough.  Anyway, my thought this morning reading my mail, is you are all okay, and be a little gentle with yourselves.

Feeling the Love, Sue

The Rant of a Sex Therapist

Forget The March of the Penguins, sex therapists ( at least me and the ones I know), aren’t  serene, or that accepting of the status quo.  We tend to question everything, so I thought a rant section might be in order.

I tried hard to post yesterday but had to clear the 21 spywear virus stuff off my system (%$^!!@$%) What a hassle!  Today I feel like advocating the death penalty for computer virus inventors.  I just want to be a good person, check my e-mail (don’t even get me started on the hundreds of spam I get daily), write my cool new blog,  and can’t because I have to deal with crashing computers.

I wanted to talk about the guest I had Saturday night on the Love and Romance Show, my crazy full-moon Saturday night sex talk show on cfrb (www.cfrb.com). I spoke with Deborah Anapol, the author of the seven laws of love (sevenlawsoflove.com), and Love without Limits.  She talked about how we may be evolving away from monogamy and headed towards more polyamourous (loving more than one person) love affairs.  This is swinging beyond the free love stuff you  heard about in the 60’s.  Having been a few  times to the swing clubs both in Ottawa and Toronto (a topic for another blog), I’m hear to say, they are becoming more and more mainstream.  This is like that chick at the Oscar’s thanking both her husband and wife – just like the infamous Nina Hartley. I’ve spoken to two people, not patients, but when everyone tells you about their sex lives you hear a few interesting things….who are in these kinds of mutliple partner relationships.  Most I spoke to met on www.ashleymadison.com, (interesting site, with a nice group of guys running it), the website for the already attached who are looking for love.  In one case, the woman and her husband meet their individual  lovers on  Tueday night, and then come home and tell each other how their evenings go. Everything is all open and they all know about each other. The quote I heard about why they wanted this, was "that she had more love to give than to just one person.

I have to admit I’m fascinated by it. Regular sex and intimacy, without the sneaking around of infidelity, all the while maintaining your marriage. Maybe they are onto something????  I would welcome your comments, but haven’t yet figured out how to add those to my blog.  You can always e-mail me at sue@sexwithsue.com, and I’ll post them.  I’m going to post the audio interview with Doborah as a podcast as soon as I figure out how to attach it.   Blondes working technology, it just takes me longer….

Feeling the Love.  Sue

we know what you are doing in the shower

March 18, 2006

I had a conversation last night with a friend, and like most female conversations it didn’t take too long before it turned to kids, sex, and men. (the other popular topics include birthing stories, chocolate, spirituality and shoes…).  Anyway, she was telling me how her now teenage stepson is spending all of his time in the bathroom and using up all of the hot water.  I told her that it was normal and teenage boys masturbate at least once a day, usually in the shower.  She was floored that she hadn’t realized that was what he was doing, and no wonder her hot water bills were so high.

Isn’t that what all guys do in the shower?  I talk to people about sex all day long, every day and men masturbate regularly, and yes, especially in the shower.  The good news is that it’s good for you.  When I started as a sex therapist I used to espouse that sex felt good, was critical for your relationship, but now I tell people, it’s imperative for your health.  It’s at least as good for you as exercise (those 350-500 calorie boff’s), and forget an apple a day, it’s an orgasm a day.  For guys it keeps the pipes clean, scoures out the prostate and keeps your sperm fresh and your blood pressure healthy.  For women who masturbate, it keeps the vagina clean and just like a sneeze cleans out the sinus cavity, an orgasm cleans the snatch out of all those viruses, bacteria, and old sperm remnants. Women who give into the urge to play with themselves are 80% less likely to get a vaginal infection.  80%!!!!! Why aren’t there bus ads telling women this?  It’s like the girls who sit in the hot tub, (3rd spigot on the left shoots just the right way….), men in the shower are just emptying out the junk.  Even if it does increase the hydro bill.

Sue

Green protruding things

Happy St. Paddy’s Day         More sexy conversations…

Well as I figure out blogging (as I silmultaneously work on the podcasting), I’m trying to post interesting and useful stuff a la the Scobel and Isreal book Naked Conversations. (my podcast had the sexy conversations title before I found the book guys) I’ve never been cool but I’m trying, and after some green beer this afternoon, I thought I should post on the good, the bad and the ugly of green things during sex.

I had a few thoughts about green protruding things. Whether it be cheap satin underwear that turned my vulva from my favourite shade of GM sportscar pink (I can’t wait to be old, swear alot and drive a vulva-pink sportscar, but I digress) to an awful shade of green, I realized that green isn’t a color you want associated with your protruding parts.

I often talk on air about how relatively safe oral sex is.  Hey, even in Health Canada’s latest (Jan. 2006) publication on the state of the AIDS infections in Canada couldn’t state that AIDS is transmitted orally.  Unless you’ve just had teeth pulled, and have gaping, oozing sores in your mouth (and then the thought of fellatio at that time seems incredibly unpalatable), oral sex is, all things considered, a safer sexual activity.  That is, unless you have Green, foamy stuff coming out of your genitalia. That’s usually the clap or the gon…, which burns when you pee and smells something fierce. I remember the first time someone came into the birth control clinic with a raging infection (kind of like when someone forgets a tampon inside) it is the most putrid smell imaginable…Now I’m being gross, but it’s my important safety tip of the day. Don’t go down on anyone with green stuff because you can get the STI (sexually transmitted infection) in your throat. oowwww.

I can’t think of anything else that’s sexy green unless you caount my sparkly, open-toed shoes I got to match a hideous bridesmaid dress once. My foot fetish patient got all turned on in my clinic when I tried to have his appointment wearing them… Live and learn.

So I guess kermit was right.  It’s not easy being green.  At least not in the bedroom.

A demain.  Sue

This is my blog!!!

I’m starting to blog, but can’t figure this out yet!!! Why aren’t my first blogs posting?  How can I read someone else’s blogs? I’ve got interesting content but why isn’t it showing up!!!!

In the meantime, play this little quiz, and I’ll work hard to keep up.

Cheers!
Sue

Questions for the battle of the sexes

Male Questions:

1. Which of the is the most common method of birth control in Canada

 

A) the pill

B) the condom

C) sterilization otherwise known as the snip

2. What is the #1 most common female sexual problem

A) Low sex drive, or “not this month honey I’ve got a headache

B) Difficulty reaching orgasm or “are you done yet?”

C) Sexual pain or get that thing away from me!

3. According the Durex Sex Survey a majority of Canadian
women prefered making love in

A) The shower

B) The bed

C) The great outdoors

Female Questions:

1. What is the average penis size in Canada, is it

A) 5 inches

B) 6 inches

C) 7 inches

2. What is the most common male sexual problem is it:

A) erection problems or where’s the Viagra?

B) Premature ejaculation otherwise known as the 1 minute man

C)  Or moody hormonal imbalances

3. According to the Durex Sex Survey, most Canadian men make love

A) between 7 and 8 AM

B) between 10:30 and 11 PM

C) Saturday night after 8 PM between periods of hockey night in Canada