Category: Sexy Holidays- what should you buy?

Dec 1st Naughty Xmas Market at the Orange Hall!

This is adult Christmas shopping! It’s all the items you can’t buy at a church bazaar this holiday. Corsets, pasties, Erotic Art, wine, Toys, and so much more.

We will have pictures with Santa only far more inappropriate. A lingerie fashion show and a Christmas playlist that they don’t play in elevators. $10 at the door and proceeds are going to Ottawa breast cancer support for local survivors. We have two Ducks (and Blaik’s sister) all fighting breast cancer and we want to help.

You can park in the school parking lot across the street. Music, community, shopping wine, Santa, food all for a fantastic cause. We will have elves wrapping presents and some fabulous vendors. Come and join us.

The Rosemount Orange Hall! 41 Rosemount Ave Ottawa. Parking across the street at the school

A Review of Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, Puerto Morelos, Mexico.

We had a wonderful opportunity to visit Book Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort, in Puerto Morelos last week. From the short (25 minute) professionally handled commute (from Cancun airport) to the opening greetings by all the staff of “welcome home” we knew we were in for something special. Pearl is a small hotel but opulent. It has the wow factor. Its goal is to be the most exclusive couples resort in the Caribbean. In that it succeeds, at least in our experience.

The staff are superbly trained to be attentive yet give you the space you wish. Some guests wish to very interactive, some are looking for a holiday of solitude and reconnection. It is a hotel that pledges to encourage you to be whomever you wish to be. From the very sexy and flirty to the simply elegant and private. There are only 88 rooms, with 12 of them being elaborate suites, and the hotel boasts 240 staff. The room are very comfortable, well appointed and large. The grounds are immaculate and eco-sensitive.  There are multiple restaurants serving a variety of meals. The resort has 5-star amenities throughout.

What differentiates Pearl from other resorts is the emphasis on couples. (Singles are not allowed reservations). Pearl attracts a very loyal clientele that wish to be sensuous. Nudity around the pool is common but very relaxed during the daytime. Restaurant dress code at this time of day is simple and casual. In fact, with the very active and engaged animation and bar staff, the resort resembles top end fun destinations throughout the Caribbean from sun up until about 4pm. However, after 4 the focus transfers to more adult interests. The large hot tub comes alive with a laughter filled happy hour (the swim up bar staff are fantastic).  Couples still have quiet space if desired but most are actively engaged in conversation. While there are no clothes to be seen in the hot tub, dress is very elegant for dinner and many couples have complete costumes for the nightly theme dances that include nautical, western, and neon nights.

Dinner is very elegant if you choose the Pearl restaurant. You may also choose a very cozy gastro bar for tapas or a larger common dining room. No matter where you go, the clothing is eye popping. You end up knowing the names of the serving staff as the level of service and interaction is so high. The word we use to describe the staff best is charming. You simply want to get to know them better.

There are some deals to be had if you pick off-season or follow the website and watch for specials. Otherwise the rack rate is very high. This is not a resort for the budget conscious. There are enticing extras such as the spa services. Or you can order special meals including one that is served on the beach where somehow you end up having a sizzling romantic encounter at the end of it – on the beach bed. Use your imagination. In fact, the hotel specializes in creating fantasy encounters. They have a senior staff member dedicated to bringing them to life.  (Kind of like a wedding planner, but just for those fantasies you always wished would happen, but you had no clue where to start).  Everything is done amazingly well, but make sure you are prepared for the bill when you check out.

Desire sells the feeling. The feeling of attention to detail and that you are important. You also feel very safe in the resort. In fact, if you stay on the resort for your entire trip, we don’t have any reservations about saying that safety should not be a concern at all when selecting Pearl as a holiday destination. This area of Mexico is well patrolled and very tourist focused. There is a safe in each room and guards on duty everywhere. If you wander the grounds at night, the only sounds you hear coming from the bushes are small local animals, the most predominant being little raccoons. The resort also sells the feeling of community. Everybody wants to belong to a group and you quickly feel like the other guests are your people.

If you prefer to focus on your partner and just be silly, the Saturday afternoon foam party in the pool is not to be missed. Jello shots are distributed during the swim and it is an opportunity to watch a hundred adults turn into children again. Or you can find a quiet pool side bed and focus on your partner in other ways… many choices.

Like any destination, there are downsides. The hot tub can be overwhelming for a first timer just dipping a toe into nudism or lifestyle activities. Expect to be approached by folks who may be fueled by liquid courage and who may not display appropriate decorum. Also expect to see sexual activities front and center.  (On the flip side, if you are trying to decide between Desire Pearl and Desire Riviera Maya, the people we interviewed were unanimous in stating Pearl was the quieter and less aggressive of the two resorts).

We would also recommend sandals with good tread. We found the tile and polished concrete around the pool area to be slippery after heavy rainfalls. The staff works extraordinarily hard in keeping the water off these surfaces but just be aware.

Pearl sells plans of pre-paid nights. We were very surprised with the number of guests who had purchased the plans. To a person, everyone was thrilled. They wanted to be part of something, and generally the story was the same. They had traveled around, tried a bunch of other places and decided Pearl was home. The feeling was if this is where they planned on returning annually (or more often), then it was better to have a discount and some perks. We truly could not find anybody with buyers remorse.

If you are looking for an opportunity to spark up your relationship in a big way, or dip a toe in the world of sensuous and flirty adventures then this is definitely the place. You are immediately surrounded by friends. As the manager told us “Mexico is about people”. Talking with hundreds of guests and staff over a week, at least in this gorgeous slice of the Yucatan, it would be very hard to disagree.

Sue McGarvie & Blaik Spratt

The Anti-Valentine’s Day Movement. Or how to celebrate your singleness.

anti1There is a growing movement of people who want to say “shove it to Valentine’s Day”. Singles have long felt left out of the sappy “let’s connect” roses and chocolate messages of the holiday. Now Anti Valentine’s parties are all the rage. These are parties decorated with dead roses. The have rules like: You must not bring any chocolate, wine or champagne to the party. Black things such as Guinness or a cake with black icing are preferred. Or heart shaped cupcakes with knives through them. Black is also the color theme for clothing. Anti V-Day songs like Roxette’s “It must have been love”, or “Love hurts” by Gram Parsons are the anthems. The Anti V-Day movement is to celebrate being single and loving it! Or to at least have friends around when you draw horns on your ex’s picture. It’s also about loving oneself, wherever you are in life.

So what can you do to feel powerful if you aren’t hooked up as part of a couple? Well you can get in the mood of the Anti V-Day celebrations by making your own voodoo doll for all the ex’s who need to be prodded with a sharp pin. Or you can go with the theme of many of these parties “Love stinks, so let’s drink”. But I’m advocating a more positive approach and coming up ways to announce your awesomeness to the world.

There are a few ideas to embrace your singleness. I do a vision board exercise with my Women’s Body Image and Sexuality Workshops that I run. Check out the Ducklings site for ongoing information. Powerful statements of self-love like “You love when you are ready, not because you are lonely” or “because good enough isn’t good enough for you” can become mantras.

Do some things you can’t do if you were in a relationship. I’m not advocating sleeping with the football team, but go crazy doing something unconventional that is hard to do when you are with somebody that makes demands on your time. Like take a spur-of-the-moment trip. Update your profile to single and loving it.

Make business cards and hand them out to cool people with your fun (and safe) email address on it. Start a gratitude journal. There are lots of things you can do to really embrace your life as it is right now. If you have enough like-minded friends have an Anti V-Day party. Get everyone to dress up as cupids gone very, very bad. Think naughty and armed angels as sexy as you want to be. Sounds like fun. And if you really want to be in a relationship then make a vow that 2015 is going to be your year. Be the interesting person that people want to get to know. Deal with some of that lingering baggage (therapy can help) and get rid of that “poor me, pity party stuff”. Life is too short to be needy.

So whatever your take is on Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to embrace it. Whether it’s couple love, group love (those polyamorous people shouldn’t be excluded) or self love then make the most of this February 14th. If you are struggling with singleness and want to finally do something about it then I can help. I’ve helped hundreds of people find love and I am no-nonsense, cut-to-the-chase when I do therapy for finding love. Reach out, I can help.

Some New Valentine’s Date night ideas 2015

So Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. It’s the day in the year when we celebrate all things romantic. We tell our sweetie that we would pick them all over again, and make an extra effort to be creative in showing our love. Or if you find the whole thing cheesy and commercial then it’s the day when you may want to embrace the growing movement of Anti-Valentine’s Day. Either way February 14th is a moment to be mindful about the need for love in our lives.
If you’ve followed my newsletters for anytime, you’ve heard me preaching about the importance of date nights. A regular check-in is one of the main criteria for couples who stay together. The other factors include kindness, generosity of time and responding positively for your partner’s need for emotional attention. Read the brilliant article that had me upping my game with my husband.

But what are the hot new date ideas?

Here are five you can use this February to try and raise the romance bar:
1. Try Ice fishing. There was even a local Groupon to rent an ice shack. Bring plenty of snacks and hot cocoa, make sure the fish shack is warm, and you have fish-biting music.

2. Think about creative sweets. Give your partner 3 sealed envelopes and ask her to choose one. Each envelope has a different dessert destination in store. Or, try pulling out a couple of dessert recipe cards and take your sweetie to the store to buy the ingredients together then head home to make it together.

3. 50 Shades of Grey premiere. It opens Valentine’s weekend. The Ducklings are going en mass on Sunday the 15th if you want to do a group date night. (see below for details).

4. Take me to Paris! Think French music, French hat, get a baguette, French wine and cheese and have a carpet picnic. You could also do Take me to Jamaica, Greece etc.

5. Create Your Own National Holiday. So why not create your own national holiday, mark it on your calendar and celebrate it each and every year? How about “Make-out-in-a-car-day? Or “Go Commando day?” These suggestions or (insert yours here____) could be fun to act out on a date night.

PS. Here are the details about the Ducklings. We are doing a group date/movie night on Feb 15th in Ottawa if you want to join us! Send me an email!

The Duckling manifesto
We are the Ducklings. We are proud, kind, flirty and fun. We try new things even though they give us butterflies. We accept everyone as friends and equals. Drama, aggressive and mean people have no place here. We laugh out loud, suggest group adventures and are gentle with each other. We cautiously go (often holding another duckling’s hand) where we haven’t gone before. Integrity, connections, and friendship is our mantra. We are sexy but safe. Activities done with friends are not as overwhelming. So join us for guided, pressure-free, sensuous outings. Referrals and friends are welcome but they need to buy into our philosophy. Being a duckling enhances relationships, increases intimacy and builds community. Wouldn’t you like to be a duckling too?

How we evolved
Over the last few years we have been teaching courses to couples and singles who want to spice up their sex lives we called “Loving Hedonist classes.” Our courses were an introduction to what is out there sexually. The courses were to offer information on what is possibly out there for you to walk the walk in a way that was comfortable for you. We went on a number of field trips from burlesque shows to a visit to Easter Canada’s most famous dominatrix. By going places and learning things together, and by sharing the experiences the events became fun instead of scary. We stared to gather (and quack a bit) and we were described a “ducklings”. The name stuck.

How to fall in love (for the first time or again) this Valentine’s Day

fallingHave you noticed that love is in the air this month? It’s that time of year when grocery stores and shopping malls are full of chocolate hearts, red roses and unconditional love seems to be on everyone’s mind. Why is love something that we seem to practice only when Hallmark tells us to? How do we make time for relationships when we are so busy trying to get through work, homework, housework, parenting, elder care, and errands? For many women, it seems like all work and no play. Where did the fun and intimacy go when we fell in love and couldn’t wait to see our partners?

Someone asked me recently what I thought was the secret to great relationships and maintaining the “in love” magic. I said that I thought “it was three hours a week of intimate time where there is sensuous touch, eye contact and conversation that isn’t about work and kids”. I’ve been pushing sensuous date nights for a while with my marriage-counseling clients. It turns out that conversation, touch, and eye gazing really are the secrets to falling (and staying in love) according to the study by Arthur Aron that is getting loads of airplay this Valentine’s season. Aron did a study in 1997 that paired 33 students (who were open to the possibility of falling love with a stranger) and had the couples ask each other 37 personal questions followed by four minutes of eye gazing. The couples in questions felt a tremendous amount of intimacy towards their previously unknown partner. One couple who met during the study actually got married.

So is it that simple? For women, conversation is huge. I used to use random questions from If… the Book of Questions as an ice breaker during my singles and couples workshops. Things like “if you were a carnival ride, which one would you be and why?” Or “What dessert would best describe your personality?” Asking personal questions of someone quickly creates intimacy between individuals and is one of the best ways to rapidly get people talking. And it turns out the type of question you ask helps find the type of relationship you are looking for.

A study by found more casual questions such as ‘Do you like the taste of beer?’ were more likely to lead to a one-night stand than a long-term relationship. Questions about kids, pets, and favourite books are far more likely to help you find a partner that sticks. So if you are single, make your first dating contact letter full of interest and questions about the other person. That and lots of eye gazing by the third date and you will no doubt stand out from the crowd of many possible suitors.

So what are the elements of great relationships and how do you sustain them? While people have been trying to define love for millennia, as a sex and relationship therapist, in my opinion love is a mix of the pragmatic and the nebulous. I think that in order for love to sustain itself beyond the first year of honeymoon “in love hormones” and to endure, there needs to be a connection in four areas. First there needs to be chemistry. It’s an elusive quality, poorly defined, but critical for great love. Scientists would argue that it is a mixture of pheromones relating to a good genetic match and something else that makes your heart flutter. Secondly, love has a physical component. You need to find that person physically attractive. They don’t need to be body perfect, but there must be some features that really appeal when you see them. There also needs to be a lifestyle and intellectual match. The guy next door or someone most like yourself who becomes your best friend consistently offers the best chance for happiness and longevity in a relationship. Look for someone you have tons in common with even if they don’t seem like “your type” at first glance. Finally the emotional connection of same values leads into bonds that stick even when the going gets tough.

So meet people with commonalties of values, intellect, and lifestyle. You meet a number of them and with one of them the chemistry will hit you between the eyes. For couples who have been together awhile, work on or re-introduce those things that brought you together. Then stir up those cooling embers with intimate conversation and absolutely make time to look into each other’s eyes.

Forget asking for chocolate and flowers. Uninterrupted time, proximity, personal conversation, and face to face touch will pay the biggest dividends this Valentine’s Day.

Why a New Year’s Mission Statement is so much more effective than resolutions.

I don’t make my own lists of New Year’s resolutions. It’s not that I don’t think they’re relevant — I do, actually. As they say in baseball, “You can’t hit what you can’t see.” Goals are critical. I follow the Warren Buffet school of thought: Set a small number of goals, then focus.

But when you’re one-half of a couple, the targets change. For the last five years I’ve been setting my goals together with my husband — a kind of relationship ‘mission statement’. When you’re in a life partnership with someone you love, I think you need to agree on the big things together.
Not all goals can be shared, of course. (He’s got a healthy eating plan; so do I. But he has a problem with Pop Tarts. I don’t.) But if you want to maintain harmony in the relationship, you need to discuss goals and agree on them together. Maybe you want to start a new business venture, one that would involve a large time commitment. That’s a sacrifice you’re sharing with your partner and family, so the need to be on the same page with them should be obvious. But few couples set out common goals.

In our case, the mission statement is more than just goals or targets. It’s a road map for living together — a statement of shared philosophies and values. I would say that outlining our relationship ‘rules of engagement’ has been one of the single most effective things we’ve done to cement our relationship. (And given the amount of time we spend planning sexy date nights and adventure weekends, that’s saying something.)
Right now we’re on mission statement version 4.0; it’s pasted on the back of our office door. Our mission statements have included things like “stop apologizing for who we are”, “make new friends” and “don’t babysit other adults”. They definitely include a commitment to putting the relationship first — to putting a higher value on home and family than on increased work obligations. We’ve committed to a better quality of ‘quality time’, to date nights, to splitting up the household labour equally. Little things, all of them — but it’s the little things that count in love.

Mr. Buffett and the business school grads would say that our lists don’t follow the classic business format of goal setting, and they’d be right. But that’s the point — these are our values, the things that matter to us.
As a therapist, I often see couples who are drifting apart because they’re losing the interests they once had in common, the things that brought them together in the first place. Setting goals as a couple helps prevent the drift I see as a therapist in couples who have less and less interests in common. The most common reasons for divorce usually surprises most couples. It’s not money problems, extended families or diminished sex or infidelity that are the most common reasons for separation. The most common reason cited to divorce lawyers is absenteeism. This means being either physically or emotionally missing in action. You connect to spend your life with someone, and if they are never there, then well… partners often find themselves looking for a soft place to land. Or they end up in my office on the raggedy edge.

It’s a universal truth that people support what they help to create. Focusing together on a plan that will keep you engaged and pulling in the same direction and defining your core values as a couple is essential. It’s one of the benchmarks I look for as a sign of a healthy relationship. We will be tracking our relationship this holiday. Give it a try. It may make for a great New Years.

How to Celebrate New Year’s With Your Partner

New Years is simply around the corner, in fact it is enough time to create your resolutions (be it more steamy sex, or to get him or her to agree to start trying wilder and crazier things in bed). Most lovers want to move away from the hectic schedules of their life and unwind on New Year’s Eve. In case you are considering about surprising your lover, it is now time to book a fresh Year’s Eve hotel (whether you pay by the hour, or they give you those majestic matching robes).

The easiest method to make your beloved feel special is by focusing on the details. I do invites for romantic evenings with my sweetie. Or, I break out the party panties, the new bottle of massage oil, or just make sure I spend the time looking my best. Lots of people go all out, but I think its paying attention to romance and celebrating the strong emotion between the two of you (eye gazing, hand holding, declarations of love) that make a night like New Year’s memorable. Try to remember to take photos and make videos together which would be considered a joyful memory. Do not forget to kiss at midnight, and mark the early morning hours of the New Year with champagne and sex (maybe get horizontal in your New Years hats)!

I also encourage you to watch the drinking. I used to hate New Year’s Eve because it was just a big drunk. As one friend said, “why do women think they are sexy when they are slurring their words and stumbling around?” Too much alcohol is one of the factors in regular erectile dysfunction. Women can have a couple of drinks to increase your testosterone levels, and help put you in the mood (it really is a panty remover), but too much impairs things for both of you.

I also encourage you to talk together about what the next year looks like for the two of you. I think traditions are important and what holiday days do is to remind me to take a moment and be grateful. And express that love and gratitude. I say that about Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, and I even do it around Halloween (my favorite time of year). New Year’s is a time to ask if we are pulling in the same direction. Read my blog on couple’s mission statements and give it a try this New Year’s. You make be surprised about how impactful it may be.

If you want to explore more date nights in your area check in to whether or not there are some of the Duckling events near you! The fastest social groups of safe, fun, connected communities. Read about it.

The 12 days of the best sexy Christmas ideas for your sweetie.

This sexy Christmas list started because every year my brother would call me in a panic a couple of days before Christmas. He had no idea what to get my sister-in-law that was personal and intimate. He expected me to know what was hot in the area of sensuous and romantic gifts each holiday season. My bro knew he would be in the doghouse if there wasn’t at least one thing that said sexy and “I love you” under the tree. And then he wanted me to acquire it, wrap it and get it to him before the 24th.
It turns out my sibling is not the only one needing a list of flirty items for a sweetie for the holidays. This is my fifth annual list of the best and brightest in romance items that you might want to make sure ends up being delivered to good but naughty boys and girls.
1) Lelo- It’s Swedish for OMG. The brand has lots of no nonsense engineering and delivers consistent quality in their toys. They aren’t cheap but they are rechargeable and made with high quality silicone. One of my favourites right now is the Ora which actually emulates oral sex. I kid you not. I also love the new Luna Smart Bead that has a computer chip inside that is designed to measures your orgasm-potential and sets a routine that’s specific for you. I found that the patients of mine who tried it had a much more powerful orgasm.
2) The new 50 shades of Grey beaded blindfold. You can use his necktie, or a cashmere scarf around your eyes as a makeshift blindfold, but the new 50 Shades of Grey kits are out for the holidays. You can pretend to be the book heroine Anastasia Steele and have your sensory deprivation done with utmost elegance. There are blindfolds that range from $10 to $200, and they really are a step up from the plaid scarf you have lying around. The 50 Shades kit tends to hover around the $60 mark. With this beaded blindfolded and a little bit of silk rope, you’ll be living the story that had women around the world moaning.
3) Speaking of 50 Shades, I love the very gentle deerskin and leather floggers made by the Montreal based Artisan Whip maker Ms. V. The floggers make that lovely thwack sound but don’t really hurt- even with a serious backswing. They are well made, weighted, and very interesting. Check them out at
4) We Vibe- Standard Innovation, the maker of the We Vibe, is the Ottawa company who put Canada on the map when it comes to sex toys. The We Vibe line has been consistently pioneering new technology. They established themselves with the classic “C” shaped couples’ toy but I love their Tango vibrator. The Tango is small, finger shaped, rechargeable, and versatile and I think it’s the best product for people looking for a first toy. It fits in my lipstick container. Just saying….
5) Pantygram. When a greeting card just won’t do, tell your guy how you really feel about him with a Pantygram. Imagine his face when he opens up a black envelope to find an anonymous pair of heart-shaped red panties inside! ($24.95 at I think they are a riot. If you want to do 12 sexy days of Christmas it can start with a holiday message that will capture his imagination.

6) The Booty Parlour chocolate cinnamon massage candle. It smells a bit like Christmas. Actually it smells fantastic. The candle melts the wax which doubles as massage oil that you drizzle on your partner. You get the added benefit of giving them a bit of a jolt when you pour warm oil all over a willing body. It’s the all in one thing you need to pack if you are doing a night at a hotel this holiday.
7)Fun Factory – Is a playful German line that is known for its durability. They have a few new creations that are called smart toys. The high tech toy called STRONIC EINS may be my new best friend. It thrusts and pulsates instead of vibrates. That’s great for women who get desensitized easily, or who want something completely different.
8) The new Temptress style cut out lace corset in pink and black from Victoria Secret is elegant, slimming and will turn any woman into a stone, cold fox. It is a great style from Victoria Secret and unlike some of their lingerie, it actually looks like it could hold up a real pair of boobs. How refreshing. I also like the collection of padded, butt enhancing underwear for men from Fresh pair. It makes your ass your best feature and almost screams out to be pinched.
9) The Intensity vibrator by Pour Moi touts itself as the toy for pelvic health and wellness. It’s been out for a couple of years now and it is the only toy that I can’t leave home without. It not only has the typical clitoral stimulator, but it has what I call “shocker pads” that run a current through the large muscles of the vagina which causes contractions. Pelvic floor muscles contract during orgasm, and the stronger the contraction, the more intense the orgasm. It exercises while it pleases. It runs over $200 but for the girl who has everything this holiday, it is worth checking out.

10) The Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty is a try-this-at-home sexy talk script that you can use on your partner for a little aural sex. You can fill in the blanks with your individual preferences and make the scenario very personal. I like the confidence-boosting exercises as they teach you how to be playful and use your words in a very creative way.

11) While Cards against Humanity may be the popular game this holiday for time spent with irreverent friends, my favorite game for a romantic partner is the Sexy Truth or Dare pick up sticks. They are meant to be pulled one at a time. One side reveals a sexy truth, and the other a naughty dare. They are simple, fun and creative. A great stocking stuffer.

12) Finally, for something completely different have a look at the new Hello Touch by Jimmy Jane. This toy is really quite revolutionary. The toy is simply feather-light vibrating pads that attach to your fingertips. The pads also attach to a small wrist motor. That means that simply a light touch can cause an orgasm. This is a versatile toy because men find it very interesting as well.
So which one of the colourful new toys should you be asking for from Santa? I think you should have all of them, but I’m greedy.
So forget the five golden rings and encourage your stocking to be filled with gifts that really give. I promise that you’ll ring in the New Year with a smile on your face.

Why Halloween is my favourite sexy holiday,

I'm busy trying to get the Halloween costumes ready for a plenary of festivities next week. I was debating going as Wonder Woman, medusa, or Elvis in his sparkling, white, polyester jumpsuit. It's the fun and romance of being something different. For my cross-dressing clients, it is the one day a year where they can be legitimately "out" in drag. I was trying to figure out why it had become so popular. Fantasies and dressing up in sexy costumes to "be someone new" has always been popular.

Business week had this to say about why Halloween has caught on in Europe where nobody had heard of the holiday five years ago.

WILD ABOUT HARRY (potter, that is).  What's driving the Halloween craze? Partly it's an organized effort by major U.S. brands to export the holiday to Europe. The Disneyland Paris theme park has been promoting Halloween heavily since 2001. During October, the park is renamed "Halloweenland," with daily theme parades and a squad of pumpkin-head characters wandering through the grounds with buckets and brushes, splashing things with orange paint. The park has even come up with a mascot, "Ed the Pumpkin," and has installed displays showing his "ancestors," beginning with pumpkin-headed cavemen.

The Boston Herald discussed what I had been seeing in sex stores for years. The biggest sellers are the border patrol costumes, and the sexier the costume, the better for your office err, your neighborhood Halloween party. promises an “evening that will make your heart soar” with the “Mile High Captain,” a tight pilot’s dress with matching hat and a “Mile High Club” badge. A similarly themed costume is the no-further-explanation-necessary “Captain Layover.” On the seas, there’s the “Captivating Captain,” a “naval hottie who can command any body . . . of water.”

Clever stuff.

Perhaps the two most fetishized career fields are health care and law enforcement. Halloween merely amplifies the kind of racy comments directed at virtually any nurse under the age of 70. But it underscores public perceptions of doctors, too. Thus, the widespread availability of surplus white lab coats with “Gynecologist” or “Breast Inspector” embroidered on the pockets.

Outside of college, who gets away with wearing this stuff? Would anyone dare show up to the office Halloween party in these get-ups?

On the crimefighter front, there are at least a half-dozen variations of the sexy cop – handcuff earrings and doughnut purse optional. Female police officers have had a long lineage of role models dating back to Heather Locklear’s stellar performance on “T.J. Hooker.” But all that has just been neutralized by this:

“Book ’em gorgeous! The Busted costume includes: A stretch-knit dress with a two-way zipper front and a ‘Busted’ knit bra top. A police hat, a removable ‘Officer Ivana B. Bad’ name badge, a belt, a toy gun, an officer’s badge, a pair of handy handcuffs, fingerless gloves and a baton are also included in this sexy style. Who knows how many laws are broken when you patrol in this arresting ensemble!”

There’s also a “Border Babe” who cracks down on illegal immigration, a “Corrupt Cop” with a proclivity for vinyl-boned waist corsets and bribes, and Detective “Terri Gation,” in charge of making stubborn suspects talk.

Feminists should take note that the cheesy male version of the sexy cop, “Oliver Clothesoff,” does not appear to take bribes. And he at least starts out with long sleeves and long pants. 

Halloween is a chance to bring out "your inner stripper" or at least celebrate the peeler culture. Look out for me, in my naughty prison matron garb…


The summer solstice, and the time of year to make babies (or at least practice at it)

Fertile I didn't see any fairies this solstice despite my best efforts. At least not the kind that flies about on their own wings…. The summer solstice – or the longest day of the year, is traditionally the time of fertility rites, and the time that magic abound in the world and the "little people" make thier appearance.

More to the point, it is the time that you might be the most fertile (probably in conjunction to the spring foods I just wrote about), but if you are trying to get knocked up, this is a good time of year to spend some time on your back under the new summer sun.

Here's the thinking….

Many sacred sites were designed with the summer solstice in mind. Stonehenge on Wiltshire has an entranceway aligned with the solstice sunrise and is a popular gathering point for modern druids and others on midsummer's day.

The ancient sacred sex societies celebrated the Summer Solstice as the peak of summer, marking the day when the sun reaches its zenith — the longest day of the year. Many honored the day with a sacred sex ritual to celebrate the revolving swing of nature.

Sacred sex, like the seasons, moves in cycles. Each season represents a different value of fullness of the wave of sacred sex ecstasy. Summer represents the fullness of sacred sex ecstasy. It is the peak moment of sacred orgasm. The Society for Sacred Sexuality celebrates this full Sacred Union with its annual event.

Solstice Day, the time when the sun is in transition between its northerly & southerly course in the sky, is an ideal day for sacred sex practice. This time of transition in nature is highly conducive to transitioning out of everyday awareness and into the state of Sacred Sexual Union.

Solstice Day is also a day of perfect balance, when the sun peaks at its zenith in the sky, and seemingly pauses before returning on its lesser rise. This makes Solstice Day ideal for enjoying the balanced state of Sacred Sex Union.

The event will be held each year on the day of the Summer Solstice (typically June 21st). If the solstice falls on June 20 in any given year, the celebration and ritual will continue for two days, through June 21. The exact solstice time will be posted in this Forum Message each year.

(Note the June date is for the Northern hemisphere; Summer Solstice for the Southern hemisphere is on or near December 21. Residents of each hemisphere are invited to participate in the appropriate celebration for their region.) Because seasonal rituals fall on the same day, yet have opposite values (i.e. Summer Solstice in the north is the same day as Winter Solstice in the south), our worldwide sacred sex ritual creates a perfectly balanced global effect.

To maximize participation & convenience, and also to create a truly global event, we invite everyone to join the annual ritual from the privacy of their own home. With membership from countries throughout the world, the Society for Sacred Sexuality has a unique opportunity to deeply infuse love & light in global consciousness.

You can participate in the event alone or with a lover by creating a personal sacred sex ritual according to your own desire, using the lessons in the Sacred Sex Lesson Forum, or your own sacred sex practice. During your ritual, lose yourself in your sacred sex wave and feel the fullness of its ecstasy. To add to the effect, enjoy your ritual in some elevated place — atop an altar, in an attic bedroom, raised on bed pillows, or even on an outside hilltop or mountain. This adds to the sense of 'peak' experience.

National “Leave Work Early Day”. Run home now and have afternoon sex

Cuddle2 I love those crazy event days that are listed in the international directory of special occasions. Everything from "take your mailman to lunch" to "nude recreation week". Today, June 2nd, is Leave work early (and bang your partner like a pooch in heat) Day. Well, I added the last part, but as your sex therapist (and how many real live – not wannabe sex therapist's do you actually know?), I want more people to make love not war. Take part of your day to give your partner a squeeze and get some. "what the world needs now"…. 

Afternoon sex is always my favourite. I'm always horniest during the day. Men typically have the highest testosterone rates first thing in the morning, but women really like a quick nooner, or afternoon delight. I can even write you a prescription (I have brand new prescription pads) for sex. "For medicinal value, the bearer of this note shall be excused from work, class, mowing the yard or whatever they are supposed to be doing, to leave work early and go home and practice their sexual techniques."  signed, Sue McGarvie, Clinical sex therapist.

There, you have no excuse. Forward this blog to your sweetie, and plan on signing out for sex. Consider it your mandate today.

Why you should always attempt poetry on Valentine’s Day,,


So it's Valentine's Day. The day when we take a moment out of our hectic lives to say to our sweetie's "You are special, and even with all the chaos surrounding us, I would pick you again." At least that is what I think Valentine's Day is about. Or as your sex therapist, it is the day in the year when you are suppose to to screw like bunnies.  Yeah!

Despite the commercialization of the holiday, I think women want something simple.
My sweetie, world renowned for his homemade "Hallmarks" gave me a card on 8 1/2 by 11 white paper that read:

    Valentines, a special day. My heart is filled with thoughts that say…(something personal and x rated that can't be published here )  But in return you've won my heart, I love every inch, I love every part. You're my chick, all leather and lace, and even with a prickly face. (a comment on my recent waxing endeavor).

I was so moved. Irreverent, homemade poetry will touch me (and most other women I know).  The article published in the National Post said:

"Jenna Walsh, an account executive in Boston, is looking forward to some special treatment this Valentine's Day, but, she's not interested in flowers, champagne or chocolate.

"If I could have anything this year, it would be nothing more than a heartfelt 'thank you,' since it's one of the many things men have difficulty communicating," she says. "I don't think there's any material gift that could show that kind of appreciation or maturity," she adds.

The grim economy has many couples rethinking their priorities, and plenty of women are seeing the holiday as a chance for their lovers to express their true feelings, not just the contents of their wallet. 

In fact, many women want things a partner could easily provide but might never guess.

Lauren Warthan, in Austin, Texas, fantasizes about breakfast tacos served to her in bed.

Along similar lines, Helen Gregory in Brooklyn, N.Y., wants "a kiss and a cup of coffee when I wake up."

So don't panic if you haven't gone out to the store and got something store bought. Take a page from my Valentine. Depreciating, but loving thoughts are way better than roses.