Category: Seniors and Sex

How being sexy can make you live longer

I used to talk to my clients about why being more intimate was good fro your relationship. And obviously that it felt good to do. Now I talk about it related to health. In the last two decades all the research suggests that sex does much more than be a fun, free activity. It is remarkably good for you. 

Longevity research has gotten lots of publicity lately with National Geographic funding the “Blue Zone Study” about the places in the world where humans live the longest. The UK has now funded a Ministry of Loneliness after proving that community is one of the main markers for health and long life. Community, sex and having three people you can count on are all markers for living into your ninth decade. 
A Harvard University study done in August 2018 identified five key habits that could potentially add a decade to life expectancy, including eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and drinking only moderately. Find out how adding sensuality to your life can have you living longer. 

You can read the whole article here.

Other suggestions include taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking coffee and a small amount of the locally distilled alcohol, avoid early retirement and don’t act your age.

Finding time to get naked and sexy seems ket. I did an interview this week with Joanne Laucius from Postmedia about sex and older adults.We are still getting it on and finding new ways to connect with sex partners. She raised the question is it the endorphins from sex or is it the fact that we are connecting and being intimate with someone that helped healthy aging? I think it’s both but either way as your friendly, neighborhood Sex Therapist I’m encouraging you to get it on.

There was

Interesting new sex study has just been published. It’s not our age but the age that we feel that determines our sexual satisfaction

Your sex life is only as old as you feel
Tuesday, may 30, 2017
The closer you feel to your actual age, the less likely you are to be satisfied with your sex life, a University of Waterloo study has found.

The study looked at the attitudes of sex and aging of a group of 1170 adults from their mid-40s to their mid-70s over a 10-year period.

The group, which included people of diverse sexual orientation, reported that the closer people felt to their chronological age, the lower the quality of their sex life.

“What was clear from the data is that feeling younger had a huge impact on how people felt about the quality of their sex life and how interested they were in having sex,” said Steven Mock, an associate professor in Recreation and Leisure Studies at Waterloo. “For people in mid to later life, feeling young at heart actually appears to make a difference in the bedroom.”

The research drew upon data collected in the Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) study in the between 1995 and 2005. The MIDUS study is a national longitudinal study of health and wellbeing in the United States and measures the physical and mental health of participants over a period of decades.

“It’s important to consider all of the different psychosocial and biological factors that might influence a person’s sexuality,” said Amy Estill, who led the research while completing her Master’s degree at Waterloo. “While feeling younger didn’t have an impact on how much sex people were having, it was quite clear that feeling older does impact the quality of the sex you’re having,”

The study was recently published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Baby Boomers sex and those sexual infections. Prudent or paranoid?

couples1We Baby Boomers are a randy bunch. It turns out that many a Boomers are doing the boom at least a few times a month. Although I am almost a Gen X born at the end of the free love of the 60’s, I have certainly been influenced by my Mother who burned her bra with Betty Freidan and my Dad who discoed up a storm.

It turns out that in the spirit of “love thy Neighbor” has continued to the Boomers who are now 50 plus. And they are doing it without as much latex as they should. They are grown ups, you think they would know better. The number of STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) are up among older adults. It’s something to be worried about yes, but is it an epidemic? There is a place in Central Florida call The Villages that hit the news because their STI percentage rates in people over 60 were up. But The stats are alarmist. The numbers are really cases that went from 5 reported in a year to 9 reported in a year. But with a 40% increase it hit USA today as a story.

The number of reportable STI’s in the entire City of Ottawa in 2010 was 2926. That’s a population of over 1 million people. The number of cases reported in people over the age of 44 was 51.

51 cases over 44 in over 1 million people. Should you be aware – yes. Should the risk of sexual infections keep you up night and prevent you from taking someone new for a test drive, I think if you’re careful -no. However, I’ll let you decide.

“For baby boomers the situation may be a bit more complicated. To begin with, there are physical changes that may increase the risk of infection. As women age, the Student BMJ researchers noted,the thinning of the lining of the vagina and a loss of lubrication make tiny abrasions more likely, creating entry points for viruses. Change in vaginal pH after menopause may also increase risk.”

More and more senior adults are trying online and multiple partner dating and may think that STI’s are something that doesn’t impact them. Add that to the use of Cialis, Viagra and the new Staxyn drugs and you’ve got sex going on longer, and more vigorously later in life (yeah!)

The good news is that there are ways to protect yourself. Here is the steps I advise to anyone having multiple partners.
1. Get the Twinrix Hepatitis A and B vaccine to protect you from 2 of the 3 Hepatitis infections. Hep C is transmitted through blood.

2. Get the Gardasil vaccine. It prevents the HPV virus transmission and the contracting of genital warts and cervical cancer. Even men can get the vaccine so they can prevent the transmission of the virus. Don’t let your physician tell you that men don’t need it. You can assure any potential partners that you are clean of the possibility of warts. And HPV is transmitted by touch so condoms alone won’t prevent the transmission.

3. Get a back up 10 day supply of antibiotics. Doctors are reluctant to just give you some, but many will give you a prescription if you are traveling. If the condom breaks, or you have an unprotected experience you can use a dose of antibiotics to prevent any bacteria based STI like Chlamydia or Gonorrhea.

4. Oral sex and manual sex (hand jobs) are fairly safe provided there is no cold sores or rash present or if there is a foul infectious odor. In any case of bacteria STI’s I have ever seen, there was a smell or rash. A sniff and a check under the hood in bright light means that oral can be done without much risk of transmission.

5. Sorry, but for intercourse, condoms are the only thing that prevents transmission.

Follow the steps, get tested, and be prudent (not paranoid that doesn’t have you leaving the house) and you can be one of those hot, sexy seniors. If you are a hip Boomer (or younger) and want to stay sexy (while not turning into your parents) consider joining the Duckling social group. Sexy but safe is our mission statement.

More Twinkles in Wrinkles. Sex and Seniors

Whatever else aging does, it does not kill the sex drive.

As part of my recent series of speeches to Senior’s community centers, residences, and senior’s professionals I’m pulling out some of the new research into how many ORF’s (old, retired, folks) are now getting it on. It’s way more than you think. If you’re a Baby Boomer (or know one) it’s time to get the full monty on sex and seniors. Come and here all about it at the “Over the Hill and Under the Sheets” on Sex and Seniors talk this April. It’s at the beautiful Promenade Alaveda Lifestyles Residence in Orleans at 10th line on April 24th , 2013 from 2 to 4 pm. The Promenade is one of those retirement building that serves martini’s and organizes daily seniors adventures. And they talk about sex. I seems like an elegant spring break for older adults. I want to retire there. It’s free, there is food and I’ll have love oil. Smile. If you want to come, send a note to Liette at Hope to see you there.

“The switch doesn’t flip off” as you age in regards to your sexuality. It’s not just one person over 60 that is having sex. It’s most of the people you know over 60. Helen Mirron, Jack Nicholson, and Merele Streep are all in their 60’s. Does anyone really think they aren’t having sex?

And if the world at large thinks seniors can’t keep up sexually then they couldn’t be more wrong.

“One of the most noteworthy features of reports of sexual problems is their relative similarity across all age groups,” Says Dr.Waite a John Hopkins researcher. “If [women] continue to be sexually active they appear not to be much more likely to have problems with sexual function at older than at younger ages … sexually active older men seem to function at much the same level as sexually active younger men, with a few exceptions, not all of which favor younger men.”

It turns out the fastest rate of STI’s are in people over 50. They aren’t getting it from the toilet bowl. That doesn’t mean it’s epidemic.

Here’s why I think seniors are sexier.

People over 50 are also the largest group of new buyers of vibrators. And technology is your friend. I have some coupons if you want to get together for a girls night out and get yourself a BOB- a battery operated boyfriend. Tuesday’s the Romance store will give you 10% off anything in the store if you use my name when buying from them.

Men 70 and up are 20 times more likely to have sexual fantasies that women in the same age group. And men and women’s fantasies are different. No big surprise there.

The brand new study in this month’s issue of Internal medicine says that older adults who drink coffee have an increase in desire and a relaxation of the smooth muscles which leads to decreased impotence and increased sexual activity. Or maybe they are having more sex because they just can’t sleep.

Sex is a basic need. Once your tummy’s are full, your thoughts turn to sex. The benefits and impact of sexual activity. second most powerful drive after food,

Seniors are the generation that equalized the sexes. They are those wondrous baby boomers. The loud, the proud, the many. Baby Boomers introduced the sexual revolution in the 50’s with the advent of penicillin, and continued it in the 60’s with free love and the pill. Now that they are 60’s and the revolution lives on. Senors are sexy. They are now the group in leather clad motorcycle commercials to Cialis singing septuagenarians in the shower with “oh what a beautiful morning”.

According to the National Council on Aging study, Sex is becoming more and more a normal part of senior life. The combination of people living longer and breakthroughs in treatments for impotency have contributed to seniors enjoying sex and intimacy later in life. I think we’re in the midst of a social evolution as more and more people come out and say, ‘I’m not the only person over 60 who’s having sex. So is my next-door neighbor.

I speak about beyond the birds and bees, popular topic of bio-identical hormones, and I do a presentation about how even superwomen get stretchmarks. My Putting a twinkle in your wrinkle talk is by far the most popular topic, in a world that wants to know what’s new and cutting edge in the world of human sexuality. The truth is that seniors are having sex. And while Society tends to mock the very idea that people over 60 even think about sex, much less have it Sex among people who have started cashing in their rrsp’s is the hottest topic around. I told my teenage kids I was speaking on old people having sex. When I tell people it’s likely that many seniors are still sexually active there is this collective groan. So with all of that, why is there still this slight taboo about seniors having hat, racy sex? It seems that we love to see Grandma and Grandpa running marathons, volunteering and taking tap class. But imagining them doing the mattress mambo is another story. God Forbid people over 70 have sex or even hold hands! I don’t know about you but I am tired of old age being depicted as a problem, a tomb bomb, a menace or a scourge. I’m sick of it being couched in terms of dependency. Growing older can be often be sexy.

80 year old hot sex

Older12 I want to be old and still very sexy. I was presenting yesterday at the annual Stroke Survivors on Sex after Stroke about what you can do to keep it hot after you experience a stroke, and options for sexual functioning if you are differently abled. I also sang the song I made up about why you should keep boffing. “I had a stroke, I was a drag, but now I’m feeling aroused and frisky.”… is the first line.  I sing badly, know only one cord on my tiny-out-of-tune guitar, but speaking is about making the audience smile, and everyone seems to like my made up songs.

Anyway, I had two couples talk to me among a bunch of occupational therapists after the presentation.  One was there after being married a month ago and had camped across the Province wearing out their new air mattresses. He had had a stroke a number of years ago, and this couple were both in their pensionable years. The other story was about an even more senior couple who thanked me for making them feel like their sex life was still normal.  They had gone from sex twice a week, to sex only once a week after her stroke. She then privately asked me a few questions about sex toys. I couldn’t stop grinning. It is something I aspire to doing, being old and still very sexually active, and here was my role model among many I met yesterday. She was still having a marvelous life with her husband, and thought it was the coolest thing I had heard in a while. I want to be like her. Doing it, until they take me away in a box. Amen.

Being flashed by men in their 80’s

Men2 I know I’ve been missing in action.  Busy getting ready for the holidays, organizing choas, blah,blah blah, but most significantly has been an interesting crop of new patients.

I’m gettting more and more patients in their senior years. They still have the urge, when asked, most of them felt that they would like sex at least daily if they could find a willing partner. In their 70’s and 80’s. yeah It turns out that we all want to have sex until they take us away in a box.

I had an interesting experience this week, when one of my 80 year old erectile dysfunction patients (hey, they’re not all impotent, it’s just way more prevelant than say, premature ejaculation) decided to flash me in my office.  Uncircumcised, and without the “shaving private Ryan” experience, I realized that despite his aging issues, he still thought of himself as virile and attractive. Okay, it looked a bit like a small sausage, but he was obviously still proud of his equipment.  Needed to show it off.  I consider it an occupational hazard.

When I’m 80, I want to be interested in flashing someone half my age and making it count. As long as you use it as often as possible, watch the cholesteral, and do those keegal exercise (clench your bum and internal muscles while you are sitting there), you should still have both the desire and equipment to keep up that boffing into old age. Here’s to aging while still getting it on.