Category: Men and sex, Erections, penis size etc.

The realization that you need to be desired in order to be turned on.


Everyone wants to feel wanted. In fact I would even say it’s a basic need of sex to be desired by your partner. For women it’s especially important. Many women who can feel arousal (but not desire) meaning their bodies can be turned on but they aren’t emotional feeling into sex is common phenomenon. They need to be convinced or get their sexual energy from someone else. As Psychology Today reports recently.

“Most women, for instance, have a strong wish to feel sexually desired. Men also like to be desired, of course. But among the women I see in my office, it’s often much more of a “thing.”

Many women say they don’t feel any spontaneous desire for sex unless it’s stimulated by someone desiring them. As sex therapists, we would say their desire is purely “responsive.” Many women report that feeling desired is what turns them on the most.
Heterosexual human mating tends to be like traditional couples’ dancing. She needs him to ask her to dance. The dancing itself might be nice, but even more important is that he showed initiative and wanted to dance with her. 70% of men are different. They may enjoy it if their partner passionately wants to have sex with them, but they don’t particularly need to feel desired in order to get turned on. Their desire is more “spontaneous.”

But what about the 30% of men that do need their partners to express great desire in order to be turned on? I see men in my office every week who need explicit desire by their partners to get aroused.

A man like this is almost always brought to my office by his unhappy wife, who complains that he rarely, if ever, initiates sex—thus depriving her of the chance to feel turned on by his passion for her. And she’s bonetired of initiating.

He will tell me privately, that he wants her to start sex or he can’t get his mojo going.

“A heterosexual guy whose principal turn-on is to be desired finds himself in more difficult territory. Very few women are interested in consistently being the initiator.

A man like this usually learns to keep his responsive desire a secret. If he tries to explain it to a female partner, often the concept will be so foreign to her that she’ll have no idea what he’s talking about.”

It’s a challenge. 50 Shades of Gray sold millions of copies because it appealed to the very common female fantasy of being “taken”. The desire to be dominated safely is by far the most popular sexual model with women. And men who are responsive (are often the more thinking guys) feel frustrated and voiceless.

So what do you do to solve this? It starts with communication, acceptance and negotiation. And an understanding that sex isn’t “supposed to be a certain way”. Women have been chased around the school yard by boys wanting to pull their pigtails and we expect “handsy” men. It’s certainly not what we always want (nor is it appropriate outside of consenting adults), but it’s what we expect form men. Understanding that sex is play – adult play- and not always about pounding intercourse helps get this message through. As do signals (pull an earlobe or drop a secret word) to indicate interest so that neither one is being pushed away helps with the shut down of rejection of a partner who can’t figure out what you need to be turned on. And learning that your expectations of sex might be getting in the way.

I teach a monthly “School of Sex” series done with humour, inclusion and fantastic speakers. It allows people to sit in the back row and listen to how other people in their community think about sex – without social conventions and limiting beliefs. Really hear what turns on the men and women that live in your neighbourhood can be powerfully healing to someone who feels sexually inhibited. It’s liberating for many people not to feel alone in how they feel sexually.

And as the author of the study succinctly summarizes;

If you’re a woman in a relationship with a man who doesn’t initiate sex as much as you’d like, you may want to keep in mind the possibility that he might need the same thing you do.

The Libido differences between couples. And research into how men are touch deprived

Much of my day as a Sex Therapist is spent talking about libido differences between couples. Opposite sex drives between partners are challenging. Not always, but often it’s men who seem to want sex all the time. With their exasperated partners having to push them away making everyone feel badly. Again not all but many healthy, adult men want sex daily or every other day, time permitting. But the expectation that men are all Neanderthals chasing their partners around the house all the time isn’t fair to the men I see. Many really want their partners to initiate. Or they see their sexuality as a dance rather than a conquest. Or the anxiety of performance makes them gun shy. Or they have lower testosterone and feel diminished. At times for the men I see it feels exhausting to always need to be “sexually on”.

As women we have had guys pull our ponytails in school, try and get us out of our jeans in High School and actively hit on us in bars. There is an exception that men will pursue. There is a great article about why men seem to pursue sex over and over. As the author Mark Greene says ” In our culture we believe that men always have a sexual agenda. We believe that, given the opportunity, men will collapse into the sexual at a moment’s notice. That men don’t know how to physically connect otherwise. That men can’t control themselves. That men are dogs. Yet, if we don’t trust men and touch where does that leave us as a culture? And where do men go for touch and connection?”

Men turn to sex for touch. When I ask men to talk about what intimacy means to them they think sex. When I ask them to describe something romantic it often has a sexual slant. Many men feel loved when they are touched and that touch is sexual in nature. And their partners who often want to simply cuddle find an erection poking them. Men haven’t been able to express their tactile selves. Unless it’s between the sheets on the sports field they don’t have a vehicle for nurturing touch.

As Mark Greene says “The lifelong lack of platonic touch in boys lives ultimately results in the loss for them of the clear distinction between platonic touch and sexual touch. Young men starving for touch seek it in the sexual realm, often exclusively from their partners. This makes frequency of sex a challenging issue for couples. Men key on sex in an attempt to bridge our way back to the gentle comforting touch of our distant childhoods, the pure first experience of touch in our lives that can never quite be recaptured or recalled. Sex takes on the role of fulfilling both sexual and platonic touch needs.

The result? Men background all other positives in our relationships, judging every interaction against the sexual pleasure metric.”

So you have generations of men who identify the need for physical affection as someone touching their penis. It’s not the only reason, male sexual urges can be daunting. As I tell my clients ” I’ve spoken to men for 25 years and I am still gobstopped about how horny guys can be sometimes”.

Separating sex and touch is one of the first things I do as a Sex Therapist. Mindful non-genital touch- even if it’s only 3 minutes each in a busy day can help separate sex from positive affection. And then both partners can calm down and truly see each other.

Mark outlines the issue for guys who are touch deprived.

“Many of us are also terribly prone to approaching sex mechanically, staring inward at our own flaring confusion instead of looking outward into the mysterious miracle of our partners. And in that moment, sex becomes another exercise in internalizing our experiences instead of surrendering to emotional interdependence, which we have never learned to engage. In relationship after relationship, romance withers. Sex falls off. But even as these relationships falter, we men remain willing to go to the well of cold mechanical sex, long after our lovers have lost their passion for it, because like everything else in our emotional landscapes, we have confused the mechanics of contact with truly connecting emotionally.”

I suggest getting a regular RMT massage therapist. It’s professional and therapeutic. Touch is a basic need. Finding a way to get hugs, physical connection, and positive physical interaction – in a non-sexual way is really good for your sex life. Read the whole article here.

School of Sex! The Penis. How to pleasure it, make it bigger, last longer, pleasure it, and keep it healthy!

Sunday, February 19, 2017
2:00 PM to 4:30 PM
The Rosemount Orange Hall
41 Rosemount Ave, Hintonburg, Ottawa, ON

Although she comes first (we did the girl bits School of Sex last month in January 2017), he gets to come next. It’s time for the penis presentation. The next in the School of Sex series is all about the most protruding of male parts.

For men, find out what’s new for your junk. If you are a guy feel free to sit anonymously at the back of the room and stay current about your equipment. This is your chance to find out about how to last longer, stay harder, what actually increases it’s size (and what doesn’t), what toys, tips, and tools help and which ones just take your money. We will have educated male speakers talking about getting the most from your dick. And for those of us who want to touch (play, enjoy, caress etc) penises, learn the skills that will have his eyes roll back in his head. There will be frenulum and testicle touching suggestions, external tricks like “the double-handed backhand”, and the escalator among others that will seriously up your game.

Like all School of Sex events, this is an open event so everyone is welcome. Bring a friend and find out all about the Ducklings and our School of Sex series. We want to up the skill set in the Nation’s Capital so we become the sexiest capital – not the stuffiest. This is not your parents (or your kids) sex ed class. Discounts for the next six School of Sexes and therapy receipts are also available. Find out more and sign up!

You can pay at the door but there are maximums that the room holds so purchasing in advance is strongly encouraged.

$30 per person. Pay in advance to hold your spot.

The Hugo and why the prostate needs some stimulation

hugo

After the Father’s Day weekend I was reading about the money raised for prostate cancer research and was taken aback by the current Canadian statistics about men and their troubled prostates. It turns out that prostate cancer is the most common cancer among Canadian men (excluding non-melanoma skin cancers). It is the 3rd leading cause of death from cancer in men in Canada.

It is estimated that in 2016:
• 25,000 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. And close to 5,000 Canadian men will die of prostate cancer this year.
We have a family friend of twenty years who is six weeks post-surgery to remove a particularly aggressive form of prostate cancer. As he said in his usual off the cuff way, “the prostate is a small organ that most men don’t pay nearly enough attention to until it bites them in the ass”.

The truth is that if men live long enough they will all have problems with their prostate. Most men have an enlargement of their prostate as they age (no one is really sure why) and pound for pound the prostate can hold the most toxins in the body. A number of years ago I was at a urology convention and went to a lecture on prostate cancer prevention. I’m usually frustrated at urology conventions because urologists are so focused on the penis and surrounding tissues they often forget to look at the actual person. But this particular lecture was memorable. For preventing prostate cancer most of the advice was what you would expect. Eat well, exercise regularly, get both blood (PSA) and digital (the rubber glove check) tests. The lecture also emphasized the importance of weekly ejaculations. There is a very strong correlation between an increase in prostate cancer and men who don’t ejaculate. It goes back to “keeping those pipes clean” and getting rid of the toxins. I often write prescriptions that say “must masturbate more”. During the urology lecture there was a much older East Indian urologist who commented that he was taught to offer prostate massage (as part of his residency in India) for men with an enlarged prostate. He said he had rarely heard of prostate stimulation mentioned as a possible tool to help with prostate troubles in North America.

I know how much men hate the dreaded “ bend-over-and-cough” prostate exam by their doctors. I can’t imagine my partner willingly letting an elderly urologist massage his prostate.
Fortunately, there is an easier way.

Lelo the Swedish toy company has come up with an outstanding prostate stimulator. It’s called The Hugo, and it’s this slick, black toy that is easily inserted and vibrates directly on the prostate. I’m sure they did lots of design research, as it is the perfect size, shape and intensity to give the prostate an immediate “wow”. Lelo is known for their research. Getting feedback from actual users is what differentiates a great toy company. It is a wonderful toy to help with anal sex (for both men and women). I spoke with a woman who borrowed her husband’s Hugo to help relax herself before anal sex. It is an ass toy and it is easy to insert.
My favourite feature is the separate remote control that comes with the Hugo. That way you can change the settings and speed of the vibrations in your partner’s rectum while having your feet up. The range in surprisingly far. That means you can control the type of stimulation from the other side of the room if necessary. That certainly appeals to any partner’s dominant nature.

There are many men that are curious about prostate stimulation but hesitate. They worry about being clean enough (something women understand) but also stress about it being “unmanly”. There is certainly lots of baggage in the North American culture about ass play and male-receptive penetration. As Charlie Glickman says in his book “ The Ultimate Guide to prostate Pleasure”, “If finding the prostate didn’t involve going up his ass, it probably would not be so much of an issue- it would be viewed as no different from playing with any other part of the male equipment. Especially as prostate massage can be viewed as both stimulating and healthful.”

So if you are concerned about your prostate, want to play with it (or your partner’s prostate) then I encourage you to go for it. The research is fairly conclusive that massaging that walnut shaped gland between your testicles and your anus will help prevent prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate) or even prostate cancer. It also might feel particularly good. No matter what knowing about those squishy boy parts is a public service. So next time you are online or at your local sex shop have a look at the Hugo and add it to your wish list. Remember it’s good for you.

Low Libido Syndrome. Why men experience a decrease in desire for sex

The desire to get naked, horizontal and sweaty with our partners (potential partner or just a hand and some time alone) should be something that happens at regular intervals for everyone. Sex is the third most common physical need behind the need to eat and survive, and the need to connect and have a clan. You may not have the desire just after you have run a marathon or have the flu, but for most couples sexual desire and activity bubbles up in our bodies at least once a week.

If you are not feeling the urge to jump your sweetie, and are failing to feel the urge to be physically close it might be time to have a look at what’s going on. If you have a low desire for sex, especially if your relationship is strong and loving you might be suffering from low libido syndrome. I see lots of people who remember the sexy person they used to be. And their partners certainly remember that they used to be interested.

Low sex drive is a common problem and by far the most frequent issue I see as a sex therapist. It can get worse as we age. For women, there is an expression “that libido is never improved with menopause”. Oprah speaks often about low libido on her channel and mentions that “diminished libido impacts close to 30% of the North American population”. We understand that with female cycles, low libido is a significant female problem. The truth is that low libido impacts both genders. Many people have this belief that men want sex all the time. Although I speak to many men who could happily have sex every day, I also see guys who have lost that loving feeling.
Low sex drive or low Libido is present in a lot of men, but very few admit it. In my practice, I see 80% women and 20% men. But I do see a lot of men. This is because they have the opinion that it is not a male issue and that they should be all over the partners daily. Their sexual prowess and virility is directly linked to their confidence as a man. Low Libido in men takes place due to a number of reasons and causes. Some of them are listed below.

male libido
• Depression

Depression is a major psychological issue that can reduce your sex drive, especially if you are on the SSRI anti-depressants. Doctors may not tell you that there are often huge side effects with anxiety and depression medications. Anti-depressants also affect your ability to reach orgasm. The other issue is that depression leads to not feeling great about yourself and the biochemistry of serotonin and dopamine imbalances can leave you in a serious funk. You don’t feel like doing much, including having sex. There also might be something that has happened that is taking up tons of brain space. Work stress is a common cause. I see men with big jobs who find their interest in sex goes down when their work stress goes up. It’s why holiday sex happens more easily and is generally more erotic.

The truth is that you cannot attain the needed level of sexual attraction when your mind is stuck up with other issues.

• Alcohol and Drug Usage

All kinds of addictive substances increase the chances of low libido. Men who have been regular drinkers or drug users are rarely able to provide the needed level of satisfaction to their female partners. Smoking (especially the ones grown under grow lamps and rolled) has a serious negative impact on libido and erections. The warning on the cigarette package that smoking makes you limp is not a myth. If you are smoking dope stopping is a great first step. Get some milk thistle at the health food store and detoxify your liver. Have no more than 7 drinks a week and start thinking about abundant health.

• The low testosterone factor

Low Libido has been linked to the deficiency of testosterone. A number of diseases cause the deficiency of testosterone in the human body, including high blood pressure, cholesterol, obesity and excess of weight, diabetes and a lot of other health problems as well. According to medical research, there is a direct proportionality relationship between diabetes and low testosterone. People who have diabetes are more likely to develop the low testosterone issue. Similarly, people who have low testosterone are more likely to have diabetes in the future stages of their life. Sometimes low testosterone is caused by injury. I’ve seen a number of men who have had a hockey puck to their groin or a soccer ball in the testicles and who have then experienced diminished sex drive and low testosterone. Sometimes when you do blood work there are some men who have low testosterone and have no known reason. But they get what I call “the grumpy old man syndrome”. These guys are quickly turning into their fathers and grandfathers and lose their interest in sex, sports and become couch potatoes. If men are putting on belly fat, fall asleep after dinner and aren’t having the ambition they used to it’s time for a blood test to check the levels of testosterone and free testosterone. Adding testosterone (the best kind looks like hand sanitizer you simply apply to your forearms) can turn these problems around within a month.

• Low Libido can be a relationship issue
When I see men in my office who aren’t interested in sex with their partners I offer up a checklist to determine what might be the reason. Besides the physical issues such as low testosterone, men might be getting their sexual needs met elsewhere (too much porn or visiting the massage parlors etc.) or they might simply not be into their partners. Men think they should be interested in sex no matter what. I believe that men are as emotionally sensitive if not more so than women. If your partner has disappointed you, or you are fighting, then you simply might not be interested in being intimate. And although it might be hard to admit, there might be an attraction issue. As the sex therapist Esther Perel says, “fire needs air”. If you are busy raising kids together and feel like “friends that co-parent” you might need a little mystery put back into the relationship. Read my blog on date nights and spend some time doing the things you did when you first fell in love. The flames of intimacy needs fanning and attention sometimes. Spend some fun, sexy, and intimate alone time with your partner and see what comes up.

• Low Libido has physical as well as psychological reasons

Low libido can be due to physical reasons, psychological reasons or a combination of both as well. As an individual, you need to discover the reasons why you are experiencing a low sex drive. For instance, if you are facing this problem due to psychological reasons like depression, you need to consult a psychologist or a psychiatrist. However, if you do not have any psychological issues and you are suffering from a decreased desire have a look at some other factors including relationship problems, pornography usage, and food choices. If you are facing low sex drive, burying your head in the sand doesn’t help. What I do know about low libido is that it doesn’t magically get better. You may need help to drill down to the actual causes of the problem. By getting proper treatment, you can get that strong love back again. Consider an initial appointment either in person or by skype or phone. Usually I can diagnose the issue quickly and it often can be treated in one or two quick sessions. Send me an email at sue@sexwithsue.com and we can tackle this issue in the next 48 hours. I care, and low libido is my specialty.

Would you rather be balding or have a large penis?

I know it’s crazy to keep reading these surveys, but this one jumped out at me. Apparently, for men, if they had to choose:
• 60% of men would rather have a large penis and be balding
• 40% of men opted for a lush, full head of hair and an average to small penis

• 70% of men say they are satisfied with their hairline and penis size (perhaps the most surprising stat)…
• 44% of men believe their significant others care more about their hair/overall appearance, than their penis size
• 29% of men agree with the statement, “Regardless of my penis size, I would get hair restoration if I needed it, because no one wants to be bald.”

It turns out that both are true. Balding men have higher levels of DHT and DHT which is supposed to increase penis size. There is some truth to the fact that bald men have bigger weenies. Hair loss is caused by testosterone. And higher testosterone in utero can cause an increase in the size of your schlong. It also positively affects the length of your ring finger.

Yep. That manly hormone that makes men who they are, that makes you tough, burly, and, well, manly is ultimately responsible for male pattern baldness. I have a download about increasing your penis size which has all of the options listed at https://www.sexwithsue.com/how-to-increase-your-penis-size/.

From an evolutionary point of view, baldness may actually have evolved as a status symbol, indicating an older, successful, and virile male who is more desirable as a mate than a younger, less mature individual.

And the modern-day translation seems in keeping with this evolution. These days, having no hair on the crown of your head is regarded as sexy by many women.

Premature Ejaculation- 5 NEW things that you may not know that will help you last longer

Premature Ejaculation (PE or those blasted one minute guys) is a very real phenomenon. It is only second to women with low libido as the most common problem I see as a sex therapist. I have written a number of articles over the years about how to last longer (a quick search on this site or a click to order the download will get you up to date) but there seems to be some new information about how to deal with you quick trigger.

1. The Stud 100 spray continues to be popular. Many men paid the $15 and found it doesn’t work. “The trick”, my friend George the sex toy seller says, “is to not use too much. Forget putting any on the head too. Spray a little on the top of the shaft, and a little on the bottom of the shaft, wait 10 minutes and then you’re in business.”

2. Levitra or Cialis may prevent you from ejaculating at all. So does a little codeine (say one Tylenol 1 before sex). Anti-depressants also can stop ejaculation but it can also negatively affect libido and erections.

3. Pressure from a vibrating cock ring. I keep hearing that the We-Vibe is so stimulating when used during intercourse that it speeds up ejaculation. So don’t use that. But a vibrating cock ring against the pressure point at the base of the penis will help prevent ejaculation. Give it a shot and see if it works for you.

4. Ejaculoid – The new semen enhance that can actually increase volume and length of ejaculation. The increased volume actually helps your partner feel the the semen as it travels and squeeze off the tube and encourage the semen to back up. I can explain it if you are looking for more information. send me an email at suem@rogers.com

5. Jelking or the process of using both hands in opposite directions along the shaft of the penis can help if you have a willing partner and clear instruction. I have a BOB in my office that I used as a demo. It still amazes me how little most people understand about their genitals. You can be trained to last longer. It’s especially easier if you have a regular partner that will participate in a few therapy session where i explain it all. And then the fun begins at home. 🙂 And your insurance company covers such instructions. Give me a call and I’ll make sure that you can walk tall the next time you want to go for a marathon love making session.

Jumping your guy for no reason tops the list of men’s daily sexual desires.

Men like spontaneous sex.

Maybe you knew that. Maybe you simply just suspected it.  But in a discussion this week with a number of smart men I asked them what they would really, really like sexually. They all ranked sexual surprises and spontaneous sex first on a list of possible choices. I’m going to transcribe my survey and post it here and you can take the quiz about what you like sexually.

Spring sex out of the blue. Plan a hot night, or just reach over and stimulate him under the table. Initiation, slight sexual aggression, and spontaneous sex blow guys away. It’s a huge ego boost for them and they feel like you can’t keep your hands off them. They feel hot and rank that kind of sex as the most memorable when I ask them “to tell me about the best sex they have ever had.”  For men, touch reinforces your relationship.  Cosmo gives this advice:

“For a spontaneous seduction, ask him to pull over to a deserted spot for a roadside romp when you’re driving home one night. Or at a party, take him into a back bedroom or closet.”

More with the quiz, but in the meantime “what are you waiting for?”  Spontaneous sex brings you closer, helps kick start some hormones and simply blows his little mind.

Why we love bad boys. Why are they so alluring?

I have counseling a few patient lately who seem to be picking the same guy over and over again – with disastrous results. They want a relationship but find themselves weak in the knees around the leather-jacket wearing bad boy. They date the tough guy but want a husband and father. Can you see the disconnect?

These are smart, pretty women with good jobs but are always surprised when the Harley-driving mechanics don’t want to settle down. It goes back to that adage that women marry men hoping to change them, and men marry women hoping they will never change.

So what’s with those bad guys anyway?

What will attract a woman to a bad boy is excitement, daringness, and the promise of adventure.

There is something about brooding, moody guys that women find alluring. Now a new study this spring out of UBC in Vancouver supports the assumption with research.

Women find happy guys significantly less sexually attractive than swaggering or brooding men, according to a new University of British Columbia study that helps to explain the enduring allure of “bad boys” and other iconic gender types. Guys who can display that mischeivious shame (at least knows right from wrong even if they don’t act on it), and smiling comes across as a very “gay or feminine trait”.

Confidence, boldness and masculine is universally what women find attractive.
Bad boys also have the packaging. They emphasize the more testosterone rich parts of themselves and promise great sex, danger and adventure.

So if you keep falling for these guys, and want a more permanent life than pay attention to some of the reasons you keep picking the sweet-but-toxic men.

1.The impulse to perpetuate what’s familiar.
Many women attracted to rogues had a father who was a little wild and rebellious. Because many girls idealize their father, they may seek a partner with similar traits. This usually isn’t a conscious decision; much of the allure happens below the level of awareness. Girls may also choose these boys on the assumption that Dad will be impressed.

2. Can’t “own” your sexuality. Many sensuous women feel that they can “only get swept away in the moment” in order to be the openly sexual. Otherwise to say “I want hot, raunchy sex” means you are a slut.  Having a bad boy lead you down the garden path lets them excuse their own sexual behavior.

3. The drive to rehabilitate or “save” a wayward man.
Simply put, many women are rescuers. It’s a challenge for them to reform an incorrigible man. These women think, Sure, he gets into trouble, but I can change him! Ego is involved as well. It’s inflating when a woman feels like she is the only one who can transform a man.

4. The appetite for adventure.
Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.

 

 

 

 

 

How watching the Red Wings and other hockey games gets you more sex

 

As a red blooded Canadian girl I understand the appeal of hockey.  In Canada hockey (and Tim Horton’s coffee) is as close as we have to a national religion.There is something about padded guys in hockey jerseys skating around at high speed and winging rubber at each other that gets your heart racing. Fights where a couple of goons go at each other, wild action and big hits are always entertaining to watch. And don’t get me started on the sexy hockey beards…

I’ve long known that if I played my cards right I can usually get sex while watching sports. I written before about the  Monday Night Football half time romp. And my flirty date nights after an evening watching the Sens at Scotiabank Place during those cold winter nights.

But until the new study came out from the University of Michigan, I didn’t have the science of my sports and sex correlation. The University did a great study that involved checking the saliva of men in the stands before and after a Red Wings game to determine their testosterone levels.  (Did  mention that I would be happy to personally check the saliva of the boys in red myself? but I digress…) With no surprise to me watching all of that beef cake win encourages fans to increase their testosterone level by up to 30% – especially of they win. Testosterone is your aggression, sex and brawn type hormone, and will encourage your sweetie to focus on you once the whistle is blown.

Now with the Red Wings going into game 7 against the dreaded Sharks you can’t help but be encouraged about some upcoming “sexy time”. Couple that with some deep fried calamari ( seafood is high in zinc – the sex mineral.and Red Wing fans throw squids on the ice- Yup those large rubbery sea creatures when they score a goal),  and you’ve got a recipe for lov’n.

Go wings go.

Why men need to chill before they can interact. It’s all about the hormones.


I’m reading John Gray’s new book Venus on Fire and Mars on Ice about male and female hormonal changes. Now John Gray is an interesting guy. He is the #1 best selling realtionship therapist in history with his book about the differences between men and women (Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus). He has some insights into gender (especially understanding guys) and he credits the latest scientific research for how interaction can impact our physical selves. It’s a very interesting understanding that how we get along increases of decreases or hormones. And if you’ve been reading my blog (www.loveandlipstick.com) you’ll know that it’s ALL about your hormones.

His new book explains why men and women behave the way they do.

The truth is we all need to fill up our hormonal bucket before we can interact with our spouse. Men ave been dealing with the world all day and all they want to do when they come home is turn on Sports Center, ope a beer and zone out. Women have laundry, dishes, dinner and need to conect an talk about our days to unwind. The last thing men want to do is talk about their day.

It turns out tha men need quiet to recharge their main hormone- testosterone. Women on the other hand, need to nurture and be nurtured in order to replenish their oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is women’s main “feel better” hormone.

Gray goes onto explain that besides zoning out, men get charged by 1. solving problems. 2. feeling needed. Women on the other hand, feel better when they 1. have a listening ear 2. care and cluck over a loved one.

Which translates into him wanting to solve you problem, and you needed just a a chance to air out how you’re feeling. John Gray makes a good point. He says that when women feel like they aren’t fixing things it bugs them. It is that feeling times ten for men. And if a guy is ignored it stings, but it is that feeling times ten when a women isn’t acknowledged.

Good points and what’s interesting is that how you interact GREATLY impacts your health and physcal self. It’s only been in the last few years that we’ve had the research to say that human interaction WILL affect our bodies. Just like stressed people have heat attacks, men who have sex live longer, and people are able to keep their hormones up (and thus be healthier) if they understand the kind of daily human interaction they need.

Happy Endings. The new comedy or what happens at the end of an Asian rub and tug experience?


I actually want to talk a little about both kinds of Happy Endings. The phrase Happy endings used to invoke thought of fairy tales and “happily ever after”… Now as a sex therapist I think about the “jack shacks” or the new breed of masseuse when I hear it. I had an interview with Pauline from Michelle’s massage in Ottawa recently about her expertise in prostate massage. She claims to have given over 10,000 orgasms. She gives a good massage, and specializes in internal prostate tickles. Check out the 40 minute step-by-step audio at www.sexwithsue.com.

She says she has licensed RMT’s working part time for her, and has a whole group of friendly, knowldegable staff that do 20 minute massages and are booked at the half hour. They aren’t strictly speaking, legal. But if you are licensed with no drugs and use women over 18 the vice department usually looks the other way.

Now ABC has a new comedy with the same name. Happy Endings starring Elisha Cuthbert of 24 fame will debut tonight. I wonder if anyone is getting the name mixed up on Google? Here is the new comedy trailer…http://abc.go.com/shows/happy-endings Think of an updated Friends with six buds who hang together and are trying to figure it out. Sound familiar? But I don’t hink they have a Phoebe massage therapist character who offers up the goods.

The new O shot! A simple way to re-kindle women’s ability to achieve orgasms.

I had a great meeting with week with Dr. Belanger who runs Inovo Medical in Ottawa. He is one of the pioneers of plasma injected …

The realization that you need to be desired in order to be turned on.

Everyone wants to feel wanted. In fact I would even say it’s a basic need of sex to be desired by your partner. For …

Low Libido and improving desire workshop starting this November 2017.

Low libido or decreased sexual desire is still the #1 thing seen by Sex Therapists in North America. In my office low desire …

It’s Oktoberfest! Understand how drinking the right kind of beer can increase your sex life!

If you are planning on taking in some of the Oktoberfest celebrations this October you might want to pay attention to the …

The season of Sex. Great fall date night suggestions to take advantage of snuggling under the covers weather.

Did you know that there is a season for sex? It turns out it’s fall when moose, sheep and apparently people go into …