Why Boredom is a bigger problem in marriages than conflict.
Sue McGarvie, Canada’s Sex and Relationship therapist says that having romantic adventures with your partner is one of the top five things you can do for your relationship.
“The most common question I get from women over 30 is how you keep your relationship hot and connected,” says McGarvie.
Many women want to be that fun and saucy partner, but clearing your head for sex takes time. It’s hard to do amongst the laundry, work, dishes and homework that make up most women’s day to day lives. As one patient said “I have to work hard not to think about the grocery list or other mental distractions when getting in the mood.” Everyone needs sexual adventures in their lives. It keeps your sex life fresh, your adrenaline kicking, and gives you something to daydream about during those dreary winter days sitting at your desk. It turns out that many Canadian women have a fantasy about beach sex. In a new Ipsos Reid survey done for tripcentral.ca, 43% of women admitted that they had sex outside of their hotel room while on holidays. These women fantasized about sauna sex, hammock sex, public bathroom sex, and just about every other private and romantic spot you can think of while on holiday.
I call it “having an affair with your significant other”, says McGarvie. When questioning the happiest couples they talk to me about “learning new things together.” Even those couples in serious conflict seem to get the biggest relationship kick by adding something different to their intimate lives. McGarvie encourages “out of your comfort zone” adrenaline encouraging activities. This is everything from salsa dancing to white water rafting. The military uses adrenaline producing activities to bond “a band of brothers”. The same thing can happen during heart-pumping holiday sex.
Other great relationship suggestions include communicating with humor, planning regular sensuous, date nights, putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own, and stopping the fights before they get ugly. Just like with the adage that “a change is as good as a rest,” fighting boredom can have an immediate impact. “I see conflicted couples making huge leaps in their levels of intimacy when they take the time out for small adventures”, says McGarvie who interviewed hundreds of Canadian couples as a Relationship Therapist and while being the relationship therapist with Astral Media.
Finding time for a sensuous vacation, or even learning to square dance this winter may be one of the best things you do for your marriage this year.