Category: Orgasms

How women can learn to have an orgasm


I have had a number young, female patients of late who are struggling to reach orgasm during sex. Nice women, in good relationships who are frustrated that they aren`t reaching orgasm during intercourse. Forget what you are seeing on the porn sites (shove it in, bang away for hours, and she`s moaning in Ecstasy). Unless you have trained your vagina to reach a G spot orgasm, or are stimulating her clitoris, she`s not going to be anywhere close to reaching orgasm.

These women are often surprised by the fact that only 30% of women regularly reach orgasm during intercourse. I`m getting the slack-jawed, `what do you mean most women don`t climax during intercourse?…`reaction. She comes first is a good rule of thumb.  I try to explain that typically couples will engage oral sex and loads of foreplay first. Unless you get the right position, she`s up for a ride on top, you`ve got some help in the form of fingers, we vibe or vibrating cock ring, her clit is tucked up high and neglected.

I offer a couple of suggestions for women struggling with orgasms.

1. Get some clitoral orgasm cream to open up the blood flow to your genitals

2. Add a vibrator to your bedside table and get yourself stimulated before you engage in intercourse

3. Female on top position, or `closed-legs missionary“ gives you the best options for reaching orgasm

4. Lots of lube and have your partner explore with tongue and fingers before, during and after intercourse.


How to achieve female ejaculation, and Gspot orgasms. More instructional videos,

I'm still miffed about last week's study ("no sex please, we're British") in the UK that claimed women can't ejaculate. I've had a number of emails in response to my rant about female ejacualtion and reaching a g spot orgasm. I've made it my life's work (at least over the last ten years) to tell women that they aren't freaks becasue they produce gallons of ejaculate and enjoy vaginal stimulation as much as clitoral touch.

I came across these two instructional but graphic videos that help show some simple g spot techniques. Make sure you turn down your sound when viewing them at work. It may help answer some questions.

It's cool when women can control thier bodies. Don't let some anal retentive scientist get you down.

The G-spot ‘doesn’t appear to exist’, say researchers – give me 10 minutes and I’ll prove you wrong!

Argh!  Another study that tries to prove that the G spot doesn't exist! ,

The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.

Their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine is the biggest yet, involving 1,800 women, and it found no proof.

The King's College London team believe the G-spot may be a figment of women's imagination, encouraged by magazines and sex therapists.

But sexologist Beverley Whipple, who helped popularise the G-spot idea, said the work was "flawed".  You tell 'em Beverley.

"This is by far the biggest study ever carried out and shows fairly conclusively that the idea of a G-spot is subjective."

The Gräfenberg Spot, or G-Spot, was named in honour of the German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg who described it over 50 years ago. It is said to sit in the front wall of the vagina some 2-5cm up.

Recently Italian scientists claimed they could locate the G-spot using ultrasound scans.

They said they had found an area of thicker tissue among the women reporting orgasms.

I get so frustrated with these studies. How can I, and many of the women I know, have taught, or have witnessed personally be so dismissed?  Out comes clear, clover-smelling liquid, and offers a huge release. I know it, as do millions of other women. Sigh. Women I've spoken to know that they can release loads of fluid, and have a "different" kind of orgasm. I can't believe since so many women experience it, that they are still poking and prodding. Go to the site, and get my FREE 10 steps for reaching a G spot orgasm. I am so confident of it, that if you don't get it, I'll send you a copy of the whole book- Quivering Jello if you quote this blog. Unless you've had pelvic surgery, I'm confident you'll get there. Don't give up or believe alot of uptight british researchers who don't know where to look.

Female ejaculate- What is that sticky stuff I squirt anyway?

related topics:,,,,M1

Squirt4 I was having a discussion of female ejaculation and it’s properties with a couple of other people over the holidays. One of my patients wondered about the chemical make up of female “squirting fluid”, and “where does it all come from?” He mentioned that his one experience with a women who produced large amount of fluid, and how the fluid seemed to dry unnaturally fast. It seemed to evaporate quickly and he wanted to know how the whole thing worked.

In my experience, female ejaculate is clear, slightly sticky, and depending on the time of the month either smells stronger (muskier or more urine-like) or fresh and more clover smelling. Women’s ejaculate is similar in composition to male prostate fluid (without semen qualities). It turns out that women have a tiny remnant prostate (and can be tested on a PSA test for the presence of prostate antigens).

Dr. Shannon Bell at York University, tested her ejaculate and found it had a higher ph, less urea, and less creatinine.  There is also glucose (sugar) that gives the fluid it’s taste and sticky texture. When the g spot is stimulated (and it is an organ you can feel with experience, not just a spot on the vaginal wall). The ten tips on www.sexwithsue.comtell you how to achieve a g spot orgasm (all women’s g spots vary in sensitivity from slightly numb to extremely sensitive). You can also get the squirting documentary we produced at www.schoolofsquirting.comto see real people learning and achieving real female ejaculations.

Why seated leg curls almost make me orgasm

Exercise1 I’m back exercising everyday after a winter of slothfulness. The 6:30 slog to the Y to be greeted Norm-like (where everyone knows your name) and yawning and stretching clamor onto the weight machines. I alternate between doing my arm and legs to give each set a day of rest before I crawl onto the cardio machine for the treadmill shuffle. I’ve been noticing a change in recent days – like this morning- when I’m doing my seated leg curls. You know the exercise, where you clench your bum muscles and press the bar under your knees back and forth. I’m finding that I don’t want to get off of it. In fact I’m almost getting OFF on it, if you catch my drift.

I was explaining to a patient recently about the endorphins rush at point of orgasm and how it makes us feel good. Certain foods (high in sugar and caffeine like chocolate) also give you that rush, and apparently so does exercise. I have never felt it before, but I got to tell you, I’m feeling pretty tingly doing those leg weights. I don’t know if it is a function of getting more sex (yup, we are still on track for the 300 times this year), that I may be getting fitter, or my body has figured out a way to move in such a way that I am getting rewarded.  I’m certainly not complaining, but just when you think you’ve got your body figured out you go and do something new and cool.Exercise like an exercise "tingle". Makes me look forward to the inner thigh presses I’ve got lined up tomorrow. smile. 

The P Spot or “Bend over Boyfriend”

Prostate The P Spot

One of the things my friend Kerrie said she would wish for if she ever happened to trip over a lamp and be granted three wishes, would be to have some genie turn her an fantastic lover.  When I did an informal survey at a dinner party I was attending, most people concurred and voiced their not-so-secret desire to be known as “great in bed”.  Secret tips on how to “drive your man wild in bed” are still the most common titles on popular selling women’s magazines. Everyone it seems, wants to know the one secret that will give you the edge, and turn anyone you’re sleeping with into a quivering mass of jell-o.  Who doesn’t want to find out about those magical places on their partners body that when gently touched, makes then go weak in the knees.   Like most women I start purring when my ear is nibbled but I digress here.  We all want to push the button and turn on our lovers.   But of all the places and erogenous zones on the human body, none are more interesting nor elusive than the mysterious P Spot.

The P Spot is the male equivalent of the female G-spot.  Located internally as part of the prostate gland in the lower rectum, the P Spot is sometimes tricky to access, but from every account I’ve ever heard of men who’ve reached  P Spot orgasms, the resulting pleasure is well worth the effort.    So what is the P Spot, how is it associated with the prostate,  and where do the orgasms come in ?  Here’s the skinny so you can be in the know when you compare your sexual prowess with that of your neighbors.

The prostate gland is the size of a chestnut, and it surrounds the urethra and vas defrens  like a donut,  and is located close to the bottom muscle of the bladder.  It’s made up of muscle, nerves, blood vessels and fat mixed in with a large amount of fluid secreting glandular cells.  It is these cells that make up most of the fluid that is semen.  That “loving spoonful” that men produce upon ejaculation.  This is an area rich with blood and nerves and is tender to the touch (as anyone who has experienced the gloved, rectal exam can attest). These nerve ending cluster in the same place as the G-spot in women, and with these nerves all resonating in and around the genitals, it is understandable why, with a little experience and the right touch, stimulation in this area feels great.  It is also proven that men with prostate stimulation do ejaculate.  In fact, getting a sperm sample from men with spinal cord injuries and parapeligia requires inserting a small thumbnail size vibrator into the rectum and turning it on.  The vibration causes ejaculation every time, showing that orgasms can result from a different set of stimuli from the penis.

So how do you translate this information into a mind blowing orgasms for your sweetie? First you’ve got to develop an understanding of the anatomy.  The prostate lie directly over the perinium, the space between the anus and the back of the testicles.  If you or your partner are squeemish about your playing proctologist and exploring the neither regions of his lower rectum, then the good news is that you can stimulate this spot by applying pressure to this area outside of the body.  Just find that middle point and along that inch and a half space behind his testicles and press firmly with your thumb.  It would help the process considerably, if you happen to play with his penis before, during and after you go for the serious accupressure  on his perinium.  This isn’t true P- Spot stimulation, but it creates enough prostate action to enhance the experience.P_spot

Air conditioned ejaculations

Cold2 I’ve heard of something new sexually that I hadn’t heard of before. I have a friend (yes, a friend), that tells of his difficulty in ejaculating when his body temperature is elevated. He can become like the energizer bunny thrusting away, and can get close, but the orgasm won’t trip if he is at all sweaty. He said he has been like this since he first started masturbating, and for obvious reasons keeps his house thermastat set very low at night. Without air conditioning, his summer nights would be frustrating. It happens everytime, for as long as he’s been sexual.  If he’s physically hot, he can get erect, and thrust forever, but can’t come. If I were his partner I would think about sabotaging the thermastat. Smile.

Having never experienced this or even read about it, I went searching to see if it was a unique phenomenon. Google had nothing. Only some sites related to getting pregnant, and resting body tempertaure for sperm production, and a mention of a high blood pressure medication raising your body temp, and causing delayed ejaculation.  So is my friend really unique?  Thinking there isn’t alot new in sex, I wonder what other quirks are out there?  Can’t come unless you scream like a banshee, hop up and down on one foot, or pluck your chest hairs? I’m going to make it my mission to ferret out new and interesting sexual mutations and bring them to the light of day. The longer I’m a sex therapist, the more I know that everyone has something. And finding out about other people’s sexual mutations may make yours seem all that much tamer. Cold

An orgasm by definition…

Masturbation2 I have a few female patients who visit me because of their struggle to reach orgasm. Man, you’ve gotta feel for them. I don’t climax climbing stairs, but let’s just say that I’ve had close encounters with  dryers vibrating quickly, and western riding saddles among many, many other things. A daily occurance in my life, and considering I wrote a bestselling book on orgasms (in Canada if you sell 8,000 copies that puts you in the "best selling league" – so don’t be overly impressed), I should be able to articulate a decent description of the big O.  You would think. I however get a bit flummoxed when I was trying to explain to a man recently what vaginal G spot sensations actually feel like to me. A regular occurance that I am intimately familiar with, and even without the soul of a poet, I should be able to spit it out.  The trouble is my brain turns to goo during the process, and it’s foggy in remembering the joy. Hormonal soup, intense sensation, combined with a decent ab workout. In the afterglow, small words are a better choice, so writing it down when it’s happening and the experience is fresh in my head is difficult. My book was called "Quivering Jello" for a reason. I’m one of the lucky ones that consistently reach orgasms vaginally. I get there clitorally too, but they feel different.  Very different,  -at least to me. I don’t know which way I would go if I ever had to choose between them. I’m hopeful they will take me right into old age.

The clitoral explosions, take way more work from a partner, and come easily when I’m by myself. I can come clitorally when I’m on top, or being stimulated orally. Other than that or a good external vibe, they have never happened. They are the morning vibrator, or get-down-there-boy kind of climaxes. Clitoral orgasms feel to me more topical, sharp, and external. A feeling that I would described as kind of sunshine, candy and light.

The very different feeling G-spot vaginal ones feel deeper, wetter, more about sultry and smoke – and when they build they are almost out-of-body explosions.  I can climax vaginally with a partner with strong fingers, or the combination of stamina, pounding intercourse, and a great fit. Even with those damn gspot vibrators I can’t get enough leverage to get me off vaginally when I’m alone. But if you pay attention and find the spot, then I really do start speaking in tongues. The feeling of having someone inside you can range from intrusive to the most intimate thing ever imaginable. It’s the fit (not the size) that matters. When intercourse (or a guy with magic hands) is good, and I trust him, I start feeling like everything is focused on a building internal pressure somewhere behind my bellybutton, and then is released in a swell of fluid.  It feels like a wave inside. Tilt the hips up, and give me torque, and lots of it. It may not work for everyone, but I seem to find my happy place if you can do that.  It becomes the inside  dance,  that if it goes on long enough has me seeing colours, and feeling the preverbial earth move. When a serious tantric practitioner once described the build-up charge of sexual tension between two people that was his definition of tantra, it sounded like what I feel when I get the right pieces touching my G spot. Hallululah. A sensation all the way to my sternum, or anyplace from my hips up, the tightening, and "pop" of release. You know, that intense pleasure.  And the kick is better than any drug I’ve ever tried. Even, gasp, better than chocolate.

So bring ’em on Sailor.

Don’t mind me, I’m just having an orgasm

It’s funny how sex is everywhere if you know where to look.  Just back from a trip to Florida (3 days at Disney, a little sand, water, and palm trees and back to snow) sigh… Anyway I was sitting behind a couple of honeymooners who had a blanket across thier laps, and I’m sure did a little stroke and tickle at 30,000 feet.  Not quite the ass inthe sink in the washroom as a mile high experience, but fun nonetheless.

My friend, let’s call her Becky, was telling me how she used to reach orgasm all afternoon inthe University library while studying for her exams. She said the desk tops in a certain private back section of the McGill library were just the right height for rubbing against, and she used to reward herself whenever she finished a section of studying. I had another friend who claimed that her heel under her hips in her rocking chair at her parents house, always sent her over the edge.  All I have is a bunch of vibrators under my desk.  That reminds me, maybe it’s time to end this blog early. hmmmm

Let’s all celebrate out own private orgasms.