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Popping the little blue pill. The cost/benefit analysis to taking Viagra and Cialis.

I think it may be so very hard for guys to date and love modern women. It’s a generality I know but modern romance puts pressure on men. Women expect a tremendous amount of confidence, skill and performance from the men we sleep with. Otherwise we may be tempted to throw you under the bus and replace you with a more virile model. We expect men to make the first (and second, third and fourth) moves, know their way around our bodies and perform regularly, for a considerable time, and with enthusiasm. Get hard, stay hard, don’t come too fast, and make sure we achieve multiple orgasms. If you can do all of this while romancing us with wine and flowers so much the better.
It’s from this premise that I am seeing lots of new kinds of sexual dysfunctions. One of the issues with porn addiction is the relief that men feel while focused exclusively on new sexual images without having to meet their partner’s needs. Men can enjoy their orgasms without the work of making us come. Pornographic images offer newness with zero pressure. Masturbation means guys aren’t getting criticized for lying on our hair, forgetting the lube or being a one-minute guy. It’s not the only reason men use porn compulsively, but it’s one of them. I have a number of men who are afraid to start dating because they suffer from premature ejaculation, performance anxiety of not getting hard with a new partner, or concern about a small penis size. I have a number of men as clients who would rather go without sex or be single their whole lives than face the trauma of being perceived as sexually inadequate. And men who are recently divorced and out on the singles market over 45 have age, blood pressure and the physiological effects of erectile dysfunction to contend with. There is a lot of pressure on guys and it’s a scary world out there.
So is it any wonder that men turn to the foursome of sexual enhancing drugs (Cialis, Viagra, Staxyn and Levitra) when faced with the absolute requirement to perform? Viagra and Cialis can both increase erections AND slow down ejaculation. Why wouldn’t any man want to be on it? As one client told me about Cialis; “its fun to walk around with a three day erection. It’s like High School all over again. Erections are longer, harder and bigger. You brush against a woman and get an immediate hard on”. Erections like that don’t happen beyond the early 20’s and even then they don’t happen if men are stressed. So you get some side effects like headaches and a flushed face but that’s an infinitesimally small price to pay in comparison to feeling like a stud. And women give you complete reinforcement. Some women give lip service to the idea that ED happens, but we are really disappointed if you can’t get it up. And men know this. Women will also blame themselves if a man can’t get hard. It must be that we aren’t attractive enough if you can’t get an erection for us. We believe it’s our fault even if your male partner is 50 pounds overweight, smokes a pack a day and is on a cocktail of cholesterol meds and anti-depressants.
So if using “Bob Doyle’s little helper” has men leaping tall buildings what’s the problem? Is there such a thing as psychological addiction to sexual performance enhancers? I think there are a few reasons why men are concerned about taking “steroids for their penis” in the form of these pharmaceuticals. The first is the stigma. Going to your doctor is embarrassing. It’s why these drugs are the most common thing bought through internet pharmacies. In Thailand they sell them at gas stations. Secondly, women can be dismissive of men taking erection meds. Again, we must not be attractive enough if you can’t get it up for us. Then there is the cost. On average, a single pill can cost anywhere from $4 to $12. And then there is the built up tolerance where men may need a higher dosage to get the same results. Finally, there is the challenge of sneaking the meds, and the fear of spontaneous sex with the terror of not being able to perform if your partner jumps you by surprise. The anxiety that follows not having pills on hand, or the worry that you have a secret in your pocket, wallet or glove box that could be discovered is real for many men.
For the average man, taking erection meds is not much more detrimental to your liver and overall health than taking a Tylenol. And if you can deal with the almost universal headaches and slightly weird feeling, or bluish tinge to your sight that some men describe as a side effect then the cost/benefit analysis comes down firmly on the side of the little blue (and yellow) pills. And men are not addicted to the pill (there is no chemical addiction), men become addicted to the feeling of women telling them that they are a sex God. Who wouldn’t want to feel like that? It feels good to feel hard. You are more readily horny and therefore sex becomes even more top of mind when you are hard. And as I mentioned, erection-enhancing drugs slow down the ejaculation for most men. No wonder they sell billions of dollars worth. Cialis is a confidence pill. Cialis let’s you get hard at the drop of a hat over a three-day period. With Viagra, it lets you get hard fast. And I mean break your hand on it its so hard fast. What’s that worth to the average guy? I tell people that if I was a guy over 40 I would have a plenary of erection-enhancing drugs in my medicine cabinet depending on the kind of sex I was expecting. Most men don’t necessarily need it all the time, (especially with a long term partner), but if there is someone else in the house, fatigue, or work related stress can cause a slowdown in men’s sexual reactions. It’s the equivalent to women using lube. If every time a woman went to have sex, she was too dry to achieve it successfully then how readily would she reach for the bottle of lube even if it had slight side effects like a low grade irritation? I think most of the time.
As women we are so worried about our bodies and grooming, and in truth most men prefer natural looking girls in a range of sizes. Yes we can be crazy and paranoid about our stretchmarks. Yes we can be high maintenance. Men can also be clueless about our need for intimacy. Men understand that women need some warm fuzzies as well as pounding intercourse. However we often change the rules about how we want it mid-thrust. Pleasing some women sexually can be like patting your head and rubbing your tummy. So guys will use any advantage they can get.
As one client said, “having a raging erection is like his convertible. Women love it, and they look at him differently when he’s driving it” He said he’ll never go back to driving a compact.