Category: Sex over 40

How being sexy can make you live longer

I used to talk to my clients about why being more intimate was good fro your relationship. And obviously that it felt good to do. Now I talk about it related to health. In the last two decades all the research suggests that sex does much more than be a fun, free activity. It is remarkably good for you. 

Longevity research has gotten lots of publicity lately with National Geographic funding the “Blue Zone Study” about the places in the world where humans live the longest. The UK has now funded a Ministry of Loneliness after proving that community is one of the main markers for health and long life. Community, sex and having three people you can count on are all markers for living into your ninth decade. 
A Harvard University study done in August 2018 identified five key habits that could potentially add a decade to life expectancy, including eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly and drinking only moderately. Find out how adding sensuality to your life can have you living longer. 

You can read the whole article here.

Other suggestions include taking a walk, getting enough sleep, drinking coffee and a small amount of the locally distilled alcohol, avoid early retirement and don’t act your age.

Finding time to get naked and sexy seems ket. I did an interview this week with Joanne Laucius from Postmedia about sex and older adults.We are still getting it on and finding new ways to connect with sex partners. She raised the question is it the endorphins from sex or is it the fact that we are connecting and being intimate with someone that helped healthy aging? I think it’s both but either way as your friendly, neighborhood Sex Therapist I’m encouraging you to get it on.

There was

More Twinkles in Wrinkles. Sex and Seniors

Whatever else aging does, it does not kill the sex drive.

As part of my recent series of speeches to Senior’s community centers, residences, and senior’s professionals I’m pulling out some of the new research into how many ORF’s (old, retired, folks) are now getting it on. It’s way more than you think. If you’re a Baby Boomer (or know one) it’s time to get the full monty on sex and seniors. Come and here all about it at the “Over the Hill and Under the Sheets” on Sex and Seniors talk this April. It’s at the beautiful Promenade Alaveda Lifestyles Residence in Orleans at 10th line on April 24th , 2013 from 2 to 4 pm. The Promenade is one of those retirement building that serves martini’s and organizes daily seniors adventures. And they talk about sex. I seems like an elegant spring break for older adults. I want to retire there. It’s free, there is food and I’ll have love oil. Smile. If you want to come, send a note to Liette at Hope to see you there.

“The switch doesn’t flip off” as you age in regards to your sexuality. It’s not just one person over 60 that is having sex. It’s most of the people you know over 60. Helen Mirron, Jack Nicholson, and Merele Streep are all in their 60’s. Does anyone really think they aren’t having sex?

And if the world at large thinks seniors can’t keep up sexually then they couldn’t be more wrong.

“One of the most noteworthy features of reports of sexual problems is their relative similarity across all age groups,” Says Dr.Waite a John Hopkins researcher. “If [women] continue to be sexually active they appear not to be much more likely to have problems with sexual function at older than at younger ages … sexually active older men seem to function at much the same level as sexually active younger men, with a few exceptions, not all of which favor younger men.”

It turns out the fastest rate of STI’s are in people over 50. They aren’t getting it from the toilet bowl. That doesn’t mean it’s epidemic.

Here’s why I think seniors are sexier.

People over 50 are also the largest group of new buyers of vibrators. And technology is your friend. I have some coupons if you want to get together for a girls night out and get yourself a BOB- a battery operated boyfriend. Tuesday’s the Romance store will give you 10% off anything in the store if you use my name when buying from them.

Men 70 and up are 20 times more likely to have sexual fantasies that women in the same age group. And men and women’s fantasies are different. No big surprise there.

The brand new study in this month’s issue of Internal medicine says that older adults who drink coffee have an increase in desire and a relaxation of the smooth muscles which leads to decreased impotence and increased sexual activity. Or maybe they are having more sex because they just can’t sleep.

Sex is a basic need. Once your tummy’s are full, your thoughts turn to sex. The benefits and impact of sexual activity. second most powerful drive after food,

Seniors are the generation that equalized the sexes. They are those wondrous baby boomers. The loud, the proud, the many. Baby Boomers introduced the sexual revolution in the 50’s with the advent of penicillin, and continued it in the 60’s with free love and the pill. Now that they are 60’s and the revolution lives on. Senors are sexy. They are now the group in leather clad motorcycle commercials to Cialis singing septuagenarians in the shower with “oh what a beautiful morning”.

According to the National Council on Aging study, Sex is becoming more and more a normal part of senior life. The combination of people living longer and breakthroughs in treatments for impotency have contributed to seniors enjoying sex and intimacy later in life. I think we’re in the midst of a social evolution as more and more people come out and say, ‘I’m not the only person over 60 who’s having sex. So is my next-door neighbor.

I speak about beyond the birds and bees, popular topic of bio-identical hormones, and I do a presentation about how even superwomen get stretchmarks. My Putting a twinkle in your wrinkle talk is by far the most popular topic, in a world that wants to know what’s new and cutting edge in the world of human sexuality. The truth is that seniors are having sex. And while Society tends to mock the very idea that people over 60 even think about sex, much less have it Sex among people who have started cashing in their rrsp’s is the hottest topic around. I told my teenage kids I was speaking on old people having sex. When I tell people it’s likely that many seniors are still sexually active there is this collective groan. So with all of that, why is there still this slight taboo about seniors having hat, racy sex? It seems that we love to see Grandma and Grandpa running marathons, volunteering and taking tap class. But imagining them doing the mattress mambo is another story. God Forbid people over 70 have sex or even hold hands! I don’t know about you but I am tired of old age being depicted as a problem, a tomb bomb, a menace or a scourge. I’m sick of it being couched in terms of dependency. Growing older can be often be sexy.

How is our fertility changing? Weighing in 9 year olds giving birth and 50 year old women getting egg donations.

fertilityThe current research blames the growth hormones in the meat and milk.
That and more exposure to adult men in families that are NOT biological fathers are some of the theories that many explain girls as young as 8 regularly getting their periods. From an evolutionary point of view the lowering of the reproductive age of girls is unprecedented in the history of mankind. At a time when kids are learning how to give change for a dollar, they are dealing with sexual feelings as their bodies are changing. Far earlier than any generation before them. Eek!

It came to the forefront this week with the news that a 9-year-old Mexican girl, under the reported name of Dafne, gave birth to a baby girl in Jalisco, Mexico.

Dafne, who is one of 11 children, lives in Ixtlahuacan de los Membrillos, a poverty-stricken neighborhood 25 miles south of Guadalajara. “Her parents work all day and were not watching after her,” says Corona, “and therefore didn’t realize what was about to happen.”

How terrifying is that. I know two girls that have had their periods by age 10.

What does this mean when our bodies are changing this early? I am doing some Government mandated counseling for women in their 40’s who are about to undergo fertility treatments. In Ontario if you use human tissue (embryo, sperm donation etc) you have to undergo mandatory counseling. Lots of time the process doesn’t work and it women are taken aback that they can’t control their fertility. With contraception you can control not getting pregnant. Thus you should be able to control your fertility. It doesn’t work that way. Despite menopause changing (some people think it’s the estrogens and PCB’s leeching out from all of those plastic containers) We don’t control our bodies when it comes to reproduction. If you are 50 and look 35, it doesn’t matter. Your eggs are OLD, and you are infertile without loads of help. And even then.

With these changing fertility age guideline it may be that we have to deal with our ability to reproduce before our daughters (or us eek!) are ready.

Jenny McCarthy, Playboy and how women pushing 40 are the new sex mavens

So Jenny McCarthy, author, centerfold, actress, Mom, comedienne, and former Mrs. Jim Carey is gracing the cover of Playboy for her 6th time. She likes these pictures of herself best. Is it that women over 40 more comfortable with themselves, or are older women coming into their beauty in a new way? Ask Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Jodi Foster, Elizabeth Hurley, Selma Haylek who all think they are at their sensuous peak in their 40’s.

I asked a couple of patients of mine this week who are in their 30’s about whether they would prefer women in their 20’s or 40’s. All said they thought women at 30 were perfect, but would prefer 40 to 20. As one patient said, “Sexy is a combination of body and attitude, and I think attitude is more important than body.”

Jenny McCarthy loves her new pictures.”I think they are classy and beautiful. I did it 20 years ago in 1993. It was kind of on my bucket list to do it again before I turned 40,” she said during an appearance on The Wendy Williams Show last week. “I’m so tired of seeing just the 20 year olds being considered sexy. I was like, ‘MILFS are hot, too.’ I’m getting better with age.”

Nursing home sex – it turns out that all the old guys are still getting some

Older3  One of my favorite patients I've ever had as a sex therapist was a man – let's call him M, who came to see me for help finding a new sexual position with his wife after surgery. He was 90 at the time, and his wife was 87. I saw him as he turned 91, and they were still working on keeping a lifetime of sexual activity going. They couldn't do my stairs, and I had to make a housecall, but what a delight they were to see. I regularly see patients in their 70's and a few in their 80's that are working hard to keep what they have going on in the sack.

I just finished Still Doing it,  intimate lives of women over 60 the video and book by Fishel and Holtzberg about the amazing, largely uncelebrated, sex lives of older women. Yeah! I can't wait to be having hot sex when I'm old.   It was a delight.

"STILL DOING IT: The Intimate Lives of Women Over Sixty is the first book to send out the battle cry, to challenge the myths and misconceptions that surround older women and sex. Women over 60 are still doing it – it being whatever turns them on, from doing humanitarian work to buying a dildo, from climbing Machu Picchu to having the best orgasms of their lives. Sex is so much more than an act – it’s a metaphor for being alive. STILL DOING IT is a call to arms. Women of all ages, stand up! Follow your passions! Fall in love! Get laid!"

I actually gave my copy to my mother for her book club. She's in her late 60's, in fabulous shape, and I know has an active sexual life. It's a suggestion for a interesting Christmas present for your Mom this holiday.

Anyway, it seems that everyone it starting to wise up that older people can still do it. A new research paper and education lecture has been touring nursing homes encouraging staff to celebrate – not make more difficult- the sex lives of their residents.

 "The research, whose details were announced today, was presented in October at the American Association of Homes and Services for the Aging conference.

"By law, you can't always lock a room, but you can offer residents some privacy," Doll said. The semi-private rooms that are typical in nursing homes pose a problem for residents who want to engage in sexual activity, either alone or with a partner, Doll added.

In fact, past research has shown that men and women continue to participate in sexual intercourse and "solo activities" well into their 70s and 80s."

We recently met a man pushing 80 at Desire Rivera MayaMexcian lifestyle and nude resort from Canada. His wife (also in her 70's who had no problem with being naked and sexual in the hot tub) had to leave the resort for a day, and gave him cart blanche to get some action if he could while she was away. That's what I want to be like. 80, at a nude resort in Mexico, and able to get sexual advances from other, like-minded people decades younger. Smile.

related topics:,,,

Cougar Dating, and why older women want “young, dumb, and full of come”

Demi Related topics:,,,,

Before Susan Sarandan (and her long time younger man Tim Robbins), and Demi Moore and Ashton made it in vogue, being a cougar (defined as “a sexually cunning 35+ female who is on the hunt for a much younger energetic male,”). Think MILF, but more aggressive.  There was an award winning website called that matched would be cougars with young, willing men. On the surface it’s a great fit. Horny young guys, older, experienced women. While men reach their sexual peak at 19 (fastest recovery, strongest ejaculation, and highest sex drive), women peak between the ages of 38 and 52. I’m so looking forward to my 40’s. Smile.

Anyway, here’s where I’m going with this. It turns out that three women are suing after they went to a club called Chapter 8 in California back in 2007 and wound up being featured on a G4 program called “Attack of the Show”  in a segment called “The Great Cougar Hunt.”

According to the suit, the ladies were portrayed as “older women who were attempting to pick up younger men at Chapter Eight, which was described (on the show) as a ‘world famous cougar hot spot.’ The segment describes cougars as the easiest and most ravenous prey for younger men.”

The cougars three respectable ladies claim they were filmed without giving consent, and swear they “were not attempting to meet or ‘hunt’ younger men, or any men for that matter, on the day the video segment was made.”  They are suing for one million dollars.

What was interesting about the stats for in it’s heyday (besides the funnyvideo of women morphing into Canadian cougars, and launching themselves at young, unsuspecting men – they had a sense of humour), was how many womensigned up discreetly. These are professional women looking for inconsequential sex, and finding in young guys that can be trained. The older girls have got to have it too.  I’ll keep you posted on the cougar lawsuit as it evolves.

Hello Mrs. Robinson. The appeal of MILF’s or those hot older women

Older1 related:,,,

I was sitting with a girlfriend the other night (single, early 40's, blonde, professional woman) going over her profile on the online dating sites. She was telling me her adventures of middle aged dating and about the men she was meeting (the good, the bad and the oh-my-God- how-about-basic-hygiene!). What she said she was so surprised about was the number of young men in their early 20's who wanted a relationship with her. There was email after email about young men who's profile spoke of their interest in older women, and women in their 20's need not apply. These were accomplished, attractive men with jobs, busy social lives, who were hot for older women. It got me thinking about why there is such a desire to have the Mrs. Robinson affair (played the the late, great Anne Bancroft) with a young guy and older woman.

The MILF (Mothers I would like to Fuck for those of you still in the dark about acronyms)conversation continued over drinks where it was the apparent that older women still have some cache. It's older women who have experience, no what they want, can order you around, and are still remarkably well preserved. But what is the real appeal? Is it Helen Mirren in a bikin at 62, or Merle Street belting out and wearing little in Mamma Mia? I asked a bunch of guys in the online chat room of the previously mentioned dating site, and they had a few thoughts.

"I was hitchhiking through Battle Creek, Michigan, and we were passing through about the time the local high school was getting out, and I was looking at the girls.

The fellow driving, kind of smiled, and said something about me thinking all the girls were really cute and good looking, and I acknowledged I was finding them attractive. I remember him saying to me that the nice thing about growing older was that you increase your range, because as you grow older you find that older women look more attractive to you than they did when you were younger.

And I’ve found that to be true. I find women in older age groups to appear increasingly attractive to me. I’m old enough now to consider women over 50 to be "younger women" and of course they’re sexy and attractive. Heck, I find women over 60 to be as sexy and attractive as younger women now.

Raquel Welch, Jane Fonda, and many others, sure look good to me."

Ted, 21 says "Experienced women are the the best in every way. Age is not a factor!"

Joe 24 "older women just ooze sex and boy do they know what theyre doing"

"grace, you're right. Older women know exactly what they are doing. I meet with an older woman once a month, and she is better than some of the women my age. By the way, I am 29, and she is 50. My only complaint with the older women are that they don't get as kinky as the younger women do. They will only do so much."



Why hot sex gets hotter after 40

Blog There is a belief put forward by sex experts that women reach their sexual peak somewhere starting in their late 30’s and ending anywhere from their 40’s to menopause depending on who you read. That’s not much consolation to the 20 odd million women with inhibited sex drive, who fall into bed every night dry and uninterested, but for women like me, now 40, and having the best sex of my life, it makes me want to sing out loud at every opportunity. Kind of like Bob Dole and Viagra, only more of a hip hop "do me babe" kind of mantra.

It may be a function of being at my sexual peak, or just that I am in a new relationship, and experiencing the new magic of being in love, or it could be that I’m just old enough and "tried" enough to know my body and ask for what I need. Or my partner could be that good (grin), and I have the time, flexibility and connection with him to really make it zing. Whatever it is, my sexuality seems to be oozing from every pore. I mentioned to my partner that the more sex I have, the more attention from other men I seem to receive. He jokingly threatened "to cut me off", but my other girlfriends seems to support this hypothesis. There is a smell, a chemistry, a certain walk, that "just boffed hair do" or something that screams she’s getting some that causes men at large to sit up and take notice.

So as I wander around the house humming, I can’t help thinking that my 40’s may be my best decade yet. Stretch marks, and wrinkles be damned, I am reveling in my sexual peak years, and plan on enjoying every moment of it.  Bob Dole eat your heart out.

80 year old hot sex

Older12 I want to be old and still very sexy. I was presenting yesterday at the annual Stroke Survivors on Sex after Stroke about what you can do to keep it hot after you experience a stroke, and options for sexual functioning if you are differently abled. I also sang the song I made up about why you should keep boffing. “I had a stroke, I was a drag, but now I’m feeling aroused and frisky.”… is the first line.  I sing badly, know only one cord on my tiny-out-of-tune guitar, but speaking is about making the audience smile, and everyone seems to like my made up songs.

Anyway, I had two couples talk to me among a bunch of occupational therapists after the presentation.  One was there after being married a month ago and had camped across the Province wearing out their new air mattresses. He had had a stroke a number of years ago, and this couple were both in their pensionable years. The other story was about an even more senior couple who thanked me for making them feel like their sex life was still normal.  They had gone from sex twice a week, to sex only once a week after her stroke. She then privately asked me a few questions about sex toys. I couldn’t stop grinning. It is something I aspire to doing, being old and still very sexually active, and here was my role model among many I met yesterday. She was still having a marvelous life with her husband, and thought it was the coolest thing I had heard in a while. I want to be like her. Doing it, until they take me away in a box. Amen.

The 50 sexual things you should do before you are too old to actually do them

Adventures I’ve been bantering aound the definative list of sexual adventures one should try before they die.  I was reading an article in Men’s Health magazine that sited a British study saying that men over 70 who, in looking back at over their lives regretted things they didn’t do, rather than things they did. Not changing jobs, not taking personal chances, and not getting enough, and varied sexual experiences topped the list of lifetime regrets.

This coupled with catching sight of the book title of the 50 places you need to go and see before you die had me thinking of "the list".  You know, the one that hangs on the inside of your medicine cabinet near the expired condoms that outlines the sexual potpourri of stuff that you could do to keep up with the Jones before they take you away in a box.  So what would be on your list? Sex in an elevator?  On a chair lift?  With a guy that looks like big Joe Green? All women orgy?

Of course it’s doesn’t have as many absolutes like seeing the pyramids, or kissing on the top of the Eiffel Tower, but a snogging list might include sex in an apres ski chalet, playing the border guard and smuggler -complete with strip search, or playing theexotic dancer – complete with pole dance.  Having had a reasonably good run of it, my fantasies are becoming tamer, rather than wilder. Sex outside in a  variety of places is of interest, seeing how many times I could physically have sex in a 24 hour period is another of mine, being massaged by three or four men at once – yep, they all appeal. But would I do them? Sure, if the opportunity presented itself. But would I rather see the pyramids, or kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower? Tough call…

There are cougars prowling

IMrs_robinson Diane  have a number of girlfriends who have recently hooked up with much younger men. Hot, sexually open, and much younger.  In the online dating world, the Mrs. Robinson comments abound as young men intheir early and mid 20’s actively pursue 40 year old women. I  asked one of them what was the appeal was in someone who could arguably be old enough to have parented you. He said, "I don’t know a man who doesn’t fantasize about having sex with a hot, sexually experienced, older woman." I find it more than a tad offputting as I have nephews that old, but isn’t age just a number? I think given all the reading I’m doing on female led relationships (,  a strong women with a younger man makes sense. It wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if the man was 20 years older than the women, then the reverse should be the same.  Except that older women chasing younger men are called cougars – and there is a whole subculture that has popped up to deal  with them. Have a look at, and you can’t tell me that there isn’t a double standard. Meow.Cougar

PS. to Mirage in Istanbul – you lucky dog, she’s one in a million.

Not shot necessary for us older sexually active chicks

Needle So there is a new shot that will prevent you from getting the virus associated with genital warts that causes women cervical cancer.  Considering genital warts are rampant, and close to 75% of Canadians will be exposed to the virus in their lifetime, this comes at a great time to get stabbed if you are a sexually active woman.

I asked an infectious disease doctor about it recently.  A few of my recently single, 30-something friends wondered if they should pay (the few hundreds of dollars) to get the shot. It seems, that it is only meant for girls/women ages 9 to 26. Old chicks like me (if I were to choose to run around on the wonder husband) don’t need to get it because our cellular mucosa is too seasoned to adhear to the type of virus that causes the worrisome cervical cancer. It is safe, can’t hurt, and may be a thought if you are an aging party girl out doing the football team, but not as big of a worry for us older broads.  I guess with mamograms and menopause looming, we have enough to worry about.