Category: being hot, and other sexy things

It turns out it isn’t getting rich (or being skinnier) that makes you happy.

It’s sleep and sex that rate as things that make you feel the most content.

Although preferably not together.

A study has found that sex and sleep are the two things that have the strongest association with a person’s wellbeing.

The index, developed by researchers Oxford Economics, found that quadrupling your income causes very little increase to your happiness, while spending time in the bedroom is a lot more significant.
Polling carried out by the National Centre for Social Research, found that the most rested people score 15 points higher on the index than those who struggled with their sleep.

People who are deeply dissatisfied with their sex lives score seven points lower on average than those who say they were very satisfied. Satisfaction improved with sex twice a week, and over eight hours of sleep.

The result was the creation of the Sainsbury’s Living Well Index, which generated a list of the top factors that separated the happiest 20 percent from everyone else. In order of biggest influence, sleep quality, sex life, job security, health of close relatives and chatting to neighbors in other words community) that rounded out the top 5. Daily walks also made the list.

Every study done in the last 20 years talk about how great sex improves your mood and your health. After a few nights of bad sleep everyone knows how big a factor rest is on physical and mental health. However the fact that money doesn’t rank at the top of the list might might be surprising. Researchers found that those who had good sleep and a sex life they were satisfied with had higher “living well” scores than those people with a high income.

Interesting new sex study has just been published. It’s not our age but the age that we feel that determines our sexual satisfaction

Your sex life is only as old as you feel
Tuesday, may 30, 2017
The closer you feel to your actual age, the less likely you are to be satisfied with your sex life, a University of Waterloo study has found.

The study looked at the attitudes of sex and aging of a group of 1170 adults from their mid-40s to their mid-70s over a 10-year period.

The group, which included people of diverse sexual orientation, reported that the closer people felt to their chronological age, the lower the quality of their sex life.

“What was clear from the data is that feeling younger had a huge impact on how people felt about the quality of their sex life and how interested they were in having sex,” said Steven Mock, an associate professor in Recreation and Leisure Studies at Waterloo. “For people in mid to later life, feeling young at heart actually appears to make a difference in the bedroom.”

The research drew upon data collected in the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) study in the between 1995 and 2005. The MIDUS study is a national longitudinal study of health and wellbeing in the United States and measures the physical and mental health of participants over a period of decades.

“It’s important to consider all of the different psychosocial and biological factors that might influence a person’s sexuality,” said Amy Estill, who led the research while completing her Master’s degree at Waterloo. “While feeling younger didn’t have an impact on how much sex people were having, it was quite clear that feeling older does impact the quality of the sex you’re having,”

The study was recently published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Huge Erotic Art Exhibit with over 200 pieces of nudes, sensuous and sassy art! September 29, 30th 2017

The idea started because we couldn’t find any galleries that carried classy erotic art for our office. It’s evolved to be the perfect date night activity. A Friday/Saturday pop-up erotic art exhibit with over 200 pieces of art. Wine bar, chocolate samples, music, and a chance to get your picture taken as a couple. Most of the artists will be in attendance and you can appreciate the human form portrayed by the best visual artists around.Tell your friends and co-workers to come see the art. There has never been so many pieces of erotic art in one place in the city’s history. It will be a perfect date night and girl’s night out.

For Ducklings there will be a private VIP section with nude art models along with a chance to paint them on the Saturday evening. Really. There will be body painting, learn-how-to-draw nudes (with a bunch of models), chocolate, an erotic food tasting off a naked body, body part casting, an “ass-print collage” and so much more! Anyone can come to the art show but after 7 pm on Saturday night you have to be a Duckling to attend!

The schedule includes a live body casting of strategic squishy parts. A “feel and identify” human sculptures, a body painting of nude models, an artist teaching how to draw nude models in different mediums, erotic edibles (eating off a naked body), music and food. It’s going to be unique and we’ve been planning this for months.

The art show runs Friday evening along with Saturday afternoon 2 to 7 pm if you can’t make it Saturday night and just want to see the art. It’s a great date night with food and drinks available. Then we will dance like nobody is watching, drink beverages, and use a variety of different mediums to create our own erotic masterpieces.

We will create a collective Duckling portrait and eat foods that double as aphrodisiacs.

We have been working on this event for close to a year!

We event have our own website and facebook page! See the gorgeous website here

Get your Saturday (7-11 pm) Duckling-only VIP tickets below!.

Friday September 29, 2017 – 6 pm to 9 pm $10 admission and everyone is welcome.

Saturday, September 30, 2017 – 2 pm to 7 pm $10 admission all are welcome

Saturday 7 pm to 11 pm VIP Party – body painting, paint night, chocolate fondue dance party plus meet some of the artists!
(must be a paid Duckling member to attend – membership can be purchased at the event or online here)

Collabspace – 70 Bongard Ave

$10 at the door (cash only) for the public events Friday evening and Saturday afternoon
$25 online (coming soon) or at the door for the VIP event Saturday night
(includes entrance to the art show)

Email us at

Presented to you by Sex With Sue and We are the Ducklings $30

School of Sex events! It’s not your parents Sex Ed class. It’s All about the vagina Jan. 29, 2017

School of Sex. Gooey Girl Bits!! The Vagina, vulva, clitoris all explained.

Sunday, January 29, 2017
2:00 PM to 5:00 PM
The Rosemount Orange Hall
41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON

Everything you wanted to know about the Vajayjay but didn’t know who to talk ask. The next in the series of School of Sex is the female genitalia. Or how to stimulate, tease, understand and amplify the pleasure of the female genitalia. Get information about the erotic, the medical, and the sex therapist point of views. Great instructors to find out what’s current in the part of women’s bodies that everyone wants to know more about. Really understand your anatomy or the anatomy of any women in your life. Discover new ways women can reach orgasm. Especially if orgasms are difficult. G spots, u spots, X spots and the like. Get the inside track of new organic products that lube you up, make you taste wonderful and keep your girl bits all dry and smelling nice.

Yoni massage (the tantra word for vulva) will be covered and you can learn how to stimulate all of the nerve endings both inside and out with one of the city’s best erotic masseuses. Learn about the different clit pumps, the scream cream, and acupressure points that can trigger female orgasm.

Finally test out the brand new $1000 infrared internal wand that tightens and helps diminish vaginal pain.

If you are a friend to the vagina, vulva or clit this is going to be an interesting workshop. We will have some vendors at this event (there are so many new, cool things to showcase), the usual snacks and a chance to really understand how amazing female genitalia really is. And like all Duckling events it is fun, social, warm, and inclusive.
Educational, fun and with the essential life experience that everyone who has a vagina, wishes they did, or regularly wants to play with one needs to know about.

$30 including refreshments. This is an open event so everyone is welcome. Bring a friend and find out all about the Ducklings and our School of Sex series. Discounts for the next six School of Sexes and therapy receipts are also available. Click here to find out more and sign up!

You can pay at the door but there are maximums that the room holds so purchasing in advance is strongly encouraged.

New research shows selfless people have more sex

selfless3So that hot bed of sex research North Bay, Ontario (smile) came out with a great new study this month talking about how kind people get more sex. It’s long been proven that lovers who put their partners first get way, way more sex than those who take care of their own needs first. But now the research out of Nippising University shows that donating blood, giving generously to charity, helping little old ladies cross the street, and being an all round nice person makes you more sexually attractive.
Dr.Steven Arnocky, one of the the studies authors said

“We’ve provided the first empirical evidence that altruism may tangibly benefit mating in humans living in Western industrialized society. It appears that altruism evolved in our species, in part, because it serves as a signal of other underlying desirable qualities, which helps individuals reproduce.”

Previous studies showed that if you add altruism to a man, women find him more attractive. Dr. Arnocky’s study shows how this can translate into the very tangible benefits of more sex. Women especially find men that give back really sexy.

The findings support previous research that focused on food sharing by hunters among non-kin as a form of altruism, which show that men who hunt – and share – meat enjoy greater reproductive success. As well, research has previously shown that individuals report preferring altruistic mates, all else being equal.
The study also found that altruism seems to work more effectively for men in terms of attracting a partner. Altruism, it seems, is a powerful attractant for females, which is obviously good news for nice guys as well as local charities.
One question that remains is: are people more altruistic because they are having sex? Or, are they having more sex because they are altruistic?

I think that the adage that kindness and manners matter and that mean people are profoundly unattractive crops up in all aspects of relationships. This study is a good reminder that it is not what you look like but who you are that attracts a partner of quality.


Why adults are still craving intimacy and the desire to stay sexy into middle age.

We as Canadians have always prided ourselves on our ability to be flexible, inclusive and to be open to both new ideas and changing times. Never has this been more necessary than in recent years. With households (often blended) requiring two working parents with irregular work schedules, kids in all sorts of programs often requiring travel –think hockey families- and more opportunity than ever to have spare time consumed in new and exciting ways, it is not a surprise that intimate time is at a premium and that the same old time spent between the sheets isn’t enough to capture our attention. Simply put, we as a nation are craving more interesting ways to spark our relationships. We are questioning whether the intimacy that the previous generations shared will see us through. The fifty plus percent divorce rate suggests not.

So if one or both partners in a relationship draw this conclusion, what is the next step? We (my husband Blaik and I) tested a theory during 2015 and were blown away by the results. It was kind of a “if we build it, will they come?” sort of thing. We set out to build a sassy and flirty club for couples and singles along the lines of monogamish. Monogamish is a relatively new term for couples who want to expand their sexuality and intimacy in a safe and fun way that allows for shifting into that “outside your comfort zone” area while maintaining the integrity of the relationship. Think being allowed to flirt with other people, perhaps visit a nude beach with a gaggle of like-minded friends or attend a sexy dance where you may enjoy multiple dance partners all with the approval of your primary partner.

We created a meet up group, sent out a newsletter, organized a few events and stepped back. Boom! 1500 people signed up in the first 9 months. We outgrew venue after venue. We added more events and they sold out. The club grows by 5 people per day. It is astounding the number of adults who want to be seen as sexy by their peers. And it goes without saying that they would rather do this with their partner’s involvement than behind their partner’s backs. We discovered that if you provide an outlet for couples to express the sexiness together in a manner safe to the relationship, they are all in. Their intimacy as a couple grew substantially as they remembered just how attractive their own partner was and could be.

Our experiment had other interesting spin-offs. As the community grew, volunteers came forward to both help out with the workload and offer their personal expertise. In other words, it was developing a life of its own. It has become a large part of many people’s lives and has become their social network. It has sparked relationships and people sign up for events months away because it gives them something to connect over and talk about.

The experiment needed a name and the club became “The Ducklings”. The website ( was launched and more events are being posted each week. If you are interested in seeing the results of an experiment devised last March, you are invited to join the group and attend the January James Bond Casino night and dance. Laughter, hot costumes, sex appeal, and great fun from a bunch of regular Ottawa couples who simply understand that if you aren’t using that inner sexiness then you are losing it. And if you are using it, your own relationship becomes that much hotter which promotes deeper intimacy. These days, we all can use some of that.


8 tips for spicing things up!

spicing1Tips to keep things hot
It’s the #1 question I get from women over 30. I get constantly asked how to spice up relationships without stepping on landmines. For many people, the thought of having repetitive identical sex with the same partner for the next 30 years causes a decrease in libido, and has couples feeling shut down. I do a workshop with my husband we call “The Loving Hedonist”. It’s all about what’s new in sex. The seminars cover topics such as stepping out of your comfort zone, learning what really turns you on and how express your fantasies and desires safely. More importantly, it’s about understanding that adding creativity in the bedroom is one of the top three things you can do to stem off your chance of becoming one of the 51% of Canadians that divorce. The other two involve communication without stonewalling or contempt, and enhancing bonds of friendship and similar interests.
But what can you do today to spice up your intimacy? Here is a list of eight suggestions that really work. Pick one and try it this week. Your relationship needs that kind of thought and effort.
1. Have an affair with your partner. Find a motel or hotel that charges by the half day. (Even if they are the kind where you have to pack your own towels) and set up the rendezvous. Or surprise your partner with a lunch date where you can fit in a nooner. Spontaneous sex and different locations are what most people list as memorable when I ask them about the best sex of their lives.

2. Boudoir pictures. Most people (especially men) are stimulated visually. Well done erotic photos pack a huge punch. Either hire a photographer (there are even boudoir groupons) or get a friend to take your photos. Forget the selfies, they never seem to turn out.

3. Have an imaginary threesome. Here are the rules. Each of you picks out an anonymous person. Someone famous or maybe a server at the restaurant you frequent, but nobody you know well. Discuss together in bed what would happen if the three of you were to get together sexually. Next time select a different person.

4. Go through one of the online toy sites together. I like or, as they are both easy to navigate. Find something you both like and order it. The fun can be in the deferred gratification of waiting for the plain, brown package to arrive.

5. Act out a movie scene. Pick a movie that gets your juices racing. 50 Shades of Grey, 9 and ½ weeks or even Pride and Prejudice. Whatever works. You may start giggling but knowing what you like and taking a risk with your sweetie can make it very sexy.

6. Compete with your partner. Pitting yourself against your sweetie can boost your serotonin, attraction and chemistry. Your brain interprets that rush of adrenaline during games as connection to your partner. Anything that boosts your adrenaline bonds you as a couple. Even board games work. You can alter a basic jenga game to have blocks that read things like “kiss your partner on an interesting part of their body…”.

7. Try some light bondage. Use a simple cloth tie or try a pillowcase to immobilize them. Have your partner put their arms behind their back in an empty pillowcase and then lie back on the bed. Their body weight will hold their arms in place and allow them easy escape if desired while you touch them all over.

8. I think those dollar store plastic drop sheets or shower curtains should be in everyone’s toy box. They keep your bed sheets protected while you cover your partner in oil, chocolate sauce, or whipped cream. Use your partner’s body as a base to make a sundae (or any other kind of dessert) as a treat. Then eat the treat without the use of hands.

What is sexually normal?

You can be in a crowded restaurant outlining your average day as a sex therapist when you casually mention the word orgasm, or erection in the context of a clinical discussion, all of a sudden, conversation around you stops and everybody strains to hear more of your sexual talk.  It’s human nature, everyone wants to know if their neighbor, co-worker, or friends are doing it better, hotter, or getting more than they are.


As a therapist I am constantly asked to gauge whether someone’s sexual behaviour falls in the realm of what society dictates is normal.  Most people fall into statistical averages with what’s going on between the sheets, in the car, or on the Mexican tile covering the kitchen floor.  The average Canadian has sex twice a week, except for Newfoundlanders who copulate more frequently and engage in a lot of what’s known as “whitebread” or straight missionary position sex.

Even if people appear to be engaging in some of the weirder aspects of sex that everybody wants to know about who  am I to judge anyway?  Besides you can’t judge a book by its cover, often it’s not the people wearing the chains and black leather that are participating in the more extreme and alternative lifestyles, it’s the girl next door and the distinguished gentleman in the three piece suit.


In Anne Rice’s book Exit to Eden there is a quote which graces the back of my agenda. ”…It’s that nobody has ever been able to convince me that anything sexual between consenting individuals is wrong.  I mean it’s like part of my brain is missing.  Nothing disgusts me.  It all seems innocent, to do with profound sensations, and when people tell me they are offended by things, I just don’t know what they mean.”


I asked her in an interview on a book signing tour at the Chateau Laurier if she had ever been “slammed” for her erotic writing or her open attitudes in expressing such sentiments.  She said “she hadn’t been spared criticism, but personally she had been married and monogamous for decades, and that it was like part of her brain was missing when judging others, and besides, look at how interesting it all is.


Consensual sex by its definition, needs two interested and informed parties.  Sex should never be boring, what’s normal depends on who you’re talking to. I think there are so many people who beat themselves up because they think a lot about sex.  So many people think there is something off simply because they want to try something a little out of the mainstream. I say “if it’s safe and consensual, and you can find a willing partner, knock yourself out”.  The truth is that everyone, and I mean everyone has something private about their sexuality that they think ever so slightly off. It also means that there is no “one size fits all”.  Be gentle with yourself. As the singer Jewel says, “if you could tell the world one thing is that we are all okay.”

Top new ways to keep your relationship “hot”

hot1The Everyone wants to know that they and their partner have an enviable intimate life. At least that you are having better sex than your friends so you can brag about it. If you’ve been in a relationship for a number of years you know that your intimate time can go from “can’t keep your hands off each other” to “hallway sex.” That’s where you pass each other in the hallway and ask “was it good for you?”

I’ve long been preaching out the need to schedule three hours a week for connected, sensuous time for your marriage. study out of the University of California at Berkley suggest that if you can’t give your relationship three uninterrupted hours a week, then it is your marriage that’s on its way to becoming a statistic.
I think it’s more than three hours doing the horizontal mambo with the door locked. I think its trying out creative suggestions to stay connected. That includes playing games, getting your adrenaline up, or a little friendly competition. This means bridge nights with your neighbors, or a game of trivia at the local bar. By competing on the same team, you’ll also improve communication and cooperation, the two behavioral foundations of sexual success.

Secondly, reminding your partner of a time when your sex life was hot and connected. The brain’s internal archivist responds best to strong contextual cues-smells, environments, music, textures, even certain foods-so orient out long-term memories into another night of passion.

Ask what your partner likes in an anonymous way. I love the website It asks you what turns you on and then sends the list to your partner in a discreet email.

Finally, all over touch. Plan in some cuddle time. I know it sounds simple but it’s huge for releasing oxytocin (see above). Physical contact(cuddling!) and muscle massage both unleash oxytocin and relax both partners. I do an exercise of daily, non-genital touch that is one of my most successful shifting exercises in therapy. I have a list of all the new ideas (everything from painting toes to the best places to park). Get in touch with me at and I’ll email you the updated list.

How being masculine and watching sports increases your testosterone levels. Hockey and sex hmmmm.

andersonIt’s hockey playoff time. I have for many years wrote about the sexiness of playoff beards. Everyone has something that makes then catch their breath and bite their tongue. For me it’s burly, sweaty men and facial hair. I like men that look like men. It turns out that there is some physiological reasons for this.

Being hyper masculine, square jawed, broad shouldered, with a 5 O’clock shadow makes men look more virile. Meaning their boys can swim and they make good genetic choices for our ovaries. Those qualities have women thinking about baby-making (or at least practicing) in our primitive or limbic “we want to have monkey sex” brains. The opposite is also true. Feminized women who smell nice, are pink, cute, and sway their hips are also trigger heat from their partners. There is something about playing those exaggerated roles of masculine and feminine that has our primitive brains hard wired for sex.

These behaviours bump up our sex hormones, testosterone and progesterone. This in turn makes us friskier.

It also turns out that watching sports also increases our testosterone. But only if our team wins. This was the abstract of a great study that tested the hormones in saliva during basketball and soccer games. And those guys don’t have playoff beards. Smile. So test my hormones on Friday night when the Ottawa Senators win game 2 of the second round. Maybe that’s why I’m inclined to have halftime or intermission sex.

Basking in reflected glory, in which individuals increase their self-esteem by identifying with successful others, is usually regarded as a cognitive process that can affect behavior. It may also involve physiological processes, including changes in the production of endocrine hormones. The present research involved two studies of changes in testosterone levels among fans watching their favorite sports teams win or lose. In the first study, participants were eight male fans attending a basketball game between traditional college rivals. In the second study, participants were 21 male fans watching a televised World Cup soccer match between traditional international rivals. Participants provided saliva samples for testosterone assay before and after the contest. In both studies, mean testosterone level increased in the fans of winning teams and decreased in the fans of losing teams. These findings suggest that watching one’s heroes win or lose has physiological consequences that extend beyond changes in mood and self-esteem.

It’s Cinco de Mayo. Celebrate your inner Latina and get naked.

cinco1My friend Lynda has a Bastille Day Golf Tournament every July. She isn’t French, she just likes to celebrate holidays from other cultures with great food (she is quite a gourmand) and Bastille Day fell on the right day in July. The winner of our golf tournaments had to show the best demonstration of fashion using the colors of the French Flag. Oh, and the person who collected the most golf balls on the course also got a prize.

I have stolen Lynda’s idea for many a dinner party and regularly choose random cultural events as an excuse for a party. I’ve had an event to celebrate South African Freedom Day (April 21st), The Kiwi Waitangi Day (Feb 6th in New Zealand) which is a good alternative to friends who have a “hurry up Spring Groundhog Day party”.

For the uninformed, today is Cinco de Mayo (the 5th of May) and is the day 155 years ago when a small group of ragtag Mexicans kicked the ass of the French military in The Battle of Puebla. Having been to Mexico many times, I know my Mexican friends share in my philosophy of “any excuse for a good party”. Spif my sweetie was once in Mexicali during the World Cup when the Mexican soccer team soundly defeated the French team (sound familiar?). He said the food gave him Montezuma’s revenge for a week, but it was an unforgettable party with televisions broadcasting the game in the city’s square. He said he had his bottom pinched by Mexican grandmothers, and felt a kinship for all his Mexican amigos.

There is something about the Latin “joie de vivre” (love of life) that you feel irregardless of how much tequila you’ve consumed. Think about charming Mexican waiters who are politely appreciative without seeming creepy, and beautiful girls in peasant blouses. And a not-so-subtle hint that when the sun goes down over the Gulf the amantes (lovers) unabashedly come out to show that Latino’s are deserving of the world’s greatest lovers handle.

So in celebration of our Mexican cousins I encourage you to make some blender drinks, find some latin music on Songza and grab your amante for a little loving. As your neighborhood sex therapist its more than just a good idea. It’s almost patriotic.

New Top 5 surprising things you can do to keep your marriage magic.

Great relationships are a gift to everyone else around them. Magic, connected relationships, are what most married couples are hoping to achieve before we go kicking and screaming into the light. Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman come to mind as one such couple (okay, before he died). Conan O’Brien at this week’s White House correspondence dinner suggested that President and Michelle Obama’s marriage is one to emulate. Even old British rockers seem to make it work. Supermodel Iman says about her long time husband David Bowie “my heart still flutters when he walks in the room”.

So what’s the secret to these kind of relationships? According to the survey out this week in Psychology Today, many marriages simply deteriorate because couples allow their relationships to run on ‘autopilot.” Things get stale, but partners somehow expect expect them to stay healthy and exciting without doing the work to keep them that way..
Here are some of the top 5 things you can do to stay the course and have one of those magic marriages.

Sell yourself and your partner on the relationship.
With very few exceptions, we human beings tend to base our sense of self-worth on the things that are most important to us. It’s common to hear people proudly say, “I’m a manager,” or, “I have a really cool car”. But how often do you hear, “I have the world’s greatest partner? Use your words and tell your partner they mean everything to you.

Communicate with three things:
Eye contact, touch and words of love. Ottawa Psychologist Dr. Martin Rovers says these are the most important things we can do with our partners. They emulate our first memories (parents) who give us eye contact, a loving touch, and tell us they love us.

Be clear about how your partner feels love.
It’s the Love Languages message meaning that some people feel love in a different way that you do. I have a friend who needs a hug to feel love, another who lives for the notes her husband puts in her lunch and I desperately need to be told those three little words in order to feel it.

You can’t fix anyone else.
“The more time you spend trying to change your spouse, the less time you have for improving yourself,”. And as I tell my patients, ” I can’t even manage the fish”. You can’t change anyone else, DO NOT think you can. You can only work on yourself. And its time to work.

Date Nights. It’s time to take your sweetie on a date.
When you’re newly in love and in full courtship mode, you do everything you can to spend every free moment with your partner. Eventually though, work, kids, responsibilities, and life in general tend to get in the way of your relationship with your spouse. The two of you stop doing fun things with only one another, and it’s easy to go weeks at a time without having any serious conversations that don’t revolve around work, money, or kids. That’s why it’s imperative to set aside time to date your spouse. Especially date nights. I have a list of 50 sensuous activities to do on a romantic night. Find them on this site and start implementing one a week.

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