For many of the couples I work with trying to find time to connect sensually is challenging. Life gets in the way. Between work, kids, extended families, housework, friends, and community commitments romance time takes a back seat. I’ve long preached the importance of a regular, standing date night. In our house we always book something fun, and sensuous at least once a week. Intimate time needs to be a habit. If you go too long without connecting in a sensuous way it becomes awkward. That elephant in the room and it’s easier just to go to bed. However couples that don’t have sex start to feel disconnected. They begin to think they are roommates, or “friends who parent”. I think date nights are one of the five things that couples NEED to do to stay married. It’s way cheaper than hiring my brilliant sister-in-law the divorce attorney.
So what can you do to keep that heat? To this end I’m posting an up-to-date list of ideas about great, sensuous date nights that don’t cost a fortune, but help create come fun and intimate connections. I’m going to try and add 5 new ideas a quarter so keep coming back and reading the newsletters. If you need me to help you by setting up a timetable and “cracking the whip” so to speak, I would be happy to do so. I’m covered by all group health insurance plans so it’s essentially FREE. Send me a note now to email@example.com. Whether by phone or in person, I’ll get you back on track.
I won’t promise that these tips will change your life, but I will say that if you leave them in the bathroom with a few pages highlighted, you may be surprised about how open your partner is to trying new things….
1. Drive around naked (or under a towel or wrap with nothing else on). Find a place to go parking that is off the beaten path. In Ontario cars are considered private property, and you have the expectation of privacy if you are well away from other people in a secluded environment. Speaking of naked, try nude sunbathing on one of the clothing optional beaches or campgrounds in Canada. They are safe, slightly naughty and I bet there is one near you. check out the www.fcn.ca, or www.aanr.com for a spot near you.
2. Picnics and outdoor sex generally crank up the endorphins. The best story I heard was from a 85 year old couple who always had weekly picnics. In the backyard during the summer and in the living room in the winter. They considered their picnic basket one of their most prized possessions.
3. Do it yourself bondage. By placing two hands in a pillow case behind your back and lying down, your own body weight safely and easily traps your hands for quick immobilization. Cheap handcuffs from the dollar store have a universal key and are easy to get out of. Simple, and I bet you haven’t tried a set in ages.
4. Canadian Tire or hardware store sex toys. Visit the house wares and get a “massager” that plugs into the wall. 110 volts makes the best sex toys. Try a drop sheets can be used for rolling around in oil, practicing squirting, and playing with chocolate body paint. Paint brushes for warm oil, ceiling hook to attach the rope too….whatever floats your boat.
5. Shop online for sex toys. Even if you don’t buy anything read about what’s new. My favourite these days are www.pinkcherry.com and who would have thought, Amazon are all decent sites. Sex toy shops in person in your ‘hood often have great classes where you can learn everything from Japanese rope bondage, to making your own sex toys.
6. Dollar store shopping. Cheap paintbrushes for writing on your body in oil, water based paints for getting really creative, water balloons (get wet inside and out), lightest sandpaper for a full body scruffing, and small LED flashlights (for playing gynecologist). Try something fun and add it to your tickle trunk.
7. Douche bags to clean out vaginas (and separate ones for rectums). With warm water, it helps clean out every orifice and makes the way clear for loads of oil and lube for vaginal play or anal sex. The ones I bought from the drug store are called vaginal syringes. They make you feel clean and fresh. I use a little vinegar and water and am far more likely to get frisky if I know my partner will find me pleasant.
8. Butterscotch instant pudding. Or chocolate, vanilla or anything that tickles your fancy or your taste buds. 5 minutes and you’ve got a fun activity. I use it in combination with the drop sheet. More women I know have tried oral sex with pudding than anything else. Just saying…
9. Adventure camping – White-water rafting, bungee jumping or anything that gets your adrenaline pumping will kick start things in the bedroom. The new study from Rutgers university supports all the earlier research that adrenaline bonds, and increases your testosterone levels.
10. Tea and ice cubes- The combination of the hot and cold on your genitals can be quite the sensation. Simple fun and erotic things you can add to spice things up this weekend.
It may be as simple as picking up a bottle of wine. The important thing is that even a $1 novelty item in the bedroom helps peak your interest. Set aside a date time and talk to your partner. It’s worth it.
If you want to look into pre-made date nights, consider joining the Ducklings! We are a social date-night group where the activities are planned for you. Idiot-proof romance and fun!