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One night stands. Why women are less likely to have them or other booty calls

I’ve had a patient this week who was beating herself up for her sexual behavior. She went down to one of the urban pick up bars after work this week and took home Mr. Right now for an evening of hot sex. She said it was the walk of shame the next morning where she looked at herself in the mirror that had her beating herself up. It wasn’t the first time and she said her pattern was almost ‘monthly”. She said she felt awful and wanted to know why she kept feeling tempted?

I hear about the monthly booty activity from lots of women. I know one woman who is an accountant by day, mid 40’s, separated with a teenager at home who hasn’t found the right partner. She likes sex but is worried about what other people (mainly other women) will think of her and her reputation if she engages in casual sex. So once a month (the same time of month), she dresses up and heads to the local swing club. There she has an evening acting out her fantasies of multiple men (at the same time and one after another) and goes home hardly sitting straight. That’s all the sex she has until the next month.

What gives you ask? Well women are motivated for sex twice a month. Once when they are ovulating and once just before their periods. The science backs me up. Women when we are ovulating smell better, walk sexier, have better hair days and get more attention from the men at large.

If only men knew which day it was. Unlike baboons which have a red bum when they are in heat our signals are so much more subtle. We are horny, but feel guilty in the aftermath.

The sexual and feminist revolutions were supposed to free women to enjoy casual sex just as men always had. Yet according to Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University in the UK, the negative feelings reported by women after one-night stands suggest that they are not well adapted to fleeting sexual encounters.

According to the study:

“The predominant negative feeling reported by women was regret at having been “used”. Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if other people found out. Women found the experience less sexually satisfying and, contrary to popular belief, they did not seem to view taking part in casual sex as a prelude to long-term relationships.

“What the women seemed to object to was not the briefness of the encounter but the fact that the man did not seem to appreciate her. The women thought this lack of gratitude implied that she did this with anybody,” Professor Campbell explained.

According to Professor Campbell, although women do not rate casual sex positively, the reason they still take part in it may be due to the menstrual cycle changes influencing their sexual motivation. Indeed, during the ovulatory phase (between days 10 to 18 of their cycle), women report increased sexual desire and arousal, with a preference for short-term partners.”

Which goes to show that just like chocolate cravings, the urge to have a romp is a very real drive. Understand it before you do your own walk of shame the morning after.

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