What does Neil Armstrong, oral sex, and your neighborhood rub and tug have in common
My sweetie is going to be Neil Armstrong for Halloween. We bought all of the Apollo mission patches at the Kennedy Space Centre when we were there in April and we have everything but the spray painted rubber boots. More than anyone he would love to have dinner with the legendary astronaut. (The offer is genuine if Mr. Armstrong happens to read this blog. Sir, we’ll meet you and buy you dinner anywhere,its on our bucket list firstname.lastname@example.org Smile). So where am I going with this? Apparently there is a story about Neil Armstrong and his now dead neighbors.
Probably apocryphal, but Neal Armstrong is reputed to have muttered the words “Good luck, Mr. Goldstein” after his storied “one giant step for mankind” statement. When asked about it he refused to explain until recently, stating that he had been waiting until all parties involved were dead. The story goes that when he was a little boy he heard shouting from the window of his next door neighbors, the Goldsteins. “Oral sex?” yelled Mrs. G. “You want oral sex? I’ll give you oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!’
For many couples it goes with that joke about the woman smiling on her wedding night. She was happy because she had given her last blowjob. According to the phone sex records and the latest stats I’ve heard from the people I know in the escort industry but oral sex is the most common service requested of your local rub and tug parlor. And if your neighborhood is anything like mine, the local “jack Shacks” (massages with happy endings) are on every street corner.
So what do you do if oral sex isn’t your thing? It is a bit of quid pro quo and you should consider doing things to make it more palatable. This includes chocolate sauce (or my fav maple syrup), and treating the penis like an ice cream cone. Shower before having sex and making sure your partner stay away from tart/bitter foods at least 90 minutes preceding sex. in my house gin and tonics are only on the menu when Spif is traveling alone. Finally using loads of warm flavored oils on your hands (and a little tongue) makes it easier to stimulate that area without actually having to feel like you need to deep throat. It’s the combination of hands and mouth simulating the vagina that drives most men crazy. Either way it’s an important skill to have if you insist on being your partner’s only sexual outlet. Giving it up for Lent or longer just isn’t fair. I hope Mrs. G realized it before it was too late.