I used to talk to my clients about why being more intimate was good fro your relationship. And obviously that it felt good to do. Now I talk about it related to health. In the last two decades all the research suggests that sex does much more than be a fun, free activity. It is remarkably good for you.
Longevity research has gotten lots of publicity lately with National Geographic funding the “Blue Zone Study” about the places in the world where humans live the longest. The UK has now funded a Ministry of Loneliness after proving that community is one of the main markers for health and long life. Community, sex and having three people you can count on are all markers for living into your ninth decade.
A Harvard University study done in August 2018 identified five key habits that could potentially add a decade to life expectancy, including eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and drinking only moderately. Find out how adding sensuality to your life can have you living longer.
Other suggestions include taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking coffee and a small amount of the locally distilled alcohol, avoid early retirement and don’t act your age.
Finding time to get naked and sexy seems ket. I did an interview this week with Joanne Laucius from Postmedia about sex and older adults.We are still getting it on and finding new ways to connect with sex partners. She raised the question is it the endorphins from sex or is it the fact that we are connecting and being intimate with someone that helped healthy aging? I think it’s both but either way as your friendly, neighborhood Sex Therapist I’m encouraging you to get it on.
Details about the Orgasm Night in O Town! A fundraiser for breast cancer.
Grab your girlfriends and come out, find your sexy self and talk orgasms!
Hosted by Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex Therapist. We will dish out and sample all the new things that can bring you to orgasm. Sue will have the latest tips, techniques and suggestions. Lorrie the chair of our Orlando Ducklings is surviving from breast cancer surgery she has had in 2018. It’s a cause near to our hearts. In fact, right over our hearts.
The evening includes:
-a presentation by Dr. Belanger at Innovo Medical about the Orgasm Enhancing shot and the vaginal tightening laser. How to turn your orgasms up to 11!
-Details about the Zumio- The amazing new toy designed by women and based in Ottawa.
-Corset fittings from the Stag Shop. Find a corset that actually fits! What a concept.
-Make up samples and goodie bags
-Wine, chocolate and strawberries
-The new Vaginal Kung Fu with Tantra Instructor Kerry Lundy
Proceeds to Breast Cancer Foundation
Tuesday June 19 from 6:30 to 8:30
1328 Labrie Ave (Off Cyrville Road) Ottawa
Details at www.sexwithsue.com or at Innovo Medical (613) 749-4668
Cost is $10 at the door. Everyone is welcome.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
2:00 PM to 4:30 PM
The Rosemount Orange Hall
41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON
Our next School of Sex is coming up April 2nd and we want to talk about your behind. Our your partner’s. Or girl’s with strap-on’s. Or prostate stimulation. Or how, why, when, and all the details about oh-so-carefully putting things in your bum.
Delivered by Sue (along with a guest lecturer) if you have interested, scared, unsure, confused, turned-on or the like by anal sex then come out for this month’s latest School of Sex series lecture. This is NOT your parents (or your kid’s) sex ed class.
If you want to de-mystify and learn what’s new with your anus, rectum and other stuff “back there” this is the place. It promises to be an interesting workshop. We will have the usual snacks and a chance to really understand how to include new kinds of stimulation – safely. And like all Duckling events it is fun, social, warm, and inclusive.
Educational, fun and with the essential life experience for anyone who has an ass.
$30 including refreshments. This is an open event so everyone is welcome. Bring a friend and find out all about the Ducklings and our School of Sex series. Click here to find out more and sign up!
You can pay at the door but there are maximums that the room holds so purchasing in advance is strongly encouraged. This is a 2-3 duck event. Educational but sassy.
What are you waiting for? Save the date to Re-ignite You! This event will help you reflect, renew and regenerate your life.
When: November 5, 2016, 9:00 – 4:00 pm
Where: Ottawa Convention and Events Centre, 200 Coventry Road, Ottawa
Join Sandi Sharkey at this event which features four leading Ottawa business women who’ve lived through it all.They will share their expertise and experiences through engaging and interactive sessions that will help you to reach deep within yourself to re-build your confidence, vitality and relationships.
Hear the top Experts;
Judith Cain, National Money Coach, Sue McGarvie, Clinical Sex, Libido and Relationship Therapist, Diane Valiquette, Rebuilding after Separation and Divorce, and Pierrette Raymond, Organization and Life Makeover Specialist. It will be a fabulous day! This is the one day workshop that will get you unstuck!
Relationships and you
Do you know why you do the things you do? Do you know what your patterns
are in relationships, why they exist and how to change the ones that are just not working? It all starts with you! With Diane’s help you will learn why you do the things you do in relationships, why you pick the partners you do,
and how to empower yourself to create the best relationships possible.
Diane Valiquette, Founder and CEO of the Separation and Divorce Resource Centre, has been offering relationship advice for more than a decade. Her no-nonsense approach has made her a sought-after expert in the field of
rebuilding relationships and divorce. The Separation and Divorce Resource Centre, founded in 2004, is the first in
Canada to offer interdisciplinary family-based services to individuals going through the separation and divorce
process. What is unique about the Centre is that it is a one-stop-shop for helping people who are going through
this painful experience in life. It is the only place in Canada that offers every element of the breakdown process,
from family meditation and legal services to financial planning, child and youth services and relationship
Empower your sex life!
Good sex is part of a healthy and abundant life and is an important part of the human condition. Food tastes
better, the sun shines brighter and great sex is the glue that sticks relationships together. Find out how to increase your libido, ignite the passion, and discover your sexy self. We will
explore new models of relationships, learn about the five things you need to understand before meeting a new partner, and make your intimacy magical.
Sue McGarvie is a Clinical Sex and Relationship Therapist with a background in reproductive medicine and
psychology, and has been practicing in Ottawa since 1993. Sue is considered a leading Canadian expert on libido,
hormones and intimate relationships. She has been a talk show host for more than ten years on both television
and radio, and now has a new syndicated feature called Three Minute Therapist. Sue is the author of two books
on relationships and is busy writing a new book called The Suburban Hedonist. She used to discuss contraception
with her audience …now she talks about menopause. Sue McGarvie head’s the Ottawa Libido and Sex Therapy Clinic and has been a regular contributor to MacLean’s, Chatelaine, and Canadian Living. As a sex and relationship therapist Sue has worked with individuals and couples to save marriages, increase intimacy and balance hormones. She lives in Westboro, runs with scissors and has a mild chocolate addiction.
Money –one of the most powerful forces in the world. Do you understand it all? Judith Cane, Canada’s Money Coach does and she’ll share it with you through a dynamic, engaging presentation. Got questions? Ask. Answers? Judith has them. Plain-talking, point-making, educational and entertaining, Judith Cane, will help you to re-ignite your money plans, re-think your spending and make sure you are in charge of your credit and cash flow.
Judith is Canada’s Money Coach and has worked in the financial services industry for more than 27 years. She has
worked with hundreds of clients to create a clear picture of their financial situation, build a realistic spending and savings plan, implement a Get Out of Debt and Stay There strategy and finally help them to achieve their
It has been long understood that as human beings we need to be surrounded by people who like and understand us. We need to be touched, and we need basic human contact. Having a community of people we can count on to have our backs when something goes wrong has been essential for survival. Traditionally it has been our family, extended family and neighbours who have made up our clan. These folks have a common background and can relate to who we are. But it turns out that community is even more than that.
Harvard University has done arguably the longest study on adult development in history. It’s still going strong and there is a great Ted Talk done by psychiatrist Robert Waldinger who is the study’s fourth director. Harvard has spent 75 years asking over 700 men what makes them healthy and happy. Every two years they asked men (aged from their teens right through to their nineties) where they are in their lives and what was important to them. By talking to them and their families, and asking them to share what really mattered, the clearest picture of what they valued throughout their lives has been created. The study went beyond surveys. These men had their brain’s scanned, their blood tested and their medical records examined. After 75 years, they have tens of thousands of data points.
The key message that has come out of this study to date is that good relationships keep us healthier and happier. And good relationships don’t just make us a little more joyous and more likely to age well, but fundamentally improve our health and happiness. “Forget wealth and fame” says Waldinger, “good relationships are what has the most impact on our happiness.” There were three take-aways about relationships that came through in all of this research. As you might assume, social connections are good for us and loneliness kills. People who are connected to family, friends and community live longer and are healthier. Adults who are lonely have a declining brain function, their health starts to decline in midlife, and they live shorter lives. The second important insight is that it doesn’t matter how many people you have around you, it’s the quality of those relationships. Constant conflict is very bad for our health. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships are protective. And relationships can mean a significant partner, groups of partners, communal living, groups of friends etc. It absolutely shows that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. Waldinger stated that“ participants who were the most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80 no matter what their cholesterol numbers or other health markers looked like”. Lastly the study found that good relationships don’t just affect your health, they also affect your brain. If you can count on the people in your life to have your back you are most likely to keep your marbles as you get older. It’s an anti-dementia protocol. The people who fared the best were those who leaned into relationships and found their community.
We are seeing this in action in our community group we started called The Ducklings. A community is any group of individuals connected to each other by like interests. The Ducklings are a local, adult group for people who want date nights and fun, sexy adventures. We think it’s a gathering of new friends that’s a little saucy but warm, friendly and giving. We have been astounded at how fast people have joined. They are signing up in droves looking for a safe group in which to get to know new people. With the Ducklings, the goal is to try and be a little sexy so it’s edgier than a service club like Rotary. But it stays well on this side of socially appropriate and the emphasis is on having a safe environment.
Being a Duckling gives members a chance to try out new, fun activities about town. Initially couples came because they wanted a place to have fun with their own partner without the worry of planning new date ideas. And for singles, it was about getting out with like-minded potential partners. For anyone new to the city they often don’t have any real connections beyond work. And it’s lonely. You go from work to home. Work to the grocery store to home. If you can’t make friends, life gets very narrow. And as the Harvard study has shown, even people with a significant relationship need community. As therapists, we believe that one person can’t meet all your needs and it’s unrealistic to expect them to.
Beyond the healthier and happier reasons that Waldinger and his team has outlined over the last 75 years, what specifically can the Ducklings or other community groups do that is so important? A community of people with the same interests share intimate conversations, social events, and deep relationships. Having a strong network of similar people presents options for a night out. It gives you a friend to call when times are rough or simply someone to laugh-out-loud with on a Friday night.
Your community tells you when something is working – and when something isn’t. Without a community you won’t receive positive feedback or get reined in when a behavior becomes an issue. It is part of the continuing socialization process of fitting in. As human beings, we need a sense of belonging. Community is where we find comfort in difficult times. What’s interesting for us as therapists is that the group becomes bigger than the sum of its parts. Meaning that the group takes on a life of it’s own and connections happen. Life gets better for the members in many ways that wouldn’t have happened without the group existing in the first place.
So the moral is find your people. We invite you to come and be a Duckling (www.wearetheducklings.com). But if we are not your people then find the group that is. Your life will depend on it.
It was the summer of Ashley Madison. You would have had to been on Mars not to have heard about the fallout from the illegal hack to the world’s most notorious infidelity site. All summer I dealt with people worried about being exposed. And with good reason. Emails from blackmailers, talk around the water cooler, investigation from employers, and partners asking to swap phones to search for dubious conversations all created massive stress for anyone who had a profile on the site. Ordinary folk felt very at risk. It certainly caused a number of couples to start conversations about wants and desires. I tell couples that infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship but it certainly is a wake-up call. And it is profoundly betraying and hurtful for the spouse who Melissa Etheridge calls “an unwitting fool”. If you are starting to wonder what else is out there or are actively fantasizing about partners other than your own, then it’s time to up the transparency. Before you cross that cheating line, talking about those feelings can release some steam and cause individuals to really own their desires. As a therapist I help people navigate the gray areas. It’s what Jessica O’Reilly calls “monogamish”. Monogamish is things like upping the sensuality, pretending your waitress will be joining you in bed as a couple, sexy date nights and things like flirty hot tubbing. Safely, openly and holding your partner’s hand allows you to communicate about what you really desire.
But what happens if your partner wants to maintain the status quo? Or isn’t open to new sensuous adventures?
Pulling the covers over your head and hoping your partner’s desires (or your own) will just go away isn’t the solution. That’s what fed the desire to have an affair in the first place. Like with low libido, this doesn’t magically get better. If you think you’ll outgrow it. think again. I regularly speak to men in their late 80’s who still have the desire for daily sex.
Counseling helps. Figuring out why you are blocked sexually is a positive step no matter how you define your relationship. I call it your “sex quotient”. It’s your prude factor. If you are too uncomfortable to safely explore your sexuality with your partner then it’s time to do something about it. Therapy can deal with trauma, guilt, or general uncomfortable feelings about sex. Figure out what turns you on. Sex is a HUGE part of married life. If you aren’t having hot or regular sex, then it’s time to ask yourself (or your partner) why. Transparency about what you really want in bed and a safe place to discuss it is the best way to remain in a committed relationship.
New sex and relationship research and why it is important to your relationship
We see a good amount of movies as a couple. When you preach date nights, you better walk the talk. We try and balance the movies between seeing the new Marvel movies (and the yummy IronMan) and the more romantic date night movies. We take turns picking and while we both like adventure, we’ve been adding more thought provoking romantic flicks to our cinema viewing. It turns out that we are not alone. A recent University of Rochester study found that couples who watched and talked about issues raised in movies like “Steel Magnolias” and “Love Story” were less likely to divorce or separate than couples in a control group. You need to discuss and debate the movie, almost as if it was a book club. Watching relationship movies helps you understand each other’s position on intimate subjects. Surprisingly, the chick-flick movie was as effective at keeping couples together as two visits to your therapist. They won’t put me out of business, but they might work for a couple who only needs a minor “tune up”.
Other interesting new research that may be impacting your intimate life is the proof that too much light in your bedroom negatively affects your sexual desire and fertility. Women used to menstruate during the new moon (when it’s dark at night) and ovulate during a full moon (when it’s light). Now with late night television, phone and computer screens constantly giving off light, our fertility –and desire can get out of whack. Be aware of your bedroom lighting. Darkness is better for hiding stretchmarks, and it’s also better for revving up your internal engines. And get the television out of there. The blue light the TV transmits makes you less receptive to an under the covers encounter.
And it’s not just light. It also turns out that bedroom temperature can impact both men and women’s ability to achieve orgasm. For men, if it’s too hot their ability to ejaculate diminishes. For women, it’s having cold feet. Literally. During the study of orgasms at the University of Groningen, only 50% of women could climax when they were chilly. When you made them more comfortable with warm socks and blankets the climax rate increased to 80%.
Another thing that impacts your sexual responsiveness is too much bike riding, especially with low handlebars. We’ve long known that those bike seats were terrible for male fertility, and diminished erections. But now the study from Texas A&M shows that “women who ride a racing-style bike with handlebars lower than the saddle for more than 10 miles weekly incur a loss of feeling in their genitals.”
An important safety tip to keep your sexual responsiveness up is to pay even closer attention to oral hygiene. Yes you are more likely to get kissed. But it can also affect both your orgasms and your partners erections. I know, I was surprised too.
Unflossed gums harbor bacteria that can enter the bloodstream. This clogs blood vessels, which in turn reduces the blood supply to your squishy parts. So people with gum disease are more likely to have diminished orgasms. And for men, neglected dental care can lead to a threefold increase in erectile dysfunction. It’s an excellent reason to keep the bathroom stocked with dental floss.
Finally, it turns out that all those high-arched Jimmy Choo’s can negatively affect a woman’s orgasm. Certain high heels that create an artificially heightened arch in the foot make orgasms more difficult. The heels create a contraction in the pelvic floor, which is problematic because the pelvic floor then cannot contract further during orgasm. Who knew that the arch in women’s feet contract during orgasm?
So wear lower heels, get the TV out of the bedroom, take in a chick flick with your sweetie, and remember to floss. It may be what you need to do to have a fabulous sex life this month.
I think every University psychology student wants to study sex. It’s on their minds (constantly) and like anyone who is newly sexual, they think they have discovered how cool sex can be. But the truth is that there is very little new in sex. No new parts, no new names for sexual responses and very few true innovations in the world of sex toys. Sure there are 400 different varieties but they all basically either insert or vibrate in different colors. For men, sex toys are a variation on a tube and a hole.
But sometimes with all of those psychology and med students looking into how we respond between our knees and our waists there are occasionally new insights. Here are some of the results that may impact how we reproduce. Or at least try to.
1. How much light there is in your bedroom affects your sexual desire and fertility.
Women used to menstruate during the new moon (when it’s dark at night) and ovulate during a full moon (when it’s light). Now with late night television, and phone and computer screens constantly giving off light, our fertility –and desire can get out of whack. Be aware of your bedroom lighting. And get the television out of there. There is actually proof now that the light affects your sex life.
2. And now we have a new STI to be worried about.
It turns out Ebola can be transmitted sexually. Even up to three months after a patient has recovered. Now we need our own check lists for people who have visited East Africa.
3. Women can get pregnant five to eight days after having sex
Studies have shown that some sperm can live in the cervical mucus crypt before the egg is actually fertilized for anywhere from five to eight days after sex. It used to be that women could only get pregnant on the day of ovulation and had to be concerned the four preceding days as well, as sperm can live in the fallopian tubes that long. Now it turns out that the sperm is in storage much longer until the optimum fertilization time.
4. Wearing high heels can negatively affect a woman’s orgasm
There are shoes that create a heightened arch in the foot. The heels create a contraction in the pelvic floor, which is problematic because the pelvic floor then cannot contract further during orgasm. Who knew that the arch in women’s feet contract during orgasm?
5. Orgasms can make women more creative
Studies have shown that orgasms can make women more confident, productive and creative. And it’s a feedback loop—women achieve fuller orgasms when they are being creative.
6. Women have three erogenous zones
The clitoris, the G Spot, AND around the opening of the cervix which is sometimes called the X spot. Some argue nipples belong on that list too.
7. Nerve endings are distributed differently in every woman’s vagina
Like a snowflake, each woman is unique in that her nerve endings are distributed in her genitalia differently than anyone else. That means every woman needs to employ slightly different methods to achieve orgasm.
8. Another reason to drink more water. Being well hydrated leads to better orgasms
Because the body is mostly fluid, being hydrated enhances people’s ability to achieve orgasm.
9. Most woman can achieve orgasm
Almost no woman was born unable to achieve an orgasm. “Women have the innate machinery programmed to have orgasms,” “But not everybody learns how to use that machinery well.”
It’s called busy brain syndrome. It’s when your mind runs a constant dialogue in your head. You know what I mean. It’s when the list of sixty-three things that you have to do is swirling around and you start obsessing while you may be trying to unplug. When it happens, you can’t ignore your action items and focus on living in the moment. It’s a huge issue I see with women sexually. In fact it’s a recurring theme among the smart, successful, and very busy women I see in my practice. These are women who spend their days checking things off their extensive to do lists. Slowing down the thinking to allow your body to catch up and sexual desire to begin to build becomes a real challenge. If you are finding yourself needing more than one glass of wine to relax for sex or find it difficult to switch gears and be intimate then you may need to learn some specific techniques that help you gear up your sexy self.
If you are busy thinking about your grocery list or pondering “beige, I can paint the ceiling beige” when your partner is spending time between your legs then it’s time to hear about sexual mindfulness. Women seem to be much more easily distracted during sex. Maybe it’s those Mommy ears, or an anxiety that someone or something may interrupt. The women I speak to wonder if there is something wrong with them. ‘Why am I thinking about that? Why am I not able to focus?'” Are you asking yourself what you can you do to stay present in the moment?
I hear from many women who feel that sex is a chore. The average Canadian couple has sex at 10:34pm. Sex is apparently something that is supposed to happen at the end of an exhausting day when couples finally manage to fall into bed. Many men have no trouble putting sex first. They tell me that everything -Christmas, field trip forms, even food are not as important as finding time to get naked together. You may have a partner for whom sex is a priority and you feel guilty for not being as into it as you think you should be. If a quality relationship is one of the most important things in our lives then why are we having so much trouble shelving the list of stuff we need to do and jumping our sweetie’s bones?
So besides exhaustion and a head full of tasks, what are some of the other things that block your body’s sexual response? Many women describe the “one moment”. The moment is when they know exactly how the sexual experience will play out before it happens – good, bad or in between. Whether the sex has a déjà vu feeling or that their partner’s techniques are repetitive, women from THAT moment onward are simply going through the motions. If women have this feeling that an orgasm won’t happen, or that their bodies are simply not going to respond they tend to check out and start thinking about other things.
What can you do to put yourself into the mood for sex? How can you get your head in the game?
I like anchoring techniques. Anchoring is the technique where you systematically put yourself in the frame of mind by remembering a time when you were feeling happy and sexy. Then you “pin” that feeling to a physical spot on your body. Snap or squeeze two of your fingers repeatedly when you are in a sexy mood. Do it again and again with emphasis and any time you squeeze your fingers again you start to immediately feel happy and sexy. You can learn to quickly bring yourself back to that mood – even if you are commencing from a cold start. Remember a time when you were turned on. Make it vivid, like a colourful movie. When you start smiling or twitching form the memory then anchor it.
I’ll also suggest a hypnotherapy tape. All hypnosis (in my opinion) is a way to access our subconscious mind and try and change that tape in our heads. I’ll help clients with messages like “I love sex with my partner”, “I feel sexy”, “I am able to calm myself and get into sex” and other scripts that specifically reflect the positive message you are trying to tell yourself. I regularly use my phone to make positive audio messages about whatever self-improvement I am working on personally.
I have one client who swears by the mind calming technique of mindful relaxation. This technique involves naming objects and cities before she gets into bed with her husband. Other women like journaling, or use rituals like a bath, candles or a massage to help them switch gears. Writing down the list of busy thoughts before heading to the bedroom can be calming. And you know that you haven’t forgotten anything so you can allow yourself to take a sex hiatus. I also suggest unplugging at least once a day. I find my anxiety can ratchet up (and my sexual desire diminish) if I am too connected to my phone.
Finally try Eckhart Tolle’s Practice of Present Moment Awareness. He suggests three steps.
Become conscious of your breathing. Don’t try to control it, just place your attention on it. Dan Harris in his great book 10% Happier calls it “getting behind the waterfall of emotion”. When you place your attention on your breath, you are no longer occupied in the mind and you become aware of the present moment. The bottom line is to drag your attention away from the mind and place it in the moment you want to be in. For this exercise it is being present sexually and noticing what that feels like. Try it. It gets easier and the result in increased orgasms and more enthusiasm for sex speaks for itself.
How will you know when you’ve discovered a genuine romance that will go the distance? Does it even exist? Provided that this is possible, how would you go about discovering it? Some are sufficiently fortunate to have it. They met in High school and lived happily ever after. Many aren’t as lucky. On the off chance that you are one who hasn’t, or isn’t certain, there are a couple of pointers that can help you begin discovering intimate romance!
Finding love would be so much less stressful if there was a manual out there disclosing precisely where to discover it. Lamentably, we don’t have such a book. What’s more, to exacerbate matters, sentimental people let us know it still exists once we have already lost hope.
So where do we search for genuine, long-term romance?
In today’s reality, we have a bunch of choices: web dating, speed dating, singles or Duckling meet-ups (www.sexwithsue.com/duckling-events), bars, parties, service groups, classes, stores, libraries, and many more day to day encounters. Yet, with these choices, large portions of us are still searching for that intimate romance.
Consequently what are the steps to find a great love? Besides getting a great dating picture, and telling your friends you are open to introductions you need to get the internal stuff ready. Here are some of the things we discuss during our workshops about intimacy that might benefit you this spring. (www.sexwithsue.com/workshops).
As cheesy as it may sound, the first step to discovering intimate romance is to cherish yourself. Take pride in your achievements! Take pride in your appearance. Create hobbies and pastimes. These are the sorts of things that make you a balanced, confident individual. Furthermore, gentlemen find confident interesting women hot! Also a date with many interests is fun and fascinating to be around. There is a great book for women by Sherry Argrov about “Why Men Love Bitches”. The male equivalent literature discusses women’s desire for Bad Boys. In either case, the opposite sex is most attracted to partners with confidence, and sex appeal.
Realize what you need
We all have our benchmarks. Try not to permit yourself to settle for less. Don’t settle short of what you need and merit. This would just subtract from your own achievements and hobbies. Verify that you comprehend what you need, as well as verify you set those guidelines sufficiently high. Somebody may appear like an awesome gentleman, yet in the event that he can’t furnish you with the adoring relationship you merit, why might you settle for this? You deserve to be loved and cherished. Be clear, market well, and understand that your life partner may be in a different package. But being treated well is mandatory for a long-term connected relationship.
Don’t give up. I have lots of clients who have been searching the free sites (craig’s list, okcupid, and pof.com) to no avail. If it’s not working, change something up (try one of the paid sites for serious searchers), get a new picture, have a friend edit your ad, or try one of the local meet-ups. Anything but staying at home and bingeing on Ben and Jerry’s. Love takes work but it’s worth looking for.
What’s more, at long lasting, genuine romance obliges that both partners give of themselves. One of the five keys of couples that make it is an ability to put the other person first. This isn’t being a doormat. But it is being willing to bend, be flexible and work with someone. Rigid isn’t attractive. My husband and I talk about being “fair, firm, kind, and consistent” in our courses. We also talk about being generous of spirit. Kindness matters.
So if you think you’ve tried these ideas and are still stuck then reach out to us. As a couple we work with people to find both hot, wild, monkey sex, and an amazing relationship. It’s stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. Life is short. Love is important. Don’t miss out. There is a great love waiting for you too.