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How not to marry a jerk

What was interesting about the new Canadian Census stats that were released this week is just how many more single people there are living alone than in years gone past. The numbers from Stats Canada shows that more Canadians are living alone – 5.6 million people aged 15 years and older did not live in census family. It illustrates just how hard it is to meet, connect and to stay in a relationship.

I think it is also a lesser tolerance for bad relationships. Dr. Martin Rovers along with Capital Choice Counseling Group runs a great session at his relationships matters monthly seminars called “How not to marry a jerk”. I think it’s a mandatory course for people who keep picking the same person over and over – and those people tend to be jerks.

Dr. Rovers has got a list of things you can do to define and manage any potential jerk love interests.
“Dr. Rovers thinks there are permanent jerks and transitional jerks. A permanent jerk is someone, wounded from childhood, with features such as:

Persistent resistance to ever changing their core qualities

More than willing to put the blame on everyone else

Break boundaries and promises

Inability to see things for another person’s perspective, a poor listener

Dangerous lack of emotional control and balance, any or withdrawn.

A transitional jerk is someone who has never really learned the skills and attitudes for emotional connectedness in relationships, but can make changes when care-fronted. These are the husbands and wives who need to learn interrelational skills, but are willing and capable when pushed. Jerk is a masculine and feminine word, even if men have much more difficulty with intimacy, as it is defined in society today. ”

Some of the things you can do is to work on your own boundaries in respect to a partner, and make sure you ask a ton a questions before hooking up. As I recently said, very few women especially can do casual sex, so you better be sure a potential lover is not a jerk before jumping into bed. I also suggest a selection committee. One member of your posse (family, friends, co-workers) might not like a potential partner, but when a few people keep singing the same tune, (and they love you) then you might want to listen. If your partner won’t commit, introduce you to their family, and treat their own family members or even wait staff with disrespect then RUN.

Check out the upcoming Relationship Matters seminar (www.relationshipsmatters.ca) with Debra-Lynn Menard and the 50 Shades of Change.

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