Dating insight- a little like guerrilla warfare
I have a few friends and patients (almost all men), who need some advice on making the connection, and meeting the right woman. The thing is, I see them all making the same simple mistakes that keep them from being in a relationship. Good guys, all of them. I tell them to watch the scent of desperation, but I think meeting the perfect partner is a simple, measurable, marketing process. Follow the steps.
1. Visualize the partner you want. Write out the script. Who they are, what they do, how they treat you, what makes them special. Then be clear about what you need. I need this person to love my dog, be a hockey fan, have a sense of humour etc. To paraphrase the Rolling Stones, "You don’t always get 100% of what you want, but you usually get what you need".
Women are attracted to safe, funny, and humble. In that order. Your perfect partner then needs to be advertised for. And then she needs to be pursued.
2. Spend a long, long, long time on a great dating ad. Get women you know to read it. Self depreciating, fun, and how you are liked by kids and puppies. Safe, funny, and interesting will get women to respond. I like online dating, and think true.com, match.com, lavalife, plentyoffish.com are all reasonable dating sites.
3. Write her a few times, but your goal by the third date is to get her to meet you for coffee. Your emails ahead of time should be full of open ended questions. Favourite ice cream flavour, any pets, celebrity they most resemble…etc.
4. Once you are through the coffee stage, and are interested enough to see her again, plan a cool date. Any activity that gets her heart rate up will cause you to bond. Not necessarily overt fitness stuff, more like adventure stress. Coolest date I heard of in a while was taking a gps and going to look for hidden geodes. The second coolest was visiting a reptile zoo and alligator farm. It’s also good if she can wear your jacket somehow – covered in your phermones, and for most women scent is huge. Oh, and dark choclate. I’m off the scale about it, it makes women aroused, and is a true panti remover.
5. By the second date you have to kiss her. If you don’t try and kiss her on the next outing, she won’t get that you are interested and you become a friend. So, plan a cool date with adventure, and kiss her nicely are your next moves. In the meantime, keep up your emailing of other women in the meantime until you agree to become exclusive. If you have other possibilities, you won’t be so fixated on her and be desperate. It’s human nature to want something in demand, so she’ll be more intrigued if she suspects you are in the marketplace. So think date, and soon, and ask for the close (meaning sell her on the outing), and look for an opening to kiss her.
So here are the things you need to be thinking about:
1. Dating ad. Buy a lindt dark chocolate bar and keep it in your car. Emergency seduction kit, as important as the flavoured condoms. What are your potential date plans? Pay attention to things like Art gallery opening? Comedy nights are good, potential adventure dates.
2. Incidental affection is good, and you are appropriate, so I have no fear that you’ll over do it with an arm touching etc. Too soon for the hand. Kisses are better.
3. A decent on the lips kiss, look into her eyes, and let her gently know you are hot for her is what she needs. Feel free to kiss her soundly, but nothing down her throat on the second date.