What’s your motivation to have sex?
I had a bunch of tiny, low sex driven female patients again this week. Something about those size two women who can’t seem to get motivated to have sex, despite great relationships, and hunky husbands. Besides the obvious physical problems, they just can’t think of a reason to do it. They reach orgasm, but besides the few minutes leading up to their climax, they weren’t that excited about the whole processof making love. It struck me that maybe we sex therapists weren’t asking the right questions. Maybe we should ask what are the reasons people want to have sex?
It turns out that I’m not the first person the think of this. A psychologist at the University of Texas asked a group of undergrads "why they have sex", and was treated to 237 different reasons. Nothing as interesting as JFK’s comment that "it made his back feel better", or Joan Crawford and " how sex improved her complexion". But there were a few cool ones like; "I wanted to feel closer to God” to “I was drunk.” They even found a few scary women who claimed to have been motivated by the desire to have a child. Run freshman run.
The researchers, Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, believe their list, published in the August issue of Archives of Sexual Behavior, is the most thorough list of sexual motivation ever compiled. Another fun job thinking of new things about sex to ask unsuspecting students. A few of my other favorites on the list were "that someone dared me", or that "I was bored", has me thinking that maybe the sex isn’t that good out there. There was no comments about earth-moving, toe curling orgasms, which is usually my primary motivation for horizontal dancing. I invite you to think about yours.