It’s adventurous men or guys who are worried about their sex abilities who cheat. A new study will surprise you.
For budding sex therapists The University of Guelph is Ontario’s “sex school”. Every year they have a sexuality conference that was “a must attend” when I was studying to be a sex therapist.
Guelph just put out an interesting paper about why men and women cheat.
Women (it turns out) cheat because their relationship needs are being met. I always say that women cheat for attention (and excitement), men cheat for the sex (and excitement). Women will also cheat if they feel the sex doesn’t “work”. I had a patient last week who said that she craved sex with a new partner because her husband was too big and he hurt her during intercourse. She wanted a partner that “fit better”.
The new study supports this and adds some new insights.
People who aren’t sure their performance in bed is living up to their partner’s expectations are more likely to cheat, a new study says.
Researchers at the University of Guelph in Ontario and Indiana University found men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander, while for women, relationship issues are stronger predictors of unfaithfulness.
“Few studies on infidelity have gone beyond exploring demographics,” University of Guelph professor Robin Milhausen said in a release about the study, which was recently published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour.
“This research shows that demographic variables may not influence decision-making as much as previously thought — that personality matters more, especially for men.”
Milhausen said the study showed men who become aroused easily or are anxious about their performance are more likely to cheat.
“People might seek out high-risk situations to help them become aroused, or they might choose to have sex with a partner outside of their regular relationship because they feel they have an ‘out’ if the encounter doesn’t go well — they don’t have to see them again,” Milhausen said.
So if you want to discourage your partner not to cheat here are the rules.
1. Open email and phone logs. Don’t be afraid to show your partner your phone history or hesitate about keeping that transparent.
2. tell your partner they are good in bed. Do things to keep up the excitement.
3. Romance, touch and insist on “attentive date nights”.
4. Keep money trails open. trouble comes up with separate accounts that you can’t track.
5. Think about light play – ie strip poker with other couples, nude beaches or romantic holidays with group hot tubs. It keeps things just inside the line, but spices it up.