One of the most interesting thing that’s been coming out of the cool men’s group my husband runs on Tuesday nights (hot men in our living room) is hearing the dating stories about women from a male point of view. While I’m not privy to the discussions I get an understanding of modern male and female dating stories from both perspectives. And it isn’t pretty.
My female clients complain that guys flake on set dates, have bad breath, only seem to want sex, and string them along. They worry about fake profiles and personal safety in dating.
As for the guys they are really, really gun shy about getting back into a new relationship. Meaning they want to play the field until something feels right. And then they still want to think about it. Especially if they have had a difficult (and expensive separation previously) or worry about women controlling them. The men in the men’s group want to understand how to keep things casual and not have women fall in love with them.
Mostly men are looking for women who are “cool”. Someone who isn’t needy and doesn’t press them for a commitment. Someone who isn’t caught up “with the happily ever after” or “supposed to’s” about relationships. Someone who doesn’t want to meet your parents on the fifth date. I wanted to find out more about what turn’s men off about the women they are dating.
So I asked this past Tuesday night to the group of 20 or so men who were out in the dating market and had looks, game, and self-awareness. This is what they had to say about the don’t’s and turn-off’s that they were seeing with women.
1. Don’t be cheap. Pick up a bill for coffee, dinner, or drinks when it’s your turn.
2. Stop bitching. Women complain or it appears to men that women complain. Find your happy self.
3. Don’t make men feel like they are a dirty secret. Invite them over, and be proud to be out with them.
4. Don’t ghost. Have some class and say goodbye with a quick email or text. It turns out guys are bitter about being ghosted in a big way.
5. If you are looking for someone to take care of you then pull yourself out of the dating market until you have your own life together. Dating is not a retirement plan.
6. Try hard to keep the self-criticisms quiet. Most women struggle with body acceptance but men find beauty in all women. Confidence no matter what your size or attributes is sexy.
7. Understand men are busy too and a part-time relationship is all they have the time or interest in exploring. Guys don’t understand why 50% of a great relationship is better than being alone. Especially if you both have the opportunity to see other people.
8. Don’t be crazy. Men think all women are crazy but the truth is that women need to do a better job managing their moods, hormones and behaviour.
If you are single and struggling unsuccessfully to find a partner then maybe it’s time for some dating coaching. I can usually solve the issues within three sessions. So less than the cost of two concert tickets I can have you back on track. Schedule a time and let’s talk.
