“Regardless of how successful he is in business, in politics, in art, in science, if he fails in the bedroom it is his total failure.“ Dr. Krakovsky on Men’s psychological state towards their penis and sexuality.
“No matter how good of a person I am, no matter how well I do in other aspects of my life I will always measure my worth with my sexual abilities and my sexual organ. To fail in this is to fail in all things regardless of their relevance to each other.” Quote from an anonymous client.
It’s a huge issue in male body image
As a sex therapist I am constantly seeing men who are worried about their virility. Much of it has to do with the size, shape, and function of their penises. It is really surprising to most women how concerned men are about their equipment. Women really don’t get it. We think penises are mysterious and cool. We know that for the most part our sexual satisfaction has to do with how great you are with your hands and your mouth as well, not just penis your size or how long you can bang us for. Yes, women like intercourse, but a majority of women get their most powerful orgasms by outercourse. Only 30% of women reach orgasm from intercourse alone, regardless of the size of a man’s penis.
When I started my practice, I used to see more men that were too big rather than too small. I had a number of men whose partners were sore, or flat out refused to have sex with someone that was too physically big. Most women have vaginas that are less than 6 inches when elongated. If you are 6 inches or bigger, your penis banging on her cervix hurts.
Trying to communicate that to a man who is concerned about his penis size and shape is often a therapeutic process. As I mention in my blog, sex is where we are most vulnerable. And our identity about sex is often established early with lifetime ramifications. Men try and compensate. They can be fantastic in all other areas of their lives but if they are insecure about their size, ejaculation control, or sexual prowess it can be all they think about.
Therapy for penis size includes disseminating lots of information. Trying to understand the statistics about actual size helps. I also preach the message to men that they are way more than their penis length (it works when discussing all aspects of body image). Other men can have PDD or penile dysmorphic disorder. They have an unrealistic and often very negative view of their genitals. In one study, psychologists showed anonymous pictures of erections of men who suffer from PDD to random women. Impartial comments with no edit can help men bring their own view of themselves back into line with what is an accurate reflection. Visualization, sexual hypnosis, support groups also help. I suggest including men with PDD in general sexuality workshops (keeping it hot, what’s new in sex). The workshops offer dialogue with real women talking about real sex (as oppose to pornography)
What’s upsetting is that so many men with real or perceived small penises will avoid dating or getting involved in a sexual relationship. And these are great guys. I see them all the time and they are so wounded. I hear the jokes “I am a bee with testicles” or “I’m a Ken doll”. In many cases they are really average or just below average statistically. If they are not there are things we can do.
There are things that actually work to increase penis size. Some of the medical pumps are effective in increasing girth by up to an inch. And when it comes to sexual pleasure, I tell men that width is much more of a barometer than length is.
We can do concrete things to help. Ive had anonymous “dick pics” of clients evaluated by groups of women with honesty and accuracy. It can help re-frame what’s real and what’s just watching too much overly-endowed porn stars. I had a group of women honestly answer what they want sexually. “I am a woman over 40. I don’t care what he does with his cock. I just want to know what he can do with his hands and his mouth”. I’ve had a number of petite women much, much prefer a smaller penis for the fit.
In my opinion, penile surgery is not a great option for men other than those with a true micro penis. As one client said “I have looked into penile surgery before and tend to check into it every few years to see if any new breakthroughs have evolved. I am aware of the high risk (and cost) of these procedures and have opted out of them because of those risks.”
Many men measure themselves and their size in comparison to other men. I say that the locker room or urinal is not an accurate measure of male penis sizes. Neither is porn. Looking down on a penis gives you a distorted view and looking up at one makes it look substantially bigger. Not to mention, the penis is constantly changing based the level of arousal from completely independent thoughts.
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If you have concerns or questions, often one appointment to get the information you need can make a world of difference. Ease your mind. Book a session today – in person, by phone or by Skype. Rate is $125 for 60 minutes.