Category: Body Image

Huge Erotic Art Exhibit with over 200 pieces of nudes, sensuous and sassy art! September 29, 30th 2017

The idea started because we couldn’t find any galleries that carried classy erotic art for our office. It’s evolved to be the perfect date night activity. A Friday/Saturday pop-up erotic art exhibit with over 200 pieces of art. Wine bar, chocolate samples, music, and a chance to get your picture taken as a couple. Most of the artists will be in attendance and you can appreciate the human form portrayed by the best visual artists around.Tell your friends and co-workers to come see the art. There has never been so many pieces of erotic art in one place in the city’s history. It will be a perfect date night and girl’s night out.

For Ducklings there will be a private VIP section with nude art models along with a chance to paint them on the Saturday evening. Really. There will be body painting, learn-how-to-draw nudes (with a bunch of models), chocolate, an erotic food tasting off a naked body, body part casting, an “ass-print collage” and so much more! Anyone can come to the art show but after 7 pm on Saturday night you have to be a Duckling to attend!

The schedule includes a live body casting of strategic squishy parts. A “feel and identify” human sculptures, a body painting of nude models, an artist teaching how to draw nude models in different mediums, erotic edibles (eating off a naked body), music and food. It’s going to be unique and we’ve been planning this for months.

The art show runs Friday evening along with Saturday afternoon 2 to 7 pm if you can’t make it Saturday night and just want to see the art. It’s a great date night with food and drinks available. Then we will dance like nobody is watching, drink beverages, and use a variety of different mediums to create our own erotic masterpieces.

We will create a collective Duckling portrait and eat foods that double as aphrodisiacs.

We have been working on this event for close to a year!

We event have our own website and facebook page! See the gorgeous website here

Get your Saturday (7-11 pm) Duckling-only VIP tickets below!.

Friday September 29, 2017 – 6 pm to 9 pm $10 admission and everyone is welcome.

Saturday, September 30, 2017 – 2 pm to 7 pm $10 admission all are welcome

Saturday 7 pm to 11 pm VIP Party – body painting, paint night, chocolate fondue dance party plus meet some of the artists!
(must be a paid Duckling member to attend – membership can be purchased at the event or online here)

Collabspace – 70 Bongard Ave

$10 at the door (cash only) for the public events Friday evening and Saturday afternoon
$25 online (coming soon) or at the door for the VIP event Saturday night
(includes entrance to the art show)

Email us at

Presented to you by Sex With Sue and We are the Ducklings $30

Fear of Dating – a Man’s “Little Secret”

This is a guest post first published June 10, 2016 – Thanks CL.

penissizeThis is the first part of a two-part series. It’s a story that needs to be told. In 2010, I’d noticed a disturbing pattern. Young men and teenage boys posted with excessive frequency on Q&A and anonymous exchange websites questions and comments indicating that penis-size insecurities were occupying inordinate amounts of their attention and mental energy, and that they allowed this persistent insecurity to rule their lives. These guys weren’t victims of Nature’s cruel shafting. For the most part, they were victims of their own fear and insecurity.

Mark Twain said: “I’m an old man, and I’ve known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened.” We concoct all kinds of terrible situations in our minds, and most of them never come to pass. Certainly, fear holding us back from taking life-and-death risks is useful to our survival. However, regret for holding back and not fully living life is far more painful and it lasts much longer than rejection.

Most of what’s wrong in the world I either don’t understand much about or I’m not in a position to do anything about it. This wasn’t one of those things. I understand fully. I’m now a middle-aged man. I’ve known since early childhood that my penis was unusually small. It still is. I entered the world of flirting, dating, sexual relationships, marriage, and I live today with a micropenis. That’s a medical term indicating only extremely small size, comprising the bottom one-half of one percent of the population with respect to size indicated by stretched or erect length. It indicates nothing about related malformations or functionality, and many of us have no other malformations and are completely functional, just small.

We could leave men with small penises to wallow in self-pity or self-doubt, tell them to just get over it, or assure them that size doesn’t matter. It’s a surprisingly persistent and longstanding insecurity for many, and that doesn’t just mean for men who are noticeably small. Penis-size insecurity is common among men who are average or above-average in size, and a mental health condition known as “small penis syndrome” is used to describe those for whom this insecurity affects their daily activities and lives in negative ways. There are aspects of dysmorphia for those who believe their genitals to be smaller than they really are, but a more general application to those preoccupied with negative thoughts about their penises standing in the way of the enjoyment of life.
This first article addresses getting over the hurdle of beginning to date, getting over the fear of that “little secret” being shared. The article that follows will highlight my progression to being able to use the unusual fact of the size of my penis as an erotic accelerant – to sexualize those old fears and insecurities and to use them to my advantage and to use them for mutual advantage and pleasure in sexual union.

I decided to write about this subject for the first time in 2010, because it was my belief that men, and particularly teenage boys, worried that their penises are too small should redirect that energy and effort to making themselves into the best people they can be and into making the world a better place for others. I still have that belief. My reason for offering this writing today is learning recently that some men refrain from dating or romantic relationships until they are now in their 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond solely because of fear of humiliation or disappointing a partner in sex, because of a controlling fear that they’re unlovable and incapable of love, solely because they have small penises. Honestly, I find this shocking
“Why is it so small?”

If a man with a small penis can’t bear to hear a question like this, and if he could never bring himself to acknowledge that his penis is indeed small, let alone to disclose the fact before he and a partner are ripping each other’s clothes in the heat of passion for the first time, then he probably shouldn’t date.
At the same time, if he has no interest in a long-term relationship or having children, then perhaps dating isn’t for him either, regardless of penis size. It may be that the whole concept of dating is becoming irrelevant in a world of hanging out, sexting, and hooking up. Nevertheless, dating and marriage still exist, and they’re my points of view and reference. Arranged marriage is a whole other story, but it remains common in much of the world today; it’s part of my own family history; and men whose families will arrange marriages for them are no less concerned about penis size and pleasing a wife than are those of us for whom dating and mutual selection is the pathway to establishing long-term relationships. I’ll touch on arranged marriages perhaps in a later posting. I’ve received several messages from men who have read things I’ve written and contacted me about their own penis-size insecurities as their families are arranging marriages for them, or will be within a few years.
I’ve been asked the question: “Why is it so small?” more than once, with the same look of concern or disappointment and the same tone of voice, at this unexpected turn of events. It’s as if the present was unwrapped and found not to be what was on the wish list or even on the list of possibilities. Initially, I didn’t know how to respond. With time, I learned this and more.

Afraid of Being Dumped
If a man can’t bear the thought of being dumped for incompatibility in bed, in general, or because his penis is too small, in particular, then he probably shouldn’t date. One recent well-conducted study on women’s penis-size preferences included this finding: about one third of women who participated in the study had ended a relationship principally because their male partner’s penis size didn’t meet their expectations and preferences. This wasn’t only a matter of them being considered to be too small, but that was the reason three times as often as them being too large.
As one acquaintance said to me a few years ago, people get dumped for all kinds of reasons – too fat, too thin, too poor, or no sense of humor. Whether a rejection for penis size is superficial and shallow isn’t worth exploring. The broader issue is whether sex is enjoyable, and we like what we like. Most guys can understand how bad breath, a comb-over attempt to hid a bald head, or a large belly would be a turn-off. The only difference is that this one’s totally outside one’s control, but romantic sparks are rarely mutual and equal between two people. That’s life. Two much larger turn-offs identified by women in surveys are rudeness and dishonesty, and those are totally within our control.
I’ve been dumped because of it, more than once, and I didn’t mind one bit. I begrudge no one following her own desires and preferences.
We smaller guys also ought to think about what we’re doing in this world. One woman I dated told me that the sex would never work because she “doesn’t do well with small penises.” There wasn’t going to be another date between us. One former guy she’d dated had become angry when his small penis wasn’t pleasurable in vaginal penetrative intercourse. She’d asked him to change positions to try something to produce more stimulation and sensation, and he’d become angry and accused her of having an excessively large vagina. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but because of the way he’d treated her, that door was closed to me. I can’t blame her.
“Wait Until the Girls Hear about This!”

If a guy would find it soul-crushing to have an ex-girlfriend tell others, such as her girlfriends over drinks after a hard week of work, that he has an unusually small penis, then he should never get naked with a woman, and probably shouldn’t date. People tell stories about what’s unusual, and a man jumping into bed with her with a two-inch erection is likely something that’s going to get mentioned. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We tell stories about the events and experiences in our lives that are unusual. That’s what makes them interesting to others. Especially when alcohol is involved, people disclose personal details of their lives. There’s nothing wrong with that either, assuming you aren’t at a work gathering or having your church’s pastor over for dinner.
Instead of worrying that she’ll “out” you for having a small penis, make sure that you’ve behaved in such a way that she’ll also says that you’re a great guy in addition to disclosing your “little secret.” This also highlights a very good rule: never date co-workers or anyone else in a situation that will affect the important parts of your life in a negative way after a breakup. The simple fact is that all relationships have a beginning, and that almost all have an ending.

How Small is Small?
This is a matter of individual judgment and preference. It also isn’t very scientific. The most common measurement is erect length. The penis is, of course, three dimensional and irregularly shaped. The only true size is expressed in cubic inches or cubic centimeters, but almost no one does it that way. With a mop and a helper and some basic kitchen articles, one could do a water displacement test, and that might be fun, but also unnecessary, and you wouldn’t have anything to compare the result to. Even with regard to erect length or circumference, people argue about how to measure. It gets very silly very quickly.
I consider there to be a normal range, and anything outside that normal range to be either large or small. Adult male penis sizes follow a bell-shaped distribution when graphed, as almost any other measurable human attribute does, with the vast majority close to the average in the middle. In general, I’d say that one 4.5 inches (11.4 cm) or less in erect length is noticeably small, and one 7 inches (17.8 cm) or longer is noticeably large.
A couple of recent well-conducted studies have independently found the average erect length to be 5.2 inches (13.2 cm). That’s generally consistent with past findings, in less-well-conducted studies.
One psychologist and sex therapist based in Los Angeles, California, has put it as simply as possible: “Average length is 5.2 inches; if yours is shorter than that, then you have a small penis.” I’ll add that, similarly, then if yours is that length or longer, then you’re average or above, and you should absolutely try to banish negative thoughts about size. Hell, having an exceptionally small one like mine doesn’t have to come with negative thoughts, but it’s easier said than done. It took me almost four decades to get over it.

To Disclose or Not to Disclose
Recent surveys and studies of women’s preferences have found that women prefer men with larger penises for adventurous sex, such as one-nighters, than they prefer for long-term romantic partners. The focus of this posting is dating, so I’ll mention disclosure in the context of dating. My own experience has been, through trial and experience, that it’s important for a man to disclose the fact of a significantly small penis before having sex for the first time. That’s a tricky business, fraught with pitfalls.
It can come off as an accusation that she’s shallow or superficial, and it may end a relationship not because his penis is small but because he’s blunt, crude, and thinks badly of her.
It can come off as a suggestion that she’s about to jump him right then and there, and that can also be quite bad depending on the circumstances. Even if she is thinking about having sex and wondering what she’ll find down there, that doesn’t mean she wants to hear him say that. Women are much less cock-centric then men are, and there is definitely some curiosity about unwrapping that package for the first time, but not nearly as much as a guy thinks. If sex is imminent, she’s likely also thinking about her own insecurities, and his killing the moment with a badly-delivered or badly-timed comment about the size of his penis may also kill a budding relationship.
If the goal is to explore common ground and romantic interest with a long-term relationship in mind, then my recommendation is not to mention it on the first date (probably not the second either) and not to have sex as part of those early dates.
How to Disclose
Unless she brings up in conversation the subject of penis size, and it’s highly unlikely that she will, the best disclosure is without using words. Include a swim in an early date. If there’s a mutual romantic spark, they’ll both be checking-out each other’s bodies, and wet swim shorts don’t tell the whole story, but she’ll definitely learn whether his flaccid penis is large, small, or in between. A swim is also a likely situation for two people to explore each other’s bodies with their hands more than otherwise. If she should reach for it, she’ll know.
There are lots of ways to do this. Just keep in mind that having a man lean over and whisper in her ear: “I have a small penis” may intrigue and arouse her, but that’s highly unlikely. It’s only experience and knowledge of the other person that will determine (still uncertainly) when the time is right and how to do it.

Young Love
I wrote originally here that I found it disappointing that so many teenage boys and young men are so preoccupied with this. I was young once, of course, and I began dating at age 16. However, there were no nude selfies (boot-size mobile phones were still almost decade away), and people dated. I don’t claim to know much about popular culture and youthful communication today. I dated. I never hung out and hooked up. However, we haven’t changed as human beings all that much, and I hope that guys under 40 will find something of worth in this.

Is This about Dating or about Sex?
Well, if a guy enjoys the company of women and doesn’t want to have sex with them, or would never act on an impulse like that because of the situation (such as that she’s a co-worker, his best friend’s girlfriend, a first cousin, or a near infinite number of other reasons), then nothing in this posting applies.
I’m considering dating as a romantic activity and part of potential partner selection. The dictionary defines a date simply as an agreement for a man and a woman to meet at a certain time and place. I’m not writing here about a business meeting between a boss and a subordinate. I’m writing about situations in which sex isn’t out of the question. If sex is off the table, then penis size matters not one little bit, and it’s never going to be an issue.
If we’re talking about romantic dating, then size likely does matter. It matters in ways that one can learn only from living the experience, because it’s highly individual. My recommendation is for a guy to expect that it matters at least somewhat for sex, and having a significantly small penis is less than idea. He has to accept that without anger, without shame, and without bringing any penis-size preoccupation that he has into the bedroom. I can say with certainty that a man being angry, defensive, or paralyzed by fear because he has a small penis is going to be far more unattractive than the simple fact of his size.

In Closing
I once looked Heavenward, shook my fist, and yelled: “Hey, you missed a spot down here!” I heard no reply, but in time I learned that the answer was that the small penis between my legs was a great gift and that I was supposed to go have some fun with it and enjoy life, without hurting anyone. It’s been a very enjoyable life.

Next boudoir date. June 16, 2017. Look back at your hot self when you are 80!

boudoir lisa-marie1

Friday, June 16 from 2 to 10 pm
Boudoir Photography and party with champagne, great food, friends, chocolate and sexy pictures!

We love doing boudoir. It’s becomes magical. Women feeling beautiful, empowered and we watch them find their authentic sex selves. Anyone who has done them raves about them. We get top, professional makeup application Klava blows everyone away with her art and skill). Sophie and Mike are leading couple’s photographers who regularly charges over $1500 for their shoots) will be doing this to give you the pictures of a lifetime. Usually a $2000 shoot all in. By turning it into a party (with economies of scale) we can do the event for $150 per person/couple.

Look back on yourself when you are 80 and see how hot you really were! Do it for yourself, to torment the guys who might possibly see them with your beauty or give it as a for-his-eyes-only gift. Sexy couple photos are also welcome if you would prefer to do them together.

Mimosa’s, (champagne and orange juice) chocolate, and the sexiest photos you can imagine! It’s safe, discreet, private, and super fun!

Women or couples, it’s sensuous (but safe), erotic and fun. Participants can wear whatever they would like (bring it with you) and you have time for one change of outfits. You have a private area for photo’s and it’s all relaxed and discreet. Professional makeup artist Klava will be there to transform you. You need to have your own hair done when you arrive. It all happens at 172 Dublin Street, Gatineau. Pictures, food, and community!

Bring something yummy to share and I’ll make up pitchers of our trademarked sangria and mimosa’s. We have limited room for photos so it is a first come first serve. Cost is $150 which includes makeup, photo shoot, and two photographs. You may purchase the library of other shots (the ones where you aren’t blinking) directly from the photographer for an additional fee.

Given that there are upfront expenses, you need to pay in advance here, or commit to paying in cash and NOT BAILING! Given that we have to commit to the photographer and makeup, we need 10 days notice to cancel once you commit or you will be billed for missing the event.

Read about past boudoir reviews here!

Every woman needs a picture where they look and feel truly beautiful. And every couple needs to have sexy shots together!

No matter your age, size or ability.

If you want one of those shots you can look at when you are 80, still hot for each other and goosing each other around the anniversary cake then this is the day for you. Think relaxed, loving, elegant with Ottawa’s premier boudoir photographer. If you’ve never had a sensuous photo of you and your sweetie taken, give it some thought. It’s unbelievably intimate and you can look back on yourself as the hot hot couple or have something to embarrass your kids with. We provide professional make up application, martini’s and fantastic food samplings along with a romance picture that will last a lifetime. All for the insanely low price of $140!!! You get private time with the photographer in any outfit and any poses that makes you feel sexy and comfortable.

You bring whatever outfits you want to wear. Or have it clothing optional. It can be anything you feel sexy in. I’ve taken my picture in nothing but a Sens jersey. Smile. We also share food so bring a dish of munchies to pass around.

Space is limited and I’ll pass out appointment times. Affordable, fun, and gentle. I guarantee it will be your sweetie’s favourite photo and you’ll look at it together over and over again. Send me an email to if you are interested in participating.
Price is $150 (either cash in person with a firm commitment, or below) and includes make up, drinks and lots of fun stuff.

Read some testimonials!

I suggest this for everyone. It’s a lot of fun, and very affordable for those on a budget! Leila

Hi Sue,

I wanted to write and let you know how much I enjoyed Sunday. It was a fabulous opportunity to have photos taken, and I was delighted to participate.

But more, you gathered a wonderful community of women, and it was so good to be part of it. Circles of women are so important- to be in a group that is multi-generational, and supportive, and have the opportunity to visit, and share and just be, is priceless.

Thank you for creating such a welcoming and open space- the location was wonderful, and I appreciated the well-orchestrated and low-key event. It was easy to relax and lovely to have the space and quiet to actually visit with people and get a sense of who they were.

And oh my, I can’t wait for the pictures!


Sue invited me, to her Boudoir shoot (just in time for the holidays – great gift for hubby) and with slight hesitation jumped at the opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and into my birthday suit! Literally.
Met several like-minded beauties over hors d’ouvers and a few bevvies. Make up was beautifully done and then: Lights. Camera. Action! Nicole is a wonderful photographer who was easy to work with and made me feel at ease!
Cheers to you Sue – the effervescent hostess. What a great way to spend a few hours. Looking forward to seeing my husbands face when he opens up his ‘special gift’! xo

Thanks again!

I’m so happy with how these turned out. Lisa did an awesome job of capturing the good bits and leaving out the ones I wasn’t too keen on. Love the way I look in them.Thanks again for organizing.

“To everyone involved in the photoshoot – to Sue for organizing and so much more, to Annie for the excellent makeup and to Lisa Marie for the superb photos. I had a fabulous day and enjoyed every minute of my shoot. I was a tad nervous as never having done this before but I am glad I did. I would highly recommend doing this type of session to anyone that is looking for that extra little ego boost and even if you are not. It does the spirit good!

I found myself looking at the photos over and over as you all helped in bringing out a side that I never saw in myself before. I thank you all for this.”

Hi Sue , thank you so much for inviting me to the shoot today! It was really nice meeting the other ladies. The food was really delicious. The make up artist was very thorough and sweet and professional, very impressed! The photographers were fantastic, they really knew what to suggest for poses, and they were fun, relaxed and worked together smoothly. I can’t wait to see my photos and everyone else’s, let me know what’s involved in seeing them? All the woman will be so happy too, you really put up a great afternoon for us, we really appreciated the work and time it took to pull out all the stops, you rock girl! Have a super work week, let’s keep in touch and will hear from you when you know how we can get our photos.
FP in Ottawa

What a great day! Thanks for making me feel so comfortable. I can’t wait to see the pics from yesterday now! She said 2 to 3 weeks – but what was the deal with her in terms of what we get to have? I’m curious to see all of them lol – but I trust she will select the best shots to share with us.

Thank you so much! I had an absolutely amazing day yesterday. So many terrific women, all so supportive of the adventure!

I have to say that I left your house feeling like I could take on anything–My husband thinks I was at the best baby shower ever!

I cannot wait to see the photos–I’ll share some with you!

Have an incredible week–thanks again,

Hi Sue – I just wanted to share the pictures I got – I am so so happy – the one of me lying down – my FAV!!!

I am definitely getting the disk now – even accepting my ‘curvier’ look in the black outfit.

Thank you soooo much for organizing it, hosting it and for BEING YOU!


Hi Sue!

I’ve received a few of my photos and wanted to share.

Thanks so much for the day–one of the best things I’ve ever done.

The photographer has been awesome!

One photo here, another couple on the way!

Let me know what you think!

Take care,

Hi Sue,

I want to say a big thank you for a mega fun afternoon! I met some wonderful ladies in which we were all there for the same reason – to feel better about ourselves and acknowledge that through great photos!! This was my second boudoir experience, but this type of setting was more relaxed and fun then being in a studio! I sooooo can’t wait to see my photos! A BIG thank you to Annie for your fabulous makeup and to Jennifer for making me feel comfortable and sexy! I’m sure that will be reflected in my photos. And thank you to Sue for your hospitality. I had so much fun!!!

Hi Sue,
Thank you so much for the opportunity to do the boudoir photo shoot. It was a great afternoon. The company was great, as was the food and drink. It felt so decadent to have Annie do my make-up for me. The photo shoot was fantastic! I had been a little anxious as it was my first time but Jen’s calm professional manner put me at ease. She had ideas and was happy to accommodate my ideas as well. The photos were fantastic! I looked beautiful, strong, and sexy- what more can anyone ask for? I wasn’t the only one to appreciate them.  I would recommend this opportunity to any woman; it’s worth it! Thank you!!

Body Image, Hormones and Boudoir

body image 88As someone who has had more than her share of weight and body image challenges (I have lost over 180 pounds at one time) I continue to research the correlation between hormones, libido and body image as one of the major focuses of my practice. The need to come to terms with the body you have and be gentle with it is something I preach with clients. It’s hard to feel sexy when you are beating yourself up. So a few times a year I host a body image group that ends in a boudoir shoot. With lots of champagne and chocolate. So we have a group starting Tuesday June 14th from 7 to 9:45pm. If you are struggling with weight, body image, hormones and feeling sexy then come join us for three weeks of the best speakers in the city on finding your sexy self.

Small group to kick those crazy messages about your negative body image to the curb for good! Free with your extended health benefits. A boudoir session (with a seriously discounted price) will happen at the end of the workshop so you can find your sexy self.

I believe that all women have body image issues. It’s an issue I see coming up again and again with women in therapy. I see women who have been married for years, have children whose husbands have never seen them naked. I see women who hate their bodies despite having a body I wish I had. I see women for whom food is still the enemy. And ones who think they are too fat to have sex.

There is such a need to re-claim our bodies, start seeing our toes again, and feel sexy in the process that I am starting a women-only 2 hour weekly group starting Tuesday, June 14th 2016 for 3 weeks. It’s going to be small, proactive, and empowering. Think cutting edge information on hormones, weight, and nutrition. Its about learning to love yourself and find your sexy self in the process. The previous groups become have been magic. We connect, we get to the root of these very chewy issues, and we reclaim our intimacy. Amazing speakers, a tremendous amount of material, and a whole new you before the holiday food frenzy begins. Space is very limited. Send me an email now at if you’re interested in yourself again.

Balance your hormones, get support and lose weight.
A new women-only support and information workshop that will offer up new solutions and creative ways to connect hosted by Sexuality and Relationship Therapist Sue McGarvie.

The 3 week Workgroup starts Tuesday, June 14th, 2016 for women who want to gain confidence explore sexuality and body image issues and meet like-minded friends.

Is your sexuality diminished because of body-image issues? Well, for many people, its hormonal imbalances that are causing the weight gain. Any woman who has craved chocolate before her period understands the link between food and hormones. Where do you get support that doesn’t make you feel “like nobody understands?”
Clinical Relationship Therapist, Talk Show Host and Hormonal Expert Sue McGarvie has a new program to balance your hormones, and help you feel better about your body.

And Sue should know. Sue lost over 170 pounds simply through hormonal balancing and an understanding of personal bio-chemistry. Her bestselling book The Libido Diet, outlined the specific steps that let her lose half her body weight. Sue is committed to losing that last 40 pounds herself and wants to bring in all the best experts to help model a new support program of fun, love and acceptance.

Find out what you may be missing for real change in a supportive, group environment that brings together Ottawa’s best experts in health, weight loss, hormones and body image.

A month of four Saturday mornings starting June 14th for 2 hours. 7 to 9:30 on Tuesdays. $300 total with full insurance receipts.

81 Pooler Ave. Refreshments
Group support, hormonal solutions, and the latest in sexuality and health information. Be informed and supported.

body image2

Testimonials about the previous groups! Gee Thanks!

Thank you for an amazing experience with our women’s group. It has opened up new doors for me, in ways I could not have imagined. For the first time in ages I feel like I am in control and I can make my dreams come true! I will miss our weekly group but hope to continue my work- moving forward! Thanks so much.

Thanks Sue! I loved our group.
I had fun today. Feel much better than I did when I arrived. Thanks for your great company and inspiration. S

Once again, I really benefited from the Saturday woman’s group. A very unique but beneficial service!

Sign up now! Full receipts will be provided at the first session!


Myla Dalbesio. If this size 10 model is considered plus sized, how’s a woman with real hips suspose to feel?

It makes me really, really mad. This woman, 27 year old Myla Dalbesio the face of Calvin Klein’s Perfectly Fit and a size 10. She is considered too fat to be a Victoria Secret Model. This stunningly beautiful model is considered plus sized by the neurotic, size obsessed fashion industry. How can we make this stop? Is size zero the only number?

This weekend I’m running yet another body image workshop for women too ashamed or scared to show their bodies to their partners and the world at large. I’m trying to stop the self loathing one woman at a time. Come join us in Ottawa Saturday morning if you are feeling like hiding as well. ” title=”body image workshop”>How can we stop buying into the concept that because we aren’t supermodels then we aren’t good enough!

I’m working on the 10 things you can do to really accept and love your body sexually. Here’s what we do in the first couple of sessions.
1. Do a vision board on a sheet of Bristol board that outlines to pictures of who you are and where you want to get to.
2. Hypnosis audio using self talk and the messages you want to say to yourself to change the message in your head.
3. Read something about health, positive images, nourishment, or being all you can be every morning.
4. Try to get in some exercise- even if its small in your day.
5. Stop comparing yourself to younger, prettier people. People’s views of their bodies are not only cruel but inaccurate.
6. Shut out the critical inner voice that tells us we are flawed. Use an elastic band around your wrist if you have to.
7. Realize this voice is a mosquito – not a dinosaur. Focus on your breathing until it goes away.
8. Keep pictures of your self that you like around you to look at. Notice how beautiful you are. Smile at yourself.
9. Make an effort to only say good things about you. Peel off the layers of self criticism and self loathing.
10 Acknowledge that you have a body image monologue. Notice it when you are comparing your own body seize to someone else’s. Or thinking something catty. Notice the differences but don’t judge. Think and say nice things. Those messages will pay off.

And hum to yourself….

I see the magazines working that Photoshop
We know that shit ain’t real
Come on now, make it stop
If you got beauty beauty just raise ’em up
‘Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top
Yeah, my momma she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night
You know I won’t be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,
So, if that’s what’s you’re into
Then go ahead and move along

Meghan Trainor – All About That Bass Lyrics |

Feather boas, pasties and thigh-high boots. The joy of burlesque

Recently as part of the couples workshop and body image groups, we had a few of the local burlesque performers talk about the power of tassels to re-claim your personal power. Everyone was blown away about the sexiness and fun of burlesque. I call it feminist stripping. Elegant, for any body size, and full of kick-ass costumes, So why is channeling your inner Cher so powerful?

Some women think its the clothes and glitter. It’s everything from what to wear and how to perform for your partner and how to best shake your tail feathers. It’s a chance to be on stage in heels and feel powerful and sexy. You get a sassy stage name, friends that get it and a way to feel comfortable in your skin. All the women I speak to about burlesque say “burlesque makes them feel powerful”.

In the book The Burlesque Handbook, author Jo Weldon tries to explain how burlesque dancers differ from strippers: “As a strip-joint stripper, I usually looked for one individual to perform to, and that individual paid me. As a burlesque performer, I play to the entire house, and the house (show producer or venue owner) pays me.” She then recalls the pain when “As a…stripper, my appearance was constantly evaluated and commented upon openly…it was a rollercoaster for my ego.” As dehumanizing as it is for conventional strippers to be scrutinized like they are, at least they have the strength to get up close with men. Burlesque dancers, on the other hand, have a wall of separation between them and the audience, and have rigged the show to where the audience can only give positive reinforcement. In this environment, all the “power grabs” and attempts and being “daring” end up being, as Roger Waters put it, “the bravery of being out of range.”

Burlesque can be many things. It is most commonly associated with Dita von Teese and vintage-inspired striptease. But in fact the word ‘burlesque’ actually means to make a mockery or satirise.

“Women usually take burlesque classes for one of three reasons: they want to feel cheeky and have fun, they want to improve their body confidence and how they feel about themselves, or they want to become a professional burlesque performer. When asked about their experience of learning and performing burlesque the majority of our students will use the word ’empowering’ in their answer. Regardless of why you come to learn burlesque you are welcomed into an environment that gives you permission to understand, explore, celebrate and have fun with your sensuality. You indulge in your feminine energy and create a performance that reflects your personality and beauty, instead of being constantly valued in terms of weight, size and age. No wonder this is an empowering experience considering the society norm – images of women photo-shopped to inhuman proportions and perfection preached by way of a size 0 body and cellulite- free thighs.”

I like going to burlesque shows with my sweetie. But it’s men, not him driving the outing. He prefers women naked. The audience is at least 50% women and it’s a very fun, open and appreciative crown. It can also be quite hot. Zaphods usually has a show at least once a month and there will be a burlesque show coming in every major city. Ottawa, population 1.1 million has seven burlesque troops and is expanding.

A warning burlesque is addictive. Whether watching it or dancing yourself, I’ve see it as so very positive. Take a deep breath, grab some pasties and think about rolling down your stocking. It’s food for your sexuality.

How fat isn’t sexy (at least according to fashion magazines)

related topics: lizzie miller, glamour magazine, plus sized models


Do you think this woman is fat and unattractive?  Apparently she's too fat to model even the plus size clothes (plus size models are size 8-10, and she's a 12-14 – which is average in North America).

Her name is Lizzie Miller, the 20-year-old model in question, agrees that it's astonishing that, at 5ft 11in and 12.5 stone she's considered a "plus size" model. "It's sad," she says. "In the industry anything over size six is considered a plus-size." Miller, who is around a US size 12-14 (that is, slightly below average) lost about 60lb when she was 13 but today she is considered too large to model for plus-size lines Marina Rinaldi (she says, "they like girls who are an 8). She says that the overwhelming reaction to the tiny photograph, buried on page 194 of Glamour magazine "shows that the world is hungry to see pictures of normal women."

An 8? That is less than my skinniest size and that is considered plus? Argh! It makes me mad that our bodies have to be seen as one of my patient calls "skinny, stick, spinny skanks" in order to be attractive.

I'm doing a bunch of work with women for whom body image is a major problem. I had one today showing me the bruises on her arms from being injected with vitamins on a 400 calorie "Medical" diet. She says she's feeling "foggy", and is having trouble working she's so hungry, but feels unattractive.

My friend C says she wants to start a website about size discrimination."Would you tell a young girl: "You have such a pretty face, too bad you are black.."? No, but people feel free to say stuff like: "you have such a pretty face, too bad you are fat/overweight/plump etc ."

We need to vote with our wallets, buy Dove soap and ask the modelling agencies and clothing manufacturers to display clothes on real women. Time to say "if we are fit and healthy it's okay to be fed." grrrrr.

Androgyny – Is this a man or woman?


I used to get invited to a group called “Gender Mosaic”. A gaggle of cross dressers who always had interesting workshops (and great food), and who spoke of the “third gender” neither male nor female. It is that mix of male and female  though, that has everyone talking about Caster Semenya, an 18-year-old South African runner now competing in the World Championships. Semenya (pictured above and below) is under scrutiny because of her powerful running style and her appearance.  Given her recent win this week in Berlin, the running world is having her examined for gender identity.

South African teenager Caster Semenya, the winner of the women’s 800-meter race at the world championships, has been undergoing gender-verification testing. She must be examined by, among others, a gynecologist, psychologist and endocrinologist.

Semenya, 18, reportedly has a deep voice, and her pictures show a physique notably more muscular than the bodies of even her most accomplished rivals. She has dropped almost nine seconds from her best 800 time in the last year – the type of improvement that usually suggests performance-enhancing drugs.

It’s not enough for her to undergo the very intrusive drug testing (the sample collector is supposed to watch every second, up close and personal, in the bathroom). Semenya has to endure a fairly medieval practice, a remnant from the days when all female athletes were deemed abnormal.

I heard a story by the sister of a swimmer in the Montreal Olympics in 1976. Who said that at one point, her sister was sure she heard men’s voices in the women’s locker room. It was the East German women’s swim team (before the testing came in for testosterone). I am all about not cheating, but to subject an 18 year old to scruitiny for her “parts” seems a bit draconian.

I wonder what the gender mosaic group would have to say about this?

On Chastity (bono that is), sex fetishes and why there may be trany hookers in your neighbourhood

French maid


Another week as a sex therapist, and more visits from all kinds trying to find their way in a sexually varied world. Between the adulterys, the limp dicks, the libido strugglers, the horny hoards, and the fetish guys, there really is an amazing variety of sexual deviation in your average community.  People can be so troubled by their desires. Maybe I just don’t get what the big deal is, but I really live with an attitude of “live and let live”.  I’m always taken aback when someone judges my behaviour (usually without asking me my side of it,), and I live a middle class, heterosexual, more or less mainstream life. Okay with a few quirks and kinks, but that’s my point- everyone has a few. I’m curious, but am aware of this whole group of people that have sexual needs that occasionally we bump into.

My aunt lives just off Church (near Wellsley ) in Toronto and takes her walk around the block talking to the plenary of tranny hookers  that ply their trade in those 2 blocks. They work the sex trade to save enough money to get a sex change operation (or at least pay for the hormones, lipo, and all those cool 50’s pin up clothes that they wear). You would be amazed at the numbers of straight business men client that use their services on the way home from work.  Remember, everyone has something sexually that they keep hidden. I got thinking about them as I was reading this week about Chastity Bono (daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher – pictured above) who is having a sex change operation.

“Chastity Bono is having a sex change to become a man. A spokesman for Bono, born a girl to Sonny and Cher, says he “has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity” and began the sex-change process earlier this year. Publicist Howard Bragman said Bono is proud of his decision and hopes “that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue.”

Here is a kid who has had their own challenges and is finding their way. The current thinking is that a flurry of the opposite hormones flooding the baby’s brain in utero at a key development time during the first trimester of pregnancy causes a child born one sex, to see themselves and think of themselves as the other gender. So Cher would have had a rush of male testosterone practically before she knew she was pregnant. Something else to blame on Mothers. This isn’t how sexual fetish develops however. Each and every guy I’ve ever met with a strong fetish (and I come across them weekly) can pinpoint the time in early adolescence when they were sexually aroused by feet, hair, rope, dominate women, a certain type of lingerie, rubber or the like. You can’t fix it or cure it, you can just help someone manage it as part of theirr life.  When I have am again reminded of the trials of being sexually out of step, I’m encouraged to help (if I can) and encourage people to remember that they are not alone.

The perils of wearing lingerie, and why we should all sue Victoria Secret

Have you heard about the story of the LA traffic worker who has filed suit against Victoria Secret because her thong malfunctioned? Wardrobe malfunctions (not of Janet Jackson’s infamous halftime variety), but a real woman who had a mortifying underwear experience on the job. Her thong apparently chose an embarrassing moment to come apart, and smacked her in the eye.,2933,368206,00.html Now I’m dead set against the frivolous litigious US society, but I have cursed my share of lingerie in my life. My life is a lingerie injury waiting to happen. Snaps popping, garters-ungarting, those damned seams that only the transvestites I know who can get them lined up straight down the back of your legs. I take off my bras while driving, and I gave up wearing underwear after my last pregnancy when I was the size of a house and couldn’t find anything but those hideous granny, cotton-white tents to wear. I remember before I lost my weight searching an entire shopping mall in vain for a strapless bra to wear under my wedding gown. I remember thinking that if they only made bras for skinny girls, I should sue somebody if I put an eye out with my bouncing bosoms. Now here is someone who ACTUALLY lost an eye. Damn them all for not making lingerie that actually supports real bodies, and I for one am quietly hoping that she gets her pound of flesh from Victoria Secret. And makes them gain it so the thong in question gives them a wedgie like it gives women who wear them. Victoria secret





Girls gone wild lingerie shoot

Dsc_0692_4 I had a few girlfriends over last week for a little wine, a little dress up and show each other our lingerie, along with a chance to pose quasi-naked in my backyard. Boudoire photos outside are all the rage, and it was a perfect night to feel the air blowing against almost naked skin. It digressed quickly as we went from stiff and self conscious to ass showing, breast baring, finger sucking poses. It wasn’t the heated debachary that men hope happens when women get naked and frolicking, but it was hot all the same. What it felt like- for everyone- was joyful, uninhibited, and downright fun. Girls being girls. Lipstick, lace, and helping each other with our hair. It was memorable, and for a couple of body image conscious participants- downright healing. I’m not posting any of the group shots – use your imagination, but these may give you a sense of it. A great suggestion for a birthday or anniversary gift because as cute as I am now, it is always a good idea to immortalize all that cuteness.

Patti’s cleavage

Cleavage1 My friend Patti has this cool new blackberry.  More bells and whistles than mine, (can you tell I’m envious) and she has a camera that allows her to take pictures she can email immediately.  She told a group of us tonight (and gave me permission to tell the world) that she when she was feeling playful last week as she was sitting sending emails over a coffee, she took a picture of her boobs to send to her husband. You can guess the rest.  The email went askew and he didn’t receive the cleavage shot in question.  His loss is someone else’s gain. It is floating somewhere in cyberspace, and she isn’t sure if one of her business contacts got the breastmail by mistake.  Her new blackberry doesn’t list her sent messages so she has no idea where it went. giggle.  The gaggle of women hearing this story did some serious snickering at her cyber misfortune.

So on behalf of Patti, if you happen to receive a viral email with pictures of her abundant chest, please return to sender. grin.

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