So fall is coming fast and furiously. And with that (at least in our house) we starts thinking about dressing up. While I’ve had my Halloween costume since January I just saw the costume display set up in Costco for Halloween! It’s the chance for everyone to dress up as their favourite superhero or villain and not take themselves too seriously. For me, the opportunity to have fun is something I value in my life and I certainly try to walk the walk in my relationship. Talks on humour and playfulness are showing up in more Psychology conferences of late as one of the best ways to stay connected. A sense of humour and a willingness to be playful is listed as one of the five characteristics of couples who have great relationships. I was asked recently by a new counseling student what I emphasize to improve relationships between couples. The ability to have fun with each other is one of the first things I suggest. It has one of the fastest impacts to connect couples who are feeling out of step with each other.
Humour can keep things exciting, fresh, and vibrant. When you laugh with one another, you create a positive bond between you. Laughter evokes strong feelings and bonds you as a couple. It also helps push away depression and feelings of powerlessness. The doom and gloom you feel when you listen to the news or read a paper can be wearing on even the most optimistic of people, so I encourage you to think about ways to be playful this fall. It pays dividends. It’s doing things with a sparkle in your eyes, and having belly laughs with your sweetie. We try to take in comedy monthly and are a member of the free Sunday Night funnies group on meetups. It’s celebrating distraction and taking a break from the humdrum of everyday life.
Having fun also increases confidence. You stop worrying what others will think. And doing it holding your partner’s hand makes everything better. I describe it as embracing “childlike” with wonder and rapture. Borrow a kid if you need help finding that space.
Schedule a play date. Here are some suggestions:
It’s the time of the year to go to the Halloween stores and try on costumes. They will be open in a few weeks! They usually have giant change rooms and don’t be afraid to try on something zany.
Have a pillow fight. Walmart has $6 pillows if you don’t want to wreck one of the ones from your bed. Go to the park and have your partner push you on the swings. Or slide down the slide like you still want to. Make some bubbles. Bubble baths, bubble blowing, and bubble gum blowing contests.
Make a playlist together. It’s reminiscent of the old 80’s make-out tapes. Put some music on it that reminds you of when you met. Go get ice cream. Have your partner close their eyes and have them guess the flavor of as many samples as they will let you try. Dance in the rain, go see the fall leaves, take pictures of each other’s funny faces and see how long it takes for your partner to laugh.
Go play at the toy store. Come out with us on a Ducklings sexy date night and laugh! (www.sexwithsue.com/duckling-events)
Try strange, experimental cooking (or a new martini recipe). We love this new Dragon Fruit martini.
• 1-1/2 cups (375 mL) ice cubes
• 3/4 cup (175 mL) cubed peeled dragon fruits
• 1/2 cup (125 mL) guava or guanabana nectar
• 3 oz (85 g) vodka
• 1/4 cup (60 mL) coconut milk
• 1/2 tsp (2 mL) lime juice
• 3/4 cup (175 mL) granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup (175 mL) water
Simple Syrup: In small saucepan, bring sugar and water to boil; simmer, stirring occasionally, until clear and syrupy, about 2 minutes. Let cool completely.
In blender, purée together ice cubes, dragon fruit, guava nectar, vodka, coconut milk, 2 tbsp of the simple syrup and lime juice until smooth and frosty. Pour into cocktail glasses. Reserve remaining simple syrup for other cocktails.
Whatever you do HAVE FUN TOGETHER!!!