Men are motivated by sex. Really. I have said before I think women have no idea just how horny men can be.
The new study suggests that men think about sex 28 times per day. And much of that is spent trying to figure out how to get their partners interested in some shagging. I know this because as a Sex Therapist I spend my days talking to men about sex, open relationships, paying for sex and other variations in getting it more often and varied.
Men are asking me how to increase their wives libido, how to find a mistress, advertise for the love of your life, and generally work through the hooking up relationship stuff to get laid more. A far cry from the urology of erectile dysfunction that I expected to be doing as a young Therapist, but that seems to be what men anyway are asking about. The idea of sexual newness and how to get variety without being a dick to their primary partner comes up.
What always strikes me is how lame guys are at keeping things going. Every customer service book out says that it is far easier and cheaper to retain an existing customer than get a new one. Ergo, it is far easier to get more sex from the woman you have, than continually find new ones. That doesn’t tell the whole story because men like a plenary of new women, but that’s a blog for another day. Take the first time for instance. You’ve been buying coffee, dinners, and have generally been on your best behaviour, and finally get the woman in question between the sheets. Absolutely bare minimum etiquette is an email within 36 hours of the encounter (sooner is better) telling her what a goddess she is and that you can’t wait to see her again.
So how do you get laid more often?
Understand how women think and the way we feel sexual. It is different than male sexuality. You know this but keep doing the same things that you like to do and expect a different result.
What dumb guys do is send dick pics, don’t brush their teeth or have a shower, ask crudely, use jokes, grab our boobs, poke us in the back with an erection or behave dismissively before hand.
Smart guys do the dishes without asking, offer to give us a massage or foot rub, put a lock on the bedroom door, hold our hands and tell us how beautiful we are, understand our love language (touch, time, gifts, acts of service, language), make the bed so it’s enticing to fall into it and bring home dinner.
It’s also about communicating your needs and expectations. Blaik (my husband) runs an amazing men’s group in Ottawa that tries to interpret what women want. He says if you can get women to slow down, feel safe, look into their eyes and touch their arm (especially if there is wine and chocolate involved) then most women can be enticed to get naked.
What women want more than anything is attention. Give it to us and we are yours.
